Grief & loss - may be triggering

Apologies

did not mean to intrude

@TAB@Former-MemberYou're welcome, it's okay - yes it's so much better to have an interaction going (from several people).

Please don't feel that you have to butt out, or disappear. We don't want that to happen.

Yes I was triggered, sorry.

@TABOf course you don't have to talk about your loss if you don't want to. We're not wanting to remind you of it, if that's not helpful for you.

@Former-MemberI love your input,

Adge

Thanks @Former-Member I love your pictures, & what's printed on them.

Gee, you seem to put much effort into your posts.

I don't know the cause of my joint pain (apart from stress), maybe I should look into it.

Yes the insecure feelings, hypervigilence & feeling rejected I can relate to. It's good that you're able to not let those thoughts take over.

To not beat ourselves up when we do relax, that's a good point. That's what I need to work on. I do beat myself up.

I'm sorry to hear that you were cut off by your family & sister, that's really rough.

Yes grief is too confronting maybe, my folks (although they live in another city) seem too uncomfortable with it.

Sorry so tired, did my best to respond.

Adge

Ya doin ok @Adge, with some issues on the forums I find it prudent to email moderators and work it out behind the scenes: team@saneforums.com A lot of us here are hurting, bruised - even the slightest unintended tap hurts a bruise.

What you up to today? I'm gonna ignore the usual crap tasks around the house and zoom in on something that leaves me feeling good. Like this chest of drawers I need to paint. Finally dug up the 3 in one paint. So pleased with the last one I did. Love white. Plus its an outside activity 🙂

Maybe I'll digout and fix up my 3bird cages and ready them for having birds again. I gave so much away when I thought I was gonna dies. This could be a good exercise in taking back some good ground in my life - thanks to you. Maybe send pictures later (pressure lol) 🌿🐦🌿🐦🌿🐦🌷🐦

@Former-Member. @Tab. what you up to today?

@Former-MemberYes like you suggested, psych wants me to try to break house tasks down into smaller bits.

The difficult bit is that I keep on thinking about what needs doing, until I've finally done it all (days later). Which makes it hard to divert myself to relaxing (or enjoyable) things on the weekend. Psych wants me to work on that one too, because otherwise I'm not enjoying my time at home.

Yes that withdrawal you mentioned (re:grief) makes sense.

I don't know what to expect from the grief study (or interview) next week, I'm hoping it will help.

Yes I'm sure that people don't intend to hurt each other (as you mentioned) on forums - I certainly don't want that.

Yes, ok email the forum team (you mentioned) I'll keep that in mind. I've only had an email from the team whn a thread (including my post on SA) was deleted, & entirely disappeared.

Painting furniture! That sounds good. I've rarely wielded a paint-brush, & wasn't very confident of the result when I did.

Dad flew over, stayed awhile & painted my wooden window-frames (the only time that they've been painted). So when I think of all the window frames (with bare wood) that now need painting, I think of him.

Outside activity (painting) sounds a good idea. I'm afraid the only time that I've been outside today was to refresh the aviary bird seed & clean water. Then I came inside with soggy wet socks & gooey gunk all over my shoes (always happens).

I'm needing to work on enjoying spending time outside (in my garden) when at home, psych keeps egging me on with that one, That's because I don't spend time in the garden.

I can relate to your giving so much away, which is sad. I've done that too - my doing that came from lack of self esteem, as if I felt I didn't deserve to have those few (simple) things.

I'm glad that you might have some birds in your cages again. Pictures, nice idea (no pressure).

Yes "re-claiming" what we enjoy (hobbies etc) is an excellent idea (they say). I cannot say that I've done that yet - I stopped doing many things that I was passionate about, 7 years ago.

I was a keen bushwalker decades ago. I also love plants (from very young), yet have not been doing any gardening. I worked in horticulture (& nurseries) for 12 years, & advised customers on plants & soil improvement - which is rather ironic now.

Adge

Hi @Adge, wow, you did bird keeping & bushwalking AND horticulture - must remember that when I need it - Any tips on getting my lemon tree to grow & bare fruit? And a non toxic way to keep those big beetle bugs off it??

It is ironic that you once had so many outside activities but now you find it hard to get out the door. I really know what that its like - blackdog dissolves creativity (anything pleasurable really), kinda like freezes over that part of the brain.

Its all very well for psychologists to say 'just go do this, or that"... but in my experience that part of the brain has seized up or something (broken) and the doing of such things is really hard to get the head around - if it even occurs to us/me. I think maybe the ptsd shuts down all unnecessary functioning - being in survival mode & all.

Maybe psychologists work on the theory that DOING it (telling you to relax more) will reactivate that part of the brain or something, but talk about "pushing a beuik uphill" without muscles 😕 Reminds me of drs flippantly telling me to "go lose weight (40kg). yeah right, as if I have the tools to do that drr. None the less, doing things we like. or use to like, can make a difference, a change for the better, and hopefully become easier. I have expetienced that they csn.

In my aged care i noticed the ones that do vetter are the ones with good habits, routines, it helps to not have to 'think' about it - just do.

This is why i'm ignoring my impossible serious clutter problem, that boggs me doen, and heading outside to paint. Maybe because i know it will ve good for me, the painting is doable, and it has an end, a finish point - i am looking fwd to the finished product (so hope I get there).

The outdoor time boosts my spirit (energy). I'd like to think you're outside too today (weather permitting), I'll pretend you're doing up the bird cages here with me. Thank you 🙂

Sorry, I'd like to discuss all the things you brang up, one at a time, you're a very interesting person you know, but i really must 'move' as safly I'm still in bed 😞 oh dear. Haven't even had breakfast or my medication or my cup of tea yet (1240), sleeping way too much.

I'll check in later, maybe with some photos_ maybe with bisc & cuppa as a reward 🙂

Far out, I just burst into tears for no apparent reason. Have to go.

You Have a nice day / arvo 🌷🌿🐦🌱🌳

PS, keep thinking of @Dec, have you met her here? Won't tag in case it goes bad 😕

Hi @Former-Member Yes I like to respond to the points that you raise too (one at a time) - that's often how I respond to (or acknowledge) what's said.

I'm not that great on citrus trees - they respond best to frequent "all-purpose fertiliser" with the trace elements included (or a specific citrus fertiliser).

Some mulch around the base (with a slight gap), will help to keep the moisture in the soil (& suppress weeds).

I think you can spray the leaves with some sort of "deterrent spray" from a nursery, to keep those bugs away. They're usually "stink bugs" that have a horrible smell, & that suck the sap of your tree (& destroy the new leaf growth).

Good on you for being motivated to do that painting, that sounds great.

My aviaries do need a lot of "doing up" maintenance, now that you mention it. Several of the nest boxes have fallen apart (need replacing).

I was outdoors (long drive too), to take a client out. Then I came home & stayed indoors.

Yes I've had a few exchanges with @Owlunar (on other threads),she seems really nice. There are many members who I've not met yet, or said hello to much.

Gee I can relate to that "pushing weight uphill" with no muscles... Yes we need the tools to do it!

Adge

For our lost loved ones 💜🌿🌷💕💟💕

Sorry Adge, I'm really tired tonight 🌷🌿🐦

Have a good rest @Former-Member I always struggle to write, especially in the evening.

It's so much more effort to type than to talk in person (usually on the phone). Reading lots of other people's posts, & giving them likes is the most that I can manage often.

@Former-Member's post in Worry Room reminded me that there are so many things to grieve (often unspoken).

My blind intellectually disabled brother is an alcoholic, Drugs & alcohol may take him away soon - much worse since Dad died last year.

There's nothing that I (living in a different city), or my brothers, or Mum can do about it. Mum's tried everything, so did Dad (before he died).

Adge