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@ lapses Early last year 2016 my Dad died after a long painful illness (cancer), which he had been fighting for 6 years.
He survived that long only because of continuous treatments, otherwise he would have been gone in 6 months (they said).
My relationship with him had been somewhat distant at times - due my living in a different state from my entire family for the past 22 years.
Also due to my tumultuous upbringing & family background - which is why I could not stay in the city where I grew up, & chose to live here (3000 kilometres away) instead.
Also wanting to start anew 22 years ago, with needs for greater independence.
Yet those hopes to start a family of my own have never been realized. My marriage ended abruptly, & took my cherished plans & hopes for the future with it.
Then I was confronted with the memories of my SA only 3 months after the end of my marriage - which again turned my life upside-down. My gender identity was shaken, & I no longer felt secure with the sense of identity that I once had.
Followed by a severe health emergency - with 2 emergency bowel surgeries, a stoma & bag for 6 months.
Then a 3rd major bowel surgery to try to put things back together. I almost died twice in hospital they told me.
My siblings & I had found Dad to be emotionally distant & scary right into our adult lives - yet in the last few years we found him to be a kind, intelligent & very caring man. So it was so much harder to lose him.
Due to the stress of having to find a new job, having complex PTSD, & not coping well with the conditions of this occupation (carer) - I've been unable to effectively come to terms with my grief & loss.
It seems that my grief has been largely on hold for the past 14 months since Dad died. I don't feel in touch with it, despite my best efforts to.
I see a psychologist, yet we've been unable to do grief work, or help me to come to terms with the loss of my Dad.
I've remembered very little about him in the past year, which makes it harder - as I have so few memories to draw upon.
Its okay @Former-Member. Its nothing bad and certainly not traumatic Im just wondering why I have started to think of her again. Lessons from grave maybe. Its all positive was just wondering why it came back. Still processing to do apparently
In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
AdgeSenior Contributor
Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
@Former-MemberNo I haven't met @TAB Hi @TAB
Putting myself first, or looking after myself with self-care & setting boundaries (especially with work) is so hard.
I've not had a breakdown @Former-Member I'm sorry to hear that you experienced that.
I think I've come close to having one, especially after my SA was forcibly raise by a therapist (with insistent leading questions).
I was already in greif, less than 3 months after the end of my marriage - I went into a massive tail-spin with long-term repercussions.
I still have'nt put it behind me, even 6 years later - then there was my emergency bowel surgeries 3 & 1/2 years later. Then my Dad died last year.
Adge
In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering
TABSenior Contributor
Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Hi @Adge am hearing that re self care etc Umm Yes I mentioned my mother, probably was ontop of my mind last night. However we all deal with things differently, well so I was told after it happened . I'm sorry you've had things stacked up on after the other. Bit the same here, although I'm reminded that in general I'd rather not talk about details of how what why, just to let good things re memories come in when they appear. Was just questioning the processs if anything, So I'm sorry for what has happened with you but digging things up so to speak is something I try to let happen when it happens and try to keep going on with my life ie a separate if related can of worms.
In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Unknown userMember
Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Hey guys, who won the state if original (NSW/Qld)? No TV here and radio hasn't said grr
In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
AdgeSenior Contributor
Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
@Former-MemberSorry I'm in WA, they only promote & televise AFL here - so I don't know.
I'm originally from NSW (22 years ago), I remember that the State of origin was a big deal.
We're 2 hours behind the east coast (or 3 hours behind with Daylight Saving time) - which makes it difficult connecting with people on the forums.
Adge
In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Unknown userMember
Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
That's OK @Adge, I understand. And know there's a few of you over west, 2-3hrs difference is a lot in a day.
How are you tonight? Do you get the weekends off? Any plans?
I'll drag my feet to work the shop in the morning 4.5hrs. Probably should start getting ready for that soon & have early'ish sleep. Oh well, gives me an excuse to take a shower lol
Hey, I had a bit of good news (I think), my 5yrs+ estranged sister found my new fb page and sent 'friend' request. Hmm, see how that goes.
Mum had her iron infusion today, her Hb was 75 this time, not 60 like before. Its very hard. At least she talked to me when I rang and the doctor talked wiyh me. Dad's memory is fading fast (dementia), i rang to see if he was ok while mum in hospital, poor dear couldn't remember how to operate the tv controls. I tried to help on the phone but that's impossible. He said he'd go to bed early tonight 🙂 Wish I didn't live sobfar away.
In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Unknown userMember
Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Hello @Former-Member@Adge@TAB
Grief is a very individual, private experience, so different for each of us. No comparisons.
hello Tab, welcome back.
Had message from my son today wanting me to contact the British military and forces intelligence re his and my safety. Hurts me to know that he feels his life, as well as family members life endangered.
Take care all.
In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering
TABSenior Contributor
Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Hey @Former-Member😀 Was thinking other day re a your post ages ago mentioning carrying a briefcase contacting mps etc I did contact mp. They talked back. I forgot about it. I could have had an appointment next week only was working so sent very prof sounds thank but I cant to mps appointment secretary lol 😸🎩🇦🇹
In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Unknown userMember
Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Hiya @Former-Member, really good to see you 😸🎉 Are You still overseas? Sorry about your son so troubled. I've told you about my brother - he thinks we are all in danger too. Sometimes aliens, sometimes demons (that pocessvpeople, even us), and neighbours paid off to use Gov provided high powered IRR to target our homes, like he's, to make us sick, to silence him / us from exposing this classified info he's stumbled on... (sheesh, that was hard to nutshell). He feels so strong about it all that he often challenges people, argues, cries, emails authorities for help, even sent affidavits to police - which triggered a MH admission x6 months back, for reevaluation and a Community Treatment ORDER for compulsary antipsychotic injections. Now all this forced upon him 'confirms' all his conspiracy theories, that 'they' want him silenced.. Its really hard on them and everyone around. When he was first diagnosed, it really upset me - I felt a great sense of loss - he's just not the brother I once had, and given the poor prognosis, the brother I knew was gone. 😞 And all the hopes and dream for his futurevpeace and happiness dashed. Do you feel that pain with your son mohill? And being asked to contact the British military ntelligence agences - thats hard re not doing it is perceived as lack of support. Its so very hard with family and this terrorable condition. We do fI el foe them, that it "hurts me to know he fears for his life, and family" yep, all grief & loss experiences are very different, amd ndividual, and private. Still, talking with people who know how it feels - they tend to say more of the right things and the magnitude of pain. Usually lol. You 'Take care' too Mohill
Hi @Adge, @TAB, how are you? Thinking of your departed mum/dad much? They wouldn't want us to be upset you know, I don't think so.
Hey, i found out at work this morning, finally, that Queensland won AFL. Don't matter to me either way really, but don't tell anyone lol
In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering
TABSenior Contributor
Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
I let it in when it happens re thoughts @Former-Member although sometimes question why it came afterwards. I'm fine thanks. How are you? Any owls up your way?
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