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Grief & loss - may be triggering

AdgeSenior Contributor25 May 2017, 10:42 pm AEST

Grief & loss - may be triggering

@ lapses
Early last year 2016 my Dad died after a long painful illness (cancer), which he had been fighting for 6 years.

He survived that long only because of continuous treatments, otherwise he would have been gone in 6 months (they said).

My relationship with him had been somewhat distant at times - due my living in a different state from my entire family for the past 22 years.

Also due to my tumultuous upbringing & family background - which is why I could not stay in the city where I grew up, & chose to live here (3000 kilometres away) instead.

Also wanting to start anew 22 years ago, with needs for greater independence.

Yet those hopes to start a family of my own have never been realized. My marriage ended abruptly, & took my cherished plans & hopes for the future with it.

Then I was confronted with the memories of my SA only 3 months after the end of my marriage - which again turned my life upside-down. My gender identity was shaken, & I no longer felt secure with the sense of identity that I once had.

Followed by a severe health emergency - with 2 emergency bowel surgeries, a stoma & bag for 6 months.

Then a 3rd major bowel surgery to try to put things back together. I almost died twice in hospital they told me.

My siblings & I had found Dad to be emotionally distant & scary right into our adult lives - yet in the last few years we found him to be a kind, intelligent & very caring man. So it was so much harder to lose him.

Due to the stress of having to find a new job, having complex PTSD, & not coping well with the conditions of this occupation (carer) - I've been unable to effectively come to terms with my grief & loss.

It seems that my grief has been largely on hold for the past 14 months since Dad died. I don't feel in touch with it, despite my best efforts to.

I see a psychologist, yet we've been unable to do grief work, or help me to come to terms with the loss of my Dad.

I've remembered very little about him in the past year, which makes it harder - as I have so few memories to draw upon.

Adge

596 replies

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In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor17 Apr 2018, 11:52 am AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Yeah ..... well ..... mine has bolted too ...... which is why I am here, walking along with you, looking for lost horses .......

😏

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

AppleblossomSenior Contributor17 Apr 2018, 3:40 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

With the horses gone for now, maybe we can get a piggy back on a jumpin frog .. ?? in order to ride out our storms and losses ...

Anybody with a "shrink me" potion ?

@Adge @Faith-and-Hope

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor17 Apr 2018, 3:45 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Here y’go @Appleblossom ...... 🤗💕

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

AppleblossomSenior Contributor17 Apr 2018, 4:01 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

@Faith-and-Hope Words desert me.

Thank you for journeying into my silly escapism ....

Hope @Adge likes it too.

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor17 Apr 2018, 4:08 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Hoping to cheer you up a little @Adge ..... not intending to make light of your feelings at all ..... just being clowning buddies a little bit.

💕

In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Unknown userMember17 Apr 2018, 6:12 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

So sorry about your lutino 🐤 peachface @Adge 😞 We do get attached to them. You have a lot of support here, hope it helps. Hang in there. I think of you often ❤❤❤

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

AdgeSenior Contributor17 Apr 2018, 9:06 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Clowning buddies is great @Faith-and-Hope

Piggy-backing on a giant jumping frog sounds fun @Appleblossom

Just back from evening night work training session (4 hours). 7pm already, so tired, bed-time soon.

I'm not confident with night driving (I haven't done any in years) - thankfully there was still a tiny bit of daylight left, most of the way.

Thanks @Former-Member Rainbow was the last bird survivor from when I was married (together). All my other birds are more recent.

I think of you too.

Sorry I have so much trouble thinking clearly enough to write anything, or to type when I'm this tired.

Maybe the Dyslexia has something to do with that too, when it's hard to get the letters (typed) to come out right - even though I'm a good touch-typist.

Adge

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

AdgeSenior Contributor17 Apr 2018, 9:09 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Some fun escapism is always good...

I'm always afraid that I will be misunderstood (or offend someone), when I try to make jokes...

eg about horses having bolted.

I'm glad you got it...

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

AdgeSenior Contributor21 Apr 2018, 10:01 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

I’ve only been earning $450 per week for many months now - yet somehow I did not even re-qualify for a Low Income Health Care Card, when I went to re-apply. That only gives subscription discounts, it is not any form of pension or income.

I haven’t had any disposable income or capacity to save for over 6 years. In fact, since I left horticulture & went back into Disabilities. I left the hort/gardening job because I was physically assaulted at work, & subjected to on-going harrassment & intimidation - I had to file a police report, yet no action was taken.

My psych somehow thought that I could pay $500 for a private legal consult, to get advice on disputing Mum having kept the money from Dad's estate. Because they were separated, not together for 8 years before Dad died.

Yet that amount is more than my entire week’s wages – it’s impossible, that’s why I could only consider subsidised services. Yet I was turned away by the subsidised legal services that I contacted.

That’s why it’s been so disempowering. There is no room to move, all repairs to my house are unaffordable - & have been on-hold (postponed) for the past several years.

I was told to grieve the loss of the promised money from Dad's estate, & Mum's heartless broken promise (of 1/4 each, amongst 4 siblings).

Yet being told to simply grieve the loss, & to pressumably simply accept being ripped off - is disempowering in itself. Mum's actions are an insult to Dad's memory (& legacy).

Adge

In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Unknown userMember21 Apr 2018, 10:14 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Oh this stuff is really hard @Adge, my parent's estate is up in the air atm, well dad's still alive but the dementia has taken his real grip on things. The guardianship board will manage it for us here when the day comes.

Have you contacted
https://www.fairwork.gov.au/awards-and-agreements/awards/list-of-awards

I dont know what else to
say to help. Hopefully your weekend will restore some sense of empowerment back. Do something nice for yourself 🙂

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