Grief & loss - may be triggering

Group Hug @Adge 💜

@Former-Member, I actually had a rough day yesterday and one of those lines kept popping up, from The Lord of the Rings

“I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why.

Hi @Techunique, hope you're feeling better, I have been distracted lately sorry I didn't respind earlier. What's going on for you this weekend? Do you like the footy?

@Adge, where'd you go? are you OK?

Thanks @Former-Member

I love the group hug picture, I was thinking that I so need hugs (this morning).

Sorry, I've been rather shut-down & badly dissociated (CPTSD symptoms) - ever since I got back from the yoga retreat (last Monday evening).

It's been a constant struggle, as dissociation (feeling doped & numb) shuts down my ability to express myself, & makes it very difficult to engage with things (or people).

Sadly that feeling so incapacitated (for the past week) has lost me what remaining opportunities I did have - to do things, or go places in the time I had (whilst still on leave).

Now my holiday leave has finished, I return to work tomorrow (Monday). So increasing anxiety, & regret, at not having done trips or been places, in the time that I had (past week).

I went straight back into stress-mode, as soon as I had to contact work & chase them up to get my work schedule (for Monday). They never send our work schedule out in advance, then they change it (every day).

I've been checking in & reading posts every day, but I never seemed able to write any replies to anyone.

I feel like a mess a the moment (I know that's just a feeling or self-judgement).

The flower picture is lovely, @Former-Member

Adge

Hi @Former-Member Thanks.

Yes I need to remember that my going on those bus tour trips was a first, I had never done even one of those before - & it got me out briefly to some of my favourite (lovely) places down south, without driving there myself.

The yoga retreat was a first too. My first ever yoga retreat, & my first retreat of any sort in 22 years...

You made me laugh, because you reminded me of the old saying "they can't fight their way out of a wet paper bag" - & "they can't even organise a p...ss...up (to get drunk) at a brewery"...

Yes I think the yoga retreat did trigger thoughts of many past experiences. Having had a strong religious background, I could relate very much to the spiritual aspect, but in a different way.

I completed most of a degree in Theology, then converted it to a BA in Social Science & Education Studies (Major in Philosophy) - That's before I did my post-Graduate Diploma in Environmental Management (Science).

I have complex PTSD, I struggle regularly with dissociation - it worsens or lasts longer when repeatedly triggered by things (experiences).

Yes, cuddles, massage helps - I had one yesterday, & felt energetic & alive (for a few hours) afterwards, for the first time in weeks..

Adge

Hi @Former-Member I was just reading your grounding technique thread. Lots of good ideas.

@Adge Good Luck back at work.

I think that was good advice not to give them too much of yourself. Maybe imagine the interior castle protecting your vulnerable wounded self so you can get on with the job. Not suppress that self but PROTECT.

Over time you may know how it has helped you.

I sometimes just read the forums too, but feel bad if nobody answers a post.

@Former-MemberI was able to express myself (write), mainly because you asked me specific questions, & prompted me to think about things - that helps to focus my mind, even though it's a struggle to type (express) it at first.

Maybe it's "grounding", or maybe it's renewing my "sense of connection" with people (on here).

Yes always spiritual, although I haven't been to church regularly in a long time.

No public holiday for us tomorrow, we had one last Monday - we have Queen's Birthday on a different date (June).

Gee I wish cortisone sent me hyper (drive), although it is horrible to not be able to sleep. It doesn't seem to do that for me. I'm super susceptible to any drowsy-causing antihistamines,etc (I can't take them).

I have to take stimulant medication for my sleep apnea, which doesn't make me bounce off the walls or anything (unfortunately) - it just helps me to feel a bit more functional.

I hope your asthma & coughing eases & gets better soon. Your bout of illness must have been a long one too.

I've been wheezing & phlegmy again over the past 2 days, I don't know why.

Your female Bourke parrot could be plucking her own chest feathers out - or the male may be plucking her feathers out.

That's the most common cause (reason). It's a bird habit (psychological), not an illness or disease - that's if it is due to feather-plucking.

It's hard to stop (if it is that), because they keep on doing it. More cage space, or toys & things to chew (for fun) may help to distract them from doing it.

Adge

Thanks @Appleblossom

Adge