Grief & loss - may be triggering

I feel your pain, I have a somewhat similar story.

My dad was always fairly pissed off and pretty uninvolved with any of us until he was diagnosed with primary progressive multiple sclerosis. Then he became my best friend in the world. I was still undiagnosed for my schizoaffective disorder and congenital spinal deformation at the time but had to stop going to college to take care of him. Eight long years later he passed on and just when I thought I could resume my dreams for my life, it all fell like a ton of bricks. Hospitalization, physical and mental, voluntary and not, addiction after addiction after addiction, jail, physical diagnosis, shock, beginning to accept, then mental diagnosis and I just stopeed.

My dad will have been gone for five years in November, and I cried for the first time just last week, or maybe the week before. My advice would be to prioritize that grief therapy. I literally almost died because I didn't. I got to a very unsafe place where no matter what the emotion was, healthy or unhealthy, positive or negative, I just shoved it down deep, locked it away and told myself it was gone for good. I have shambled like a corpse through the last five years and all I've got to show for it are some scars i gave myself and a mass of ruined relationships between me and everyone I ever really cared about, lover Or friend. I somehow thought that if Ididn't feel it, it wasn't real. I'm just going through the beginning of the grief process now and all that the refusal to deal got me was five years of being a living dead man, all that I have to start moving with is five years of rust on everything and the knowledge that I utterly, fully, completely Wasted five years of my life that I cannot get back trying to avoid feelings that I still very much have to deal with, and in fact am dealing with right now. Don't make that mistake. It feels worse than I hope you ever know.

Sounds horrendous

@Techunique but glad you're here and putting the pieces of your life back together.

Shoving feelings down is a defense, but I'm learning to stand and face those grief waves when they come

- close my eyes

- take a deep breath

- center myself

- firmly in the moment

- let it wash over

- feel it

- acknowledge it, the hurt it brings...

- gentle surrender

- knowing you are safe

- knowing it will pass. And it does.

I've become skilled at standing , grounding and facing the grief waves - the mental images that trigger distressing emotions... ... - just breathe, cry, groan, rock... whatever it takes - be real, dont run, just be.

Sometimes those waves are dunkers. that bumble me along for a couple of days - but even that passes.

Funny how 'one line' in a movie or something you read will come mind at these times, like

"All things pass
even great pain"

@Adge

@Adge

That's beautiful @Former-Member 😢 💜💕 Hiya @Appleblossom I see you there 🙏🔆

@Adge, checking in how you are this morning? How did you sleep? Did you bury 🐈?😢 Hugzz!

Glad you have the w'end to look fwd to 🙏

💜🐈💜🐈💜

Thanks for asking @Former-Member No I haven't slept well for several nights, I'm doing the best I can.

Those pictures & thoughts from everyone were lovely, thanks @Former-Member & @Appleblossom

I just buried Minx puss in the back yard 30 minutes ago - so hard, still in a daze.

Thanks,

Adge

Hi @Adge

I'm so sorry about Minx - your furry friend has been a real companion for you and this has to be hard

Other people have written great things here - but there is really nothing we can say that will stop the pain of a lost mate - we can only let you know we care and you have people who understand

All the best for your funny named retreat weekend - this could be a really great thing - you have been battling so much lately and I care about that

All the best my friend

Dec

@Adge RIP Minx

You are right @Techunique

We cannot manage our lives well if we do not deal with our grief - one of two things can happen

One is what happened to you - thanks for sharing so much of your story - it sounds like hell - you have been there and hopefully you can find your way back - I can't imagine what it must have been like for you

The other wrong way is to consider it all to upsetting and put it all under the very thick carpet and ignore it - my parents did that when my son died and both paid a terrible price for what they did

I could not put my grief anywhere. I had to go through it and it's the only way. I had to deal with my parents writing me off as well - but although I still have my grief for my son it has become easier to deal with - and I believe I am a better person for going through it and not shoving it away somewhere

Who wants to grieve though @Techunique? It's really hard work

Some of us here have been through it - still going through it - I am sure you will find like minds here - I wish you the best

Dec

bye Minxy 😢

hugzz @Adge