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Grief & loss - may be triggering

AdgeSenior Contributor25 May 2017, 10:42 pm AEST

Grief & loss - may be triggering

@ lapses
Early last year 2016 my Dad died after a long painful illness (cancer), which he had been fighting for 6 years.

He survived that long only because of continuous treatments, otherwise he would have been gone in 6 months (they said).

My relationship with him had been somewhat distant at times - due my living in a different state from my entire family for the past 22 years.

Also due to my tumultuous upbringing & family background - which is why I could not stay in the city where I grew up, & chose to live here (3000 kilometres away) instead.

Also wanting to start anew 22 years ago, with needs for greater independence.

Yet those hopes to start a family of my own have never been realized. My marriage ended abruptly, & took my cherished plans & hopes for the future with it.

Then I was confronted with the memories of my SA only 3 months after the end of my marriage - which again turned my life upside-down. My gender identity was shaken, & I no longer felt secure with the sense of identity that I once had.

Followed by a severe health emergency - with 2 emergency bowel surgeries, a stoma & bag for 6 months.

Then a 3rd major bowel surgery to try to put things back together. I almost died twice in hospital they told me.

My siblings & I had found Dad to be emotionally distant & scary right into our adult lives - yet in the last few years we found him to be a kind, intelligent & very caring man. So it was so much harder to lose him.

Due to the stress of having to find a new job, having complex PTSD, & not coping well with the conditions of this occupation (carer) - I've been unable to effectively come to terms with my grief & loss.

It seems that my grief has been largely on hold for the past 14 months since Dad died. I don't feel in touch with it, despite my best efforts to.

I see a psychologist, yet we've been unable to do grief work, or help me to come to terms with the loss of my Dad.

I've remembered very little about him in the past year, which makes it harder - as I have so few memories to draw upon.

Adge

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In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering

AdgeSenior Contributor31 Aug 2017, 12:11 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Thanks @Former-Member
Thanks @Owlunar
Thanks @Former-Member
I'm at work so cannot write.
Not what to do to get better. Being back at work is getting me more ill fast.
I went back to GP yesterday avo. He gave me just a 3 day course of cortisone tablets - because he reckons allergy to mould is the reason I'm not recovering.
Adge

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Unknown userMember31 Aug 2017, 2:51 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

@Adge

thanks for letting us know how you are

as dec said you are nearly there...the end of the week..then holidays

of course if the bronchitis worsens go back to the doctors for a check up and get a medical certificate

you are doing the best you can with a workplace that does not respects it's employees

so don't be hard on yourself you are working under quite extreme conditions there

take care

In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering

AdgeSenior Contributor31 Aug 2017, 10:29 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Thanks @Former-Member
@Owlunar What you said about Bronchitis etc made a lot of sense.
My Firefox & Edge browsers have been locking me out of the Sane forums for several days now - saying that the connection is not secure.

Added stress when I just want to keep in touch with you all. I was trying to get onto the site for ages tonight.

I couldn't over-ride the browsers, so I've had to resort to using my phone (just before bed). But I'm too tired to write now.

I got my work schedule for tomorrow Friday at 6.30pm tonight - but only after I chased them up for it. Utterly ridiculous.

Still no sign of recovery, I've been worse the past few days. I shall have to go to the doctor again soon - even though I went on Wednesday afternoon.

Adge

In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Unknown userMember01 Sept 2017, 5:01 am AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

@Adge 💜🐦💜🐦💜

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

AdgeSenior Contributor01 Sept 2017, 9:00 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Thanks @Former-Member

I love your pictures & sayings.

Hey, I want to get well soon too (or a long time ago)! I'm not there yet (even partially), & I'm confused & down as to why (or how).

Thanks @Owlunar & @Former-Member You have all been so supportive, I really appreciate it (& anyone else who I may have forgotten to mention).

I have finally reached the end of the week, with quite a struggle.

I've not been able to book any tour trips for my break, due to being so ill - & time is running out. I know that I need to get away somewhere (it doesn't have to be far).

I've not travelled or gone away in several years, & I've never done a tour bus trip before.

Somehow I need to find the energy & clarity of mind to decide on (& book) at least one trip, preferably several.

Adge

In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Unknown userMember01 Sept 2017, 9:36 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Hi @Adge, might I suggest a caravan by the beach where you can hear the waves and walk bare foot in the wet sand in the morning sun. The salt air will do you good.. Or visit a Butterfly farm. Or a health retreat. Maybe a Farm Stay. Off peak times are cheaper. I know its hard to Organise things when you're not well but even if its the 2nd or 3rd week, after resting the first. I'm so glad you finally stood up for yourself and pushed for this break - good for you!

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

AdgeSenior Contributor01 Sept 2017, 9:49 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

@Former-MemberStaying at the beach, waves & salt air sounds lovely...

I don't have the energy to drive myself down through the south-west, so that's where I thought of a bus tour trip.

Also that would give me some company for the trip, & a tour guide to explain things - because I actually don't enjoy travelling alone.

There are several appointments that I still have to get through over the next few days, before I will start to feel free.

Dentist tomorrow (Saturday), car in for full day Monday for Toyota safety recall inspection.

I still need (want) to book trips away ASAP, so far I've been unable to bring myself to decide (or do it).

I love your idea of a butterfly farm. I don't know where there is one anymore, all the ones I knew of closed years ago. I will try to look one up.

Adge

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Unknown userMember01 Sept 2017, 11:35 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

@Adge

Sounds as though Saturday and Monday are taken care of

when you wake up tomorrow morning take a huge breath and congratulate yourself for getting that far

no other negative thinking allowed

once you have achieved that you are ready to think about where to go....your mind will be clearer

enjoy the looking and planning ...all part of your much earned break

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

AdgeSenior Contributor02 Sept 2017, 5:41 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Thanks @Former-Member

I had to take 14 year old Minx puss to the vet today. It's been a struggle to keep her inside (she wants to go out) - despite the fact that she can barely walk, & disappears for days if I let her out.

She's always been an outside cat, & even more so since I got a young cat late last year (which she rejects).

It looks like she has a degenerative spinal disease, which is why she is frequently incontinent (all over the floor). There's no cure or fix for it, the vet didn't hold out much hope for Minx.

I'm not sure what to do next - I really need to be resting & getting better, yet I had to push myself hard to get down to the vet (after the dentis) to try to deal with it...

Adge

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

AdgeSenior Contributor04 Sept 2017, 9:50 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Hi everyone,

I'm still thinking of you all, even though I'm not writing (posting) much.

I'm still battling this infection (& Bronchitis) after more than 14 days, no turn-around yet. I've been pro-active, & have been 5 times to Drs.

I need to find a new GP option, as the one who is most available (who I usually see) keeps on giving me the brush-off, offering no treatment whatsoever.

Despite the fact that the Bronchitis has in fact gone chronic, which which what the locum Dr wanted to avoid (& was concerned about).

I am really struggling with my energy levels at rock bottom, & lack of any mental clarity (as a result). I had another pathology (saliva) test today, to see if it turns up anything useful - but I don't expect it to.

I've had difficulty breathing for some days, & my lungs are making a funny gurgling sound (which I told the GP) - yet he still offered me no treatment options or advice.

In any case, I am making myself go on a tour bus trip to the south-west tomorrow, to at least get away somewhere, despite how I feel. Otherwise I will just continue to feel trapped, exhausted & horrible.

It's a very long 13.5 hour trip, so I'll see how it goes. Someone else will kindly drive me around, which is the only workable option - as there is no way that I can drive that distance with this illness (or even normally, actually).

I'm looking forward to it, although it means leaving at 7.00am in the morning & getting home around 10.30pm (far too late for me).

I haven't done a trip in many years, & this seems the best (or only) way to go...

Adge

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