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@ lapses Early last year 2016 my Dad died after a long painful illness (cancer), which he had been fighting for 6 years.
He survived that long only because of continuous treatments, otherwise he would have been gone in 6 months (they said).
My relationship with him had been somewhat distant at times - due my living in a different state from my entire family for the past 22 years.
Also due to my tumultuous upbringing & family background - which is why I could not stay in the city where I grew up, & chose to live here (3000 kilometres away) instead.
Also wanting to start anew 22 years ago, with needs for greater independence.
Yet those hopes to start a family of my own have never been realized. My marriage ended abruptly, & took my cherished plans & hopes for the future with it.
Then I was confronted with the memories of my SA only 3 months after the end of my marriage - which again turned my life upside-down. My gender identity was shaken, & I no longer felt secure with the sense of identity that I once had.
Followed by a severe health emergency - with 2 emergency bowel surgeries, a stoma & bag for 6 months.
Then a 3rd major bowel surgery to try to put things back together. I almost died twice in hospital they told me.
My siblings & I had found Dad to be emotionally distant & scary right into our adult lives - yet in the last few years we found him to be a kind, intelligent & very caring man. So it was so much harder to lose him.
Due to the stress of having to find a new job, having complex PTSD, & not coping well with the conditions of this occupation (carer) - I've been unable to effectively come to terms with my grief & loss.
It seems that my grief has been largely on hold for the past 14 months since Dad died. I don't feel in touch with it, despite my best efforts to.
I see a psychologist, yet we've been unable to do grief work, or help me to come to terms with the loss of my Dad.
I've remembered very little about him in the past year, which makes it harder - as I have so few memories to draw upon.
I always go quiet when I'm overwhelmed, really stressed, or just plain exhausted (which I am a lot unfortunately).
It's not because I'm avoiding anyone. It's because I can't get the words out to express myself, & it all seems too much.
Yes baby birds are so cute. This one was not even scared of me, which is rare - they usually try to get away quick.
I'm glad that you might be getting some birds soon @Former-Member.
The computer repair place was closed today. My problem solving brain is all mush not working at the moment - I left it too late, but I went into H.N.
I made enquiries about a new computer, because it's come to that point.
Despite having a new hard drive, the old computer's mother board or CPU has probably died - that cannot be fixed.
Which means I need a new computer, despite spending $100's getting the old one fixed.
I couldn't make a decision so late in the day (they closed while I was there).
I need a computer to lodge my work casenotes every day (online) - even though work doesn't pay for it. They sack you if you don't lodge your casenotes.
Adge
In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Unknown userMember
Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Hello @Adge@Former-Member
computers are the bane of my existence
I detest them
had to use them at work of course
have to use them for here
they have a mind of their own
I won't ask any questions..it is about computers therefore my brain automatically switches off
goodnight folks
In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Unknown userMember
Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
@Former-Member, computers get to me too, mostly the software issues though. Trouble is - everything is computerised these days, even the tv and our cars.
No need to apologise @Adge "going quiet when really stressed" we all do it (accept my mother dearest come to think of it, she lashes out, never know where the energy comes for her tirades), but you do what you gotta. You sound very much an introvert, nothing wrong with that, accept its not healthy to stay alone too much.
It must be hard when you "can't get the words out to express things" I can't imagine, although I tend to journal so I don't do the tirade thing (like ma) and make matters worse. Sometimes my brain gets challenged too when flat andvi just have to go put hand to task, gardening or craft instead for a while. Hey, that baby birds "not even scared" of you is a testament to your gentle character I think, beautiful soul, they know when were in moods too. Birds are lovely. Really must get some soon. With computer, what do you mean - "I left it too late" ? Is that the warranty? And what is "H.N" Guess you feel a bit 'had' wasting recent money on it to no evail. Grr BaHumbug with you over that. New computers are expensive, I suggest you just grab a tashiba laptop. I hardly ever use my desktop these days. You said: "I need a computer to lodge my work casenotes every day (online) - even though work doesn't pay for it. They sack you if you don't lodge your casenotes" Personally I think they need to provide a computer if its necessary part of the job, and pay an extra 1/2hr a day to do it. But I'm a socialist at heart. I have the same issue with Comm Support Work. When my computer playing up - i toddle off to the library. Lucky I don't get called in to work much. ____ OK, I really just logged on to ask you to light a candle for me today please, my dog is crook, breathing up fast, think his heart is going like hisvmates did last year, not good. About to take him to the vet, have to make a decision 😞 He's 15yo, was my girls 5th birthday present, and my last captive lifeform left at home here. I'm not sure how I'll cope. Better go do that now the vet is open 😞
In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering
OwlunarSenior Contributor
Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
I am here @Former-Member
I took a day off and did some cooking and pulled some weeds in my garden and cleared a lot off my hard-drive on my DVR - and the day passed quietly and pleasantly and I ate half the cookies I made
That would be a spiritual experience to light a candle for your lost yesterday and wake up when it was dark and it was the only light in the house with your little girl's pic right there - yes - these are the moments to hold and cherish
And @Adge
So sorry about that computer - darn it - I battled on for ages with my old one until it gave up the ghost entirely - I have found that getting computers fixed is a lot like throwing good money into a useless place - omstars - I am happy to replace one after the warranty has laspsed - two - three years is a good time for a computer - I still have my old one with all the data - one day I will transfer it - but I guess I know where it all is
Somehow it does not seem fair to me that you have to use you own computer for your case notes and you are not paid for the time nor the use of your computer - I really think whomever it is that you work for is pretty careless with their workers - and I know you battle with that job and do your best - wow - what takers they are!!!!
All the best my friends -
Dec
In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Unknown userMember
Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Is that your cat @OwlunarDec, ? this is my pooch. Had to send him home to be with my girl this morning 😖 Not sure how to articulate how I feel but haven't been able to stop the tears since and my hands are shaking (hard to type) and have headache. Working hard to push aside the barrage of dark thoughts that come with loss, my final company (responsibility at home). The vet said his heart was failing and at the best they could do, with expensive medication, would only give him a few months. I watched my girl take her last breath, this was her dog, so I couldn't put myself through watching him, and they will disposal (all $135). She said 15 was pretty good for little dogs, put up with me longer than my girl, has been a lovely energetic dog, and good company through the worst of times. He's better off now, and not suffering, or have to grie the loss of her anymore (2011), or his mate(last year), or me.
What a week it has been. Don't know who to ring and tell. Glad you're here. Think I'll have to sleep it away. Don't know. Hope I'm stronger this time.
A butcher bird feeding young just came close so I fed her, bit comforting (thanks God)🌷🌿❤
In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering
TheVorticonSenior Contributor
Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Please excuse the random interjection @Adge but is your computer a desktop? If you just bought a new harddrive and were feeling up to it perhaps you could just get a new mobo and cpu (checking compatability of course) and assemble it yourself? It tends to be better value buying parts than getting a pre-built, although can't so much rely on warranty except for individual parts.
In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Unknown userMember
Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
hello @Former-Member
so sorry for your loss of such a beautiful pet
He looks so much like my english jack russell who lasted until the age of 15 also. I said my goodbyes to her many years ago.
You have been through so much and resting is probably a good idea for today.
Yes you are being noticed and watched over, the butcher bird
rest up xxxxxxx
In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
AdgeSenior Contributor
Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Thanks @Owlunar for your thoughts.
Thanks @TheVorticon Great idea, probably the most cost-effective. Maybe not right now, as I really don't feel up to it (& don't know how to do it).
@Former-MemberI'm sorry for the loss of your dog, that's really sad & hard. I'm thinking of you.
I don't even know where my poor old hobbly cat is at the moment (she disappears outside), it really worries me.
It's been a tough day (not over yet. Now I've goto drive a 1 &1/2 hour round trip back to work, then home again - just for a stupid 1 hour meeting. It's not worth my while, yet they say "it's compulsory"!
Adge
In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
TheVorticonSenior Contributor
Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Sorry for your loss @Former-Member.
@Adge no problemo. Another option is some computer stores allow you to select parts from them and pay a small fee for them to assemble it, which can often be cheaper than a retail pre-built as well. But that can definitely be a larger, more daunting and time consuming task than getting a pre-built so it sounds like pre-built may be the best option right now which is fine. Hope the work meeting isn't too much of a chore.
In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Unknown userMember
Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering
Thanks @TheVoryican, @Adge, @Former-Member, about my dog - what can I say? "shit happens" I guess it was in the order of things for him, his time. Appreciate the condolences, I'm trying hard not to overreact. 💜🐕💕
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