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Grief & loss - may be triggering

AdgeSenior Contributor25 May 2017, 10:42 pm AEST

Grief & loss - may be triggering

@ lapses
Early last year 2016 my Dad died after a long painful illness (cancer), which he had been fighting for 6 years.

He survived that long only because of continuous treatments, otherwise he would have been gone in 6 months (they said).

My relationship with him had been somewhat distant at times - due my living in a different state from my entire family for the past 22 years.

Also due to my tumultuous upbringing & family background - which is why I could not stay in the city where I grew up, & chose to live here (3000 kilometres away) instead.

Also wanting to start anew 22 years ago, with needs for greater independence.

Yet those hopes to start a family of my own have never been realized. My marriage ended abruptly, & took my cherished plans & hopes for the future with it.

Then I was confronted with the memories of my SA only 3 months after the end of my marriage - which again turned my life upside-down. My gender identity was shaken, & I no longer felt secure with the sense of identity that I once had.

Followed by a severe health emergency - with 2 emergency bowel surgeries, a stoma & bag for 6 months.

Then a 3rd major bowel surgery to try to put things back together. I almost died twice in hospital they told me.

My siblings & I had found Dad to be emotionally distant & scary right into our adult lives - yet in the last few years we found him to be a kind, intelligent & very caring man. So it was so much harder to lose him.

Due to the stress of having to find a new job, having complex PTSD, & not coping well with the conditions of this occupation (carer) - I've been unable to effectively come to terms with my grief & loss.

It seems that my grief has been largely on hold for the past 14 months since Dad died. I don't feel in touch with it, despite my best efforts to.

I see a psychologist, yet we've been unable to do grief work, or help me to come to terms with the loss of my Dad.

I've remembered very little about him in the past year, which makes it harder - as I have so few memories to draw upon.

Adge

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In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering

AdgeSenior Contributor09 July 2017, 11:15 am AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Thanks @Former-Member I would so love it if our lost loved ones could come home...

I'm going back to the Dr again, since I've got much worse over the past 3 days. Don't know if I'll have any better luck this time.

I so need to do my bird aviaries today, yet I haven't got any energy.

I can "like" posts ok on my computer it seems - but I've not been able to like any posts on my mobile phone for days, it won't let me. That technical glitch you mentioned is still going on.

Adge

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

AdgeSenior Contributor11 July 2017, 12:35 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

I found out today that Ruah, my Personal Helpers & Mentors Program (MH Support Worker) have not subtracted the 3 months time spent waiting for a new worker, when the first personal left after only one appointment.

They had promised that any time (3 months) spent waiting for a new worker, would not be included in the the 2 years allowed. I spent 12 months on the waiting list, before that.

Now they've told me that the service will end in October, 3 months earlier than I expected (or was told).

That's quite a shock, as we have not achieved our job-search or social goals yet.

I didn't see this coming.

Adge

In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Unknown userMember11 July 2017, 12:56 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Disappointing @Adge, guess we have to consider we could be on our own, so to speak, at the drop of a hat. Maybe you can put your goals up here and we can help you along. Not today, having trouble getting out of bed again, keep falling g asleep, but gotta try. Have a good day 🙂

In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Unknown userMember11 July 2017, 11:53 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

You OK @Adge? Do ya have to work tomorrow?

In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering

AdgeSenior Contributor12 July 2017, 10:01 am AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Thanks @Former-Member
Still so dopey & sick though slowly recovering I think.
Went back to Dr yesterday avo (3rd time in one week).
He said take today Wednesday off too until getting properly recovered.
Goto lie down now.
I'm sorry you've been having a rough time the last few days.
Adge

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

OwlunarSenior Contributor12 July 2017, 10:17 am AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

I'm sorry you are feeling so crook @Adge

The flu does that to you - it is a serious illness that really knocks your socks off

Take the time to recover - and I am thinking of you

Dec

mmmyp

In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Unknown userMember12 July 2017, 12:25 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Lovely post @Owlunar, and like your little pictures. Thank you @Adge, i'm ok now now, sorry, just get emotional or something, all things pass. Glad your GP is supportive, rest up my friend, get some sunshine if possible, lots of vegies, soup... I bought a new crock pot yesterday, no excuses now, just chuck everything in and 🍜tea is done - yummo! Take care 🌷🌿💜

Had a great pic post on Grief but still got serious issues to an' upload pictures. It says

"Grief is NOT a disorder, disease or weakness. It is an emotional, physical, spiritual necessity. The price we pay for love. The only cure for grief is yo Grieve" ~ Earl Grollman

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

AdgeSenior Contributor12 July 2017, 12:41 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Thanks @Owlunar

Thanks @Former-Member Your new croc pot sounds like a good idea.

Yeah I definitely need something to cuddle up to for comfort, like that teddy bear in the picture.

The longer that I'm ill, the more it seems to knock my confidence.

This virus & infection came so soon after my last recovery (only 6 weeks earlier)...

I had some more jokes that I wanted to write on the joke thread - but I clean forgot what they were, & I still haven't remembered them yet (to be able to write).

Adge

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Unknown userMember12 July 2017, 12:51 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Don't worry @Adge, yyou'll bounce back physically soon enough, the body does that. Know what ya mean about confidence though, I've spent the last week floundering and havethe shop tomorrow. Not sure if I'm up to it but with confidence issues (heart&mind) we do have to push through. But when your physically better Adge. The crock pot is only $22 at bigW atm - makes soups easier, safer lol

Hugz 🌷🌿♨

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

OwlunarSenior Contributor12 July 2017, 10:18 pm AEST

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Thanks @Former-Member

I like the little pics too - I find them in clip art - and I enjoy looking for something appropriate

Let's see what I can find for this post

Wheee - great people

I got caught in the surf of grief this evening - it happens - like being hit by a big wave and getting sucked out to sea - I used to do body-surfing so the reality of the situation was something I was not scared of - and it passes quickly - but horrible at times - the anniversary is nearly here - so it will pass soon

Dec

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