Grief & loss - may be triggering

Hi @Adge, Glad u liked the article 🙏 Sorry you've come down with another virus / flu, so soon, and feel like cr#p 😞 Maybe this time youll recover faster. Get some sunshine and lots of fluids. Its hard on you're own, i know, be nice to have someone to just make a cuppa. Rest up, stay warm ☕

I'm kinda well thanks, got aches and sore throat, but so far staying on top of it.

With your grief study, wonder how they work out your grief status? Guess its still early days for you. Did they help you in any way? Interesting you say it feels lije your "life has been on hold since Dad died" A lot of people say that, frozen. I still feel life I'm waiting for her to cone home. And she still talks to me. But nobody's asking.

Glad your neighbour gave you a hand. What's this about a " verge collection " You growing some?🍅🍄:eggplant:🌰🍈🌱🌾

Hope you didn't hurt yourself moving the old couch on ya own? Was it worth the effort? Comfe? 😆

Nice chatting, i was getting worried there for a bit I'd said something wrong 😱

You take care 🌷🌿🐦

Hi @Former-Member I've just had such low energy, even before I got this virus.

I always appreciate your thoughts.

The verge collection is the council rubbish collection (once a year), for large things that won't fit in the bin etc.

I forgot, nobody calls them verges on the east coast (they're footpaths over there).

I did over do it, dragging that couch out for the collection. I don't think I injured myself, though I would never have got the table out without help.

I haven't had any grief study sessions yet, it's all completing written questionnaires so far.

Thanks.

Adge

Hi @Adge

Being alone when we are sick is horrible - and it does make us feel vulnerable - I have been alone for over 25 years and had a rough time early in the piece - but I can assure you as years go by it gets easier to handle

Yes - it does seem as if you have a long way to go with your grief - they call it "grief work" actually - and some people can roll with the punches more easily than others - some people find grief can close us down

It has a lot to do with past losses also - it's a pretty massive issue and people react differently - not just to each other - but also to the different losses we experience. Don't push things - give yourself time

That was so kind of your neighbour to help you get that table out for the hard rubbish collection - as we call it in the east - verge collection - we call the nature strip the verge -

And you got the old couch out there too - that might have been too much but I bet it feels better to have the space rather than old stuff cluttering the place up

All the best Adge

Dec

Thanks @Owlunar

Oh yes, the nature strip. I remember. I grew up in Sydney, & spent the best part of 24 years there.

I've been alone for most of my life, 7 years straight most recently. So far it's never been easier as time goes by, but it's encouraging to hear that it has for you.

I think the fact that one grief (or loss) has been compounded one on top of the other, in just a few years - probably makes the most recent grief more difficult to feel. Or to work through.

Sadly my youngest brother is about to lose his mother in law, from cancer. My sister in law (his wife) is understandably distraught.

Her diagnosis was only 6 months ago, so it's so fast. And comes just over a year since Dad died. It still seems a shock. I only met my brother's mother in law twice (I think) - she seemed lovely.

Yes it does feel really good to get rid of stuff that was causing clutter, & limiting my space. Also some things that were largely forced upon me years ago, that I never wanted (& couldn't use) in the first place. More space! The living space has always been small.

Adge

@Former-MemberYes you did have a really rough day yesterday, as you said in the other thread. Long-lasting pain is so hard to bear.

I've got intense back pain most mornings, maybe worse due to the cold weather. It started when I had my scoliosis first diagnosed 20 years ago - though I was never given any treatment options for it.

I tried to "like" lots of posts, but that technical glitch you mentioned wouldn't let me do it.

I worked all day today in the cold, catching trains & buses with clients. No, I haven't recovered from illness yet - I'm hoping that today doesn't make it worse again.

There's a line in the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy (book & movies) - about people who cannot stop talking incessantly (all day).

Many of my clients do that, without stopping even for a breath - now I find that the new staff do it as well (possibly to avoid feeling awkward). It's utterly draining to listen to all day (today), & no useful or relevant information was exchanged through the constant talk.

The long-term staff all appreciated the value of silence, especially towards the end of the day (when everyone was tired).

They would sit quietly with the clients, after our activities, without trying to make chatter (just for the sake of it). Sadly those people (staff) have all left the organisation - the last one left today.

Adge

🌷🌿 🐦🐥