Grief & loss - may be triggering

Hi @Adge

I have been busy elsewhere in the forum for some hours - I hope to catch up with you tomorrow

Dec

Hi @Adge

Sorry it took so long to get back - I was activated all day yesterday and then went to sleep early - ah -

Behavioural Activation - I like your term "doing stuff" better because it sounds honest and not like intellectualism (being clever)

I think it has been practised for a long time - when my husband and I lost our son my husband didn't help with the grief process - he told me to "go and do your things" - not helpful at all -

So this was over 30 years ago and now - I find Life-Line really helpful and often - they want to know what I will be doing after the call - activating me to "do stuff" I guess - so Life-Line has been doing this for a long time and I can't tell if it works or not because I will do whatever I will do when I am ready - and sometimes sitting in my chair and thinking about the conversation I just had is what I do - nothing wrong with that

Anyway - I am sure there is more to it than that but it does sound a little short-sighted not to have a check-in later to see if it has worked.

I am sorry that doing something interesting or pleasing yourself is causing you guilt and shame, making you feel bad etc - and if this is the case - this is where you start from - I think from where you are now to having a lot of happy things to do is a big step and it's better to make little ones

I did read about all the things that happened to you a couple of days back - and yes - that would be awful - but gradually you need to put aside the bad feelings life gives you and take pleasing yourself back - and I know this is hard

But it must have been hard sharing all of this - and I am glad you have

And I agree - long term therapy seems a better idea - and I wish you the best

Dec

Thanks @Owlunar I sit on my chair thinking about conversations with Lifeline too. So I can relate to that.

Yes I'm not a one for fancy terms either - I like to break things down into more simple explanations.

Adge

Hi @Adge

It sounds as if life is pretty hard for you right now and I am concerned about your younger brother - blind and disabled - being taken advantage of by unscrupulous people - certainly not his friends

He is in public housing - I am wondering if he could be classed as managing his life with this happening - it's his life and if I had such a concern I might be moved to contact his case-worker or someone else about the situation - because he is being caught into a drug-thing possibly unaware of the dangers

This must make you worry

I like thinking so I am thinking of your too - and your brother - what a puzzle that has to be

And this "doing stuff" course - maybe just going is part of the activation - but it's a long session - do you get a coffee break in the middle?

I hope your weekend is okay Adge

Dec

Thanks @Owlunar I hope you have a good weekend.

My brothers, my Mum & relatives live in NSW. I've lived in WA for 22 years, almost 4000 kms away - there are very good (although painful) reasons for that.

My Mum (& Dad before he died) have tried very hard to get my brother on-going support, & Dad used to drive him to AA meetings.

My brother has not cooperated with most support (home care etc) offered, & instead often chooses to go out at the time of his appointments. So the worker arrives (him not home) & has to leave without providing him with any support. This has been happening for several years.

Several people went to jail for kidnapping my brother & extoring his money - yet he re-contacted those same people when they came out of jail, & continues to invite similar people into his unit.

Mum has tried absolutely everything.

Adge

Hi @Adge

I undderstand your mother must be at the end of her resources and this must wear her down - I was in a similar place before my son died - I tried everything too

It's not really my place to say but your brother needs to be in an environment away from these users - and he thinks they like him - I get that - he is in "with the wrong crowd" as they say - but maybe his mental illness in not severe enough for him to be in protective custody - perhaps even hospital - because he continues to make poor choices and this is something I really get

My son was badly wired - he was what people would call a mixed-up kid - he had a lot of trouble living within the bounds of society - he didn't have any obvious physical disabilities but there was something wrong - but it was never diagnosed.

So as bad as it was I was glad when he went into Juvenile Detention - I thought he would be safe there - but he wasn't

So I get the picture with your brother - it depends on his ability to make decisions that are good for him - and maybe he goes after the users because they pretend to like him - and it is hard for him to make friends

I really care - about all of this and for you and your mother where your brother is concerned - but after having a difficult time with my son until he was in his mid-teens I understand everything so far available has been tried

That is a sad situation

Dec

Hi @Adge, jjust popped over to see if you were here, ask how your weekend was?I see you're getting around the forums more, well done! There's some good people here. I haven't made much headway with projects (birds and all) but will get there. How's your birding? 🐦🐥🌿 Did you pop over the Party thread? Lots going on there. You take care, hugz 🌷🌿