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Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

SaharaSenior Contributor11 May 2017, 2:23 pm AEST

Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Hi Everyone,

I've been away from Sane for a while, but I wanted to write about a recent upset. I have been feeling very angry and sad and anxious.

I was part of a community group, but I recently resigned, as I found it very unrewarding, time-consuming and frustrating. I had a leadership role. There was one lady in our group who really bothered me and confused me.

This lady resigned from our leadership board because she felt the group "lacked vision" which made her feel "uncomfortable". She made a big show of resigning in front of everyone and I felt very personally criticized by her actions, as I was ultimately in charge of the board.

(Some of you may remember me writing about this a few months back!)

Anyway, so as not to create disharmony in the group, I just accepted her resignation and thanked her. The bad news is that she decided to hang around.... as a regular member of our group. (Nothing I could do about that.) Then, she started turning up to board meetings again! And once or twice she landed on my front doorstep to ask questions.... without so much as a howdy-do! Like, she obviously has no social skills!

I tolerated her, but my anger began to grow.

The thing is, that up until her resigning from the board, I had had her around for tea and scones at my place and welcomed her into my home... we were also planning to run a workshop together.... then, bam, she just hits me with her resignation totally out of the blue!

Why?

Now that I too have left the group, I decided to tell her how I really felt about her inconsistent and confusing behavior. I emailed her and told her that I felt disrespected by her and explained why. I got it all off my chest in an articulate and pithy way. Then I blocked her emails because I am just so angry at her.

My anger seems to come from people who give me very mixed messages. I really feel so flat and drained now... I keep wanting to fall asleep. I'm also pretty anxious- like, what if she turns up at my house again? I know this doesn't sound very serious to most of you, but I have this huge problem telling people how I really feel and once I do tell them, I feel frightened.

Thanks.

274 replies

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In response to: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

utopiaSenior Contributor23 May 2017, 10:52 am AEST

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

@Sahara. That is great news!!! Wow it would be so good if they take you on. Bet you're feeling a real buzz today over it. How long will ot take before a decision is made? Do you need to go through interview processes with them?
I had my first meeting with the mental health support group GROW yesterday. I was exhausted when I got home so I slept for 3 hours.
Then last night was my first AA meeting. I liked the atmosphere there. It was really supportive. One of the ladys will take me to a meeting in another town on Wednesday night. They recommend going daily to meetings. But living in the country - other towns are a fare way away and all have night time meetings. Whereas I struggle more in the afternoon.
I slept for 10 hours last night. Emotionally drained. Feel like just staying in bed today.

In response to: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Unknown userMember23 May 2017, 11:12 am AEST

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

hello @Sahara @utopia

"you took the words right out of my mouth" can you hear my dreadful singing??

I agree wholeheartedly. As I was reading the first post of glee I was thinking the very same. They dismissed you unfairly before and the owner has a duty of care there also.

Write everything down...dot point what is most important to you...take the concise, dot pointed list with you and casually have it on the desk in front of you during the interview. Demonstrates you are keen, organised, structured and have lots to offer. I would hire you!

I imagine if the place hasnt changed they will flounder at how well organised you are. So work with the personality of the interviewer. Confidence will be on your side also.

At the end of the day, if you don't get the job, you will be better off without it judging from their track record it will only demonstrate that working conditions there have not improved.

Good luck with it.

In response to: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Unknown userMember23 May 2017, 11:14 am AEST

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

@Sahara

excellent news

just what the doctor ordered... something positive!

go girl

In response to: Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

SaharaSenior Contributor23 May 2017, 7:39 pm AEST

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Wow, @utopia, you went to Grow and then AA and then AA again? That is a lot of meetings! It's very brave of you- I don't think I could do it. There is a mental health support group that meets locally at our library, but I really can't imagine myself going to it. I guess because this is a small town.... I know the librarians, and I really like them, and they would see me leaving the meeting and I would feel weird about it.

But it sounds like you have got a lot out of your meetings.... I know that feeling of being completely exhausted, for me it relates to my social anxiety and how drained other people can make me feel.

Did you stay in bed? I had go to work and it's very physical work, too. I'm pretty drained now.

Hmmm... with the PhD- firstly I have to write a research proposal which will be around 2,000 words. Then they have to read it and see what they think. Then I will have to have an interview and maybe then they will take me on. I think if I am persistent, then I will get through. I know it can be tricky. They like to keep people hanging! I have heard a few stories.

By the way, I am like you, I seem to feel tired in evenings and feel more like drinking in the afternoons. Hope you had a good day.

In response to: Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

SaharaSenior Contributor23 May 2017, 7:47 pm AEST

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Thanks @Former-Member,

I am kind of thinking that in the spring-time I will go and see those people about the job and just really draw out the interview process .... asking heaps of questions and really putting them on the spot. I think I would enjoy that!

Something else has potentially come up, too. There may be a few new jobs going at the tourist info center - and they pay really well. So I am going to explore that option.... they are run by the local council and the conditions of the job are set out properly and everything is above board there. So I am thinking about that.

What is happening with you, @Former-Member?

In response to: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

utopiaSenior Contributor23 May 2017, 7:57 pm AEST

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

@Sahara. I wish the mental health support group was in my town instead of 40 minutes drive away in a slightly larger town. I have no problem with this town knowing I have MI. Most of the town know now anyway. And I have nothing to be ashamed about.
AA on the other hand - that's a bit harder for me to admit at the moment. Last night they introduced themselves and said "I'm an alcoholic". My turn - I said my name and said "I have a problem with alcohol, but am not comfortable saying I'm an alcoholic".
So I have shame in my drinking - even though it was a way to try and deal with my MI.
Got to love my brain. Logic is not quite right today.

In response to: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

utopiaSenior Contributor23 May 2017, 8:02 pm AEST

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

@Sahara. Forgot to say. The youth if my small town are currently holding meetings in our library meeting room to find ways if reducing mental health stigma in our youth - so they will be more likely to seek help.
Our librarians know all of them and their parents and Grandparents. I'm attending the meetings as well - to try to add in the children of those living with an MI.
But these teens - they are truly inspiring. They work through their fears together and support each other in ways that give me great hope forthe future.

In response to: Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Unknown userMember23 May 2017, 11:44 pm AEST

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

@Sahara

I did some volunteer work at tourist info centre

had to stop when became ill

good luck

happening with me? Too much too tired... I am flitting from posts

i will be fine

In response to: Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

SaharaSenior Contributor24 May 2017, 7:55 am AEST

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

@utopia, I'm so glad you wrote what you did about AA. I doubt I could ever stand up in a meeting and say "I am an Alcoholic." Partly, this is because I'm not sure that I am an alcoholic, although I do have a problem with alcohol.

I scored either 4 out of 10 or 4 out of 12 on the AA website questionnaire. I can't remember which score it was, but my score revealed "You most likely have a problem with alcohol", which I had already guessed, but it was sad seeing it written down in front of me.

I drink alcohol to medicate my emotions as I suffer from bad anxiety. I also drink it for pleasure when I am eating a nice meal and when I am meeting a friend in town for a catch-up. If the doctors would prescribe me some minor tranquilizers for my anxiety, then I would gladly take them instead of drinking, because frankly, they work much better and have a longer lasting effect!

However, the doctors are very reluctant to prescribe this type of medication, these days. I would probably have to go back to a psychiatrist and put forward my case, in order to get the meds. Which is not a bad idea, when I really think about it. I think the G.P's take one look at me and decide that my anxiety is not that bad and that my only problem is that I like to pop pills! I honestly believe that this is what they think.

I would be perfectly happy to go and see a psychiatrist and go over my experiences of anxiety for them in detail.... even if I did have to wait two months for an appointment- whatever, I am fairly patient.

I understand what you mean in feeling shame about drinking.... it's because of the stigma attached to it, I think. But alcoholism is a disease and should be treated just like any other disease... it even has a genetic component, I think.

Good on you for going to AA!

In response to: Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

SaharaSenior Contributor24 May 2017, 7:59 am AEST

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Hi @Former-Member,

hope you are feeling less tired today. I was exhausted from work, but I still woke up befroe 6 am this morning. It just seems to be what my body-clock wants to do.

xxx

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