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Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

SaharaSenior Contributor11 May 2017, 2:23 pm AEST

Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Hi Everyone,

I've been away from Sane for a while, but I wanted to write about a recent upset. I have been feeling very angry and sad and anxious.

I was part of a community group, but I recently resigned, as I found it very unrewarding, time-consuming and frustrating. I had a leadership role. There was one lady in our group who really bothered me and confused me.

This lady resigned from our leadership board because she felt the group "lacked vision" which made her feel "uncomfortable". She made a big show of resigning in front of everyone and I felt very personally criticized by her actions, as I was ultimately in charge of the board.

(Some of you may remember me writing about this a few months back!)

Anyway, so as not to create disharmony in the group, I just accepted her resignation and thanked her. The bad news is that she decided to hang around.... as a regular member of our group. (Nothing I could do about that.) Then, she started turning up to board meetings again! And once or twice she landed on my front doorstep to ask questions.... without so much as a howdy-do! Like, she obviously has no social skills!

I tolerated her, but my anger began to grow.

The thing is, that up until her resigning from the board, I had had her around for tea and scones at my place and welcomed her into my home... we were also planning to run a workshop together.... then, bam, she just hits me with her resignation totally out of the blue!

Why?

Now that I too have left the group, I decided to tell her how I really felt about her inconsistent and confusing behavior. I emailed her and told her that I felt disrespected by her and explained why. I got it all off my chest in an articulate and pithy way. Then I blocked her emails because I am just so angry at her.

My anger seems to come from people who give me very mixed messages. I really feel so flat and drained now... I keep wanting to fall asleep. I'm also pretty anxious- like, what if she turns up at my house again? I know this doesn't sound very serious to most of you, but I have this huge problem telling people how I really feel and once I do tell them, I feel frightened.

Thanks.

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In response to: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Unknown userMember19 Jan 2018, 2:00 pm AEDT

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

@Sahara That is great news. Well not that you day has cancer but that it hasn’t got worse. Even better that the specialist rang you instead of you having to rely on you Dad to tell you. So pleased for you.

Hopefully with this news your sisters stress levels go down a bit.

💗💗

In response to: Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

SaharaSenior Contributor20 Jan 2018, 7:59 am AEDT

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Thanks you @Former-Member.

My Sis is a lot better... but only for now. As soon as Dad's health starts getting worse, she will go down-hill, I think.

I had a chat about her with my Brother and he says she is just like our Mum was. Highly-strung and stressed out all the time, that is.

I said to him, "yes, I guess she is like our Mum, but if I can help her to see the light.... maybe she doesn't have to be that way."

My Bro then just laughed this kinda fake laugh and said "Are you kidding me? She will never change."

One thing I have accept is that she isn't really my responsibilty, either way. I can talk to her, but it's up to her if she really wants to make any changes in her life.

Right now I just see her a a person with an incredibly jam-packed schedule that starts at 6 am and ends at 10.30 at night, where there is not even one moment she has to herself, hence, no enjoyment at all in her entire life.

Who would live that way??

In response to: Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Unknown userMember20 Jan 2018, 11:06 am AEDT

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

@Sahara

Your brother is right. Your sister sounds like my mum!

I guess some people cannot see themselves and hard to look from the outside at times. I have told my mum she needs to go see someone and get some help but continuly denies she needs help. I have learnt that unless she is willing to change, my hands are tied.

In response to: Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

SaharaSenior Contributor20 Jan 2018, 12:12 pm AEDT

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Yes, @Former-Member,

our hands are absolutely tied! We can only gently make suggestions and that is all we can do. People have to live their own lives and make their own decisions... even though sometimes it can be very uncomfortable to watch them being unhappy- it is still their choice and people must have their freedom, no matter what.

The only time we can really step in is when someone is psychotic, or they are an immediate physical danger to themselves or someone else. Then we must act.

But otherwise.... we can only listen and show empathy.

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