Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

@Sahara You contact father frequently. Its about finding a way that sits genuinely. Just the attempt to reach out is significant.

I am moving away from some groups too. Letting go my attachment, drive and motivation for difficult individuals and groups.

I had many unrealistic social expectations on myself. Not really grandiose just dumbly idealistic.

It sounds good to be able to act in ways where we can see the social consequences of our acts and adapt.

Atm the most important areas are my son and me.

We are going through crisis but I cannot talk about it. Crisis not conflict. He is aware I love him.

Hi @Owlunar

@Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Former-Member Friends All

I saw the commissioner this week and it was grounding for me. It helps to know that attitudes about Childhood Sexual Assualt are changing and it is no longer tolerated or acceptable. This was in addition to my son's current crisis, but the timing may not be a coincidence.

I am weary and too serious a mood for Friday Feast, but hope everyone is going along reasonably alright.

Hugs @Appleblossom .... 💗🌸

@Appleblossom

I am relieved that you have seen the commissioner and received acknowledgement

sending you love to surround you and your son

Thank you all

@Sahara @Faith-and-Hope @Owlunar @Former-Member @Former-Member

We had very bad news yesterday.... my Dad is very sick, he is in hospital now and the chemo isn't working anymore. They are going to stop the chemo and maybe find something else that might help.... (but that sounds like a long shot, to me.)

We are waiting for more results of tests. It dosen't sound good. I have to work this weekend and I feel guilty for not being there with him. I will cancel my work commitments, as of Monday.

I feel bad that I've kind of avoided him for the last 4 months or so.

I am willing to put in a sustained effort now, to be there for him, sit with him and listen to him. It will be very hard- but I think I am stronger now than I have been in a long time.

I am so sorry to hear that @Sahara ..... and yeah, having to work the weekend under these conditions sounds sucky .....

I am glad you are feeling strong enough to be able to commit to time spent with him. Although very hard, it will also be special in many ways.

Please remember to take the mini-breaks you will need to keep looking after yourself as well under this extra emotional loading .... it's so important to your own continued well-being.

Incoming hugs @Sahara .....

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope. I will take care of myself! xxx

I had a bit of an ah-ha moment yesterday.

I called out someone on their sexist and agist advertsing on a community notice board - and their ad got taken down!

I was so conflicted- and I know that it was really such a small thing, but for me it was epic. Becuase I've had problems in the work-place in the past, suffered massive amonts of anxiety over my worth as a human being....

Part of me was saying "please don't make waves... this is really none of your business" while the other part of me was saying, very strongly "if you see an injustice, you should fight against it" (actually the Dalai Lama's words).

My heart was thumping in my chest- honestly, I thought my heart was going to break through my rib-cage and bound out of my body on it's own!! It was beating that loudly. I was really aware of it, but I just let myself feel it and stay with it. I kind of thought "Wow, this is obviously such a huge thing for me. I kind of have to do it."

Afterwards, I just went for ride on my bike and had a coffee in town. It was kind of cool. Normally, after doing something so confronting I would hide in the house for the afternoon. But this time I just got out and about and I basically felt ok.

It was pretty miraculous. I really do feel good today.