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Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Hi Everyone,

I've been away from Sane for a while, but I wanted to write about a recent upset. I have been feeling very angry and sad and anxious.

I was part of a community group, but I recently resigned, as I found it very unrewarding, time-consuming and frustrating. I had a leadership role. There was one lady in our group who really bothered me and confused me.

This lady resigned from our leadership board because she felt the group "lacked vision" which made her feel "uncomfortable". She made a big show of resigning in front of everyone and I felt very personally criticized by her actions, as I was ultimately in charge of the board.

(Some of you may remember me writing about this a few months back!)

Anyway, so as not to create disharmony in the group, I just accepted her resignation and thanked her. The bad news is that she decided to hang around.... as a regular member of our group. (Nothing I could do about that.) Then, she started turning up to board meetings again! And once or twice she landed on my front doorstep to ask questions.... without so much as a howdy-do! Like, she obviously has no social skills!

I tolerated her, but my anger began to grow.

The thing is, that up until her resigning from the board, I had had her around for tea and scones at my place and welcomed her into my home... we were also planning to run a workshop together.... then, bam, she just hits me with her resignation totally out of the blue!

Why?

Now that I too have left the group, I decided to tell her how I really felt about her inconsistent and confusing behavior. I emailed her and told her that I felt disrespected by her and explained why. I got it all off my chest in an articulate and pithy way. Then I blocked her emails because I am just so angry at her.

My anger seems to come from people who give me very mixed messages. I really feel so flat and drained now... I keep wanting to fall asleep. I'm also pretty anxious- like, what if she turns up at my house again? I know this doesn't sound very serious to most of you, but I have this huge problem telling people how I really feel and once I do tell them, I feel frightened.

Thanks.

274 replies

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In response to: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

So well done @Sahara ...... good for you ❣️🎉

In response to: Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope!

the next chapter to this story is even more interesting. I recently got a job- a really basic, entry-level job doing menial tasks. One of my co-workers told me that the job doesn't pay award rates for the weekends. I thought to myself "Here we go again. This town is really living in the dark ages. No-one seems to pay you properly here."

So today, being the first time I'd ever had to work a weekend day, I printed out all the correct rates of pay for my job from the Fair Work Commission website. I walked into the office and went over it with my boss. I was really nice about it.

Well.... you can imagine her reaction!!

Gradually, she raised her voice higher and higher. Then she demanded my co-worker come straight to the office and tell her what was going on. Then she became verbally abusive towards me. My co-worker was crying by this time. (I felt a bit sorry for my co-worker- of course, she didn't want this to happen.)

Then my boss tried to fire me - saying "You are no longer required here. This is not going to work out."

I replied that "It's not lawful under the Fair Work Act to fire someone for asking to be paid correctly." To which she became incredulous. Obviously she could not believe that a worker would know her rights!

She yelled at me again and even used the "f" word and so I stated "You're abusive"

Then I decided to go. I just handed her the Fair Work paperwork that I'd printed out and left the office and came home. I said "Well, I'll leave these here for your reference, then."

Funny thing is that I actually feel quite good. I did the right thing. I'm glad to be out of there. I stood up for myself and I'm so glad I did. I would do it all again.

@Former-Member, you might be interested in this. xx

In response to: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

@Sahara, not that I know much about it ..... but if you contact Fair Trade you might be entitled from some compensation from this employer ...... and not for the money so much, but at the moment she has gotten away with treating people like this (with a dent in her arrogance now, thanks to you) ..... but it actually costing her for abusing employees like that is what the laws are there for ...... and it will stop her abusing anyone else using the f-word if it's gonna ricochet into her hip pocket any time she does ......

Well done you ❣️

🎉💃

In response to: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

P.S. @Sahara ...... you might have to change the title of this thread ..... jus' sayin' ...... 😆

In response to: Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

@Sahara

I can see your point,the only thing is for the past two years I have had to deal with matters on principal,put a complaint in and lost on every occasion.

One was selling the family farm ,which I can't discuss because it triggers me greatly,the other was the fact that my mother had a face to face with a customer service person at a bank two years ago when she took out car insurance.I was driving us somewhere last year when a object,I think was a tryre hit us did over a thousand damage to the front bumper.I discovered my mother had a insurance policy with no additional drivers.I have drove it for years if we take that car,and it seemed obvious that customer service representative failed to ask my mother "if anyone else drives your car?".My mother is capable of answering this.The bank gave me a complaint form.I felt I'll,if I had a accident and hit someone's car,we could've lost the house.

The complaint went nowhere.The local branch admitted someone failed,but the head honcho failed to acknowledge it.

The real estate,I complained to the Department of Fair Trading,lost that as well,and I had several things on the b****,as including deception under the supposed ACTS they follow.This contributed greatly to my depression last year.Department of Fair Trading is known to protect Real Estates and have been under scrutiny.

You did the right thing @Sahara,but what I'm saying is it's a world out there,I don't understand as we learn all these "principals" that mean nothing.I suggest you do what @Faith-and-Hope suggest.

Some do get away with it unfortunately.

In response to: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

They might get away with it @Former-Member ...... but I wouldn't want to be living in their skin ..... ☹️

In response to: Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

@Faith-and-Hope,I can't go near that estate agent or her business,I could *** her,major trigger.Im so angry that they have good fortune and I don't,can't talk about it any more.

In response to: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

I can believe it @Former-Member ......

Try to imagine her as a really, really butt-ugly shirt that someone that came and put itself on you ...... unbutton her, take her off, and don't "wear" her ...... take that ugly shirt, in your mind's eye, drop it into one of those old metal rubbish bins with any other rubbish you can find in your life, and burn the lot ......

Sometimes doing a mental exercise like that can help, and that new image can over-write any thoughts of her as they arise ..... like ..... "okay, back into the bin with you ..... !!" each and every time ......

It's a way of refusing you o even give her brain space. She doesn't deserve it, and you don't either .......

♥️♥️♥️

In response to: Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

It doesn't help @Faith_and _Hope,that's been the biggest lesson past few years,as stated,side of life and human behaviour I don't like.

In response to: Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

I can understand @Zoe7, many times I don't enjoy being alive.Not strong enough. Have to go off for a while. @Faith-and-Hope.

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