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Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

SaharaSenior Contributor11 May 2017, 2:23 pm AEST

Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Hi Everyone,

I've been away from Sane for a while, but I wanted to write about a recent upset. I have been feeling very angry and sad and anxious.

I was part of a community group, but I recently resigned, as I found it very unrewarding, time-consuming and frustrating. I had a leadership role. There was one lady in our group who really bothered me and confused me.

This lady resigned from our leadership board because she felt the group "lacked vision" which made her feel "uncomfortable". She made a big show of resigning in front of everyone and I felt very personally criticized by her actions, as I was ultimately in charge of the board.

(Some of you may remember me writing about this a few months back!)

Anyway, so as not to create disharmony in the group, I just accepted her resignation and thanked her. The bad news is that she decided to hang around.... as a regular member of our group. (Nothing I could do about that.) Then, she started turning up to board meetings again! And once or twice she landed on my front doorstep to ask questions.... without so much as a howdy-do! Like, she obviously has no social skills!

I tolerated her, but my anger began to grow.

The thing is, that up until her resigning from the board, I had had her around for tea and scones at my place and welcomed her into my home... we were also planning to run a workshop together.... then, bam, she just hits me with her resignation totally out of the blue!

Why?

Now that I too have left the group, I decided to tell her how I really felt about her inconsistent and confusing behavior. I emailed her and told her that I felt disrespected by her and explained why. I got it all off my chest in an articulate and pithy way. Then I blocked her emails because I am just so angry at her.

My anger seems to come from people who give me very mixed messages. I really feel so flat and drained now... I keep wanting to fall asleep. I'm also pretty anxious- like, what if she turns up at my house again? I know this doesn't sound very serious to most of you, but I have this huge problem telling people how I really feel and once I do tell them, I feel frightened.

Thanks.

274 replies

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In response to: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

SaharaSenior Contributor02 Oct 2017, 11:11 am AEDT

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

@Faith-and-Hope-

So your husband has agreed to go to counselling? This is a good sign.

I think my ex-partner did eventually agree to go to couples counselling but by that time, I had lost a lot of interest in it. It would have been very revealing, I think.

Although if someone truly has no insight (which is not really their fault), then counselling doesn't seem to work well.

In response to: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor02 Oct 2017, 11:19 am AEDT

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Our circumstances have forced him to counselling @Sahara. Our kids are going under and he has no understanding of why, so it must be my fault. He has a hidden eating disorder and something else mi driving that, it seems. He needs help. We all. We'd help. But in our state nobody will listen to you until there is a diagnosis in place. You can't speak up as someone's spouse without the spouse present in the room, no matter how aggressive and delusional they may be.

We need a diagnosis ..... and I have to walk through fire to get it ......

In response to: Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

SaharaSenior Contributor02 Oct 2017, 11:26 am AEDT

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

I am not an expert, @Faith-and-Hope, but I have heard that eating disorders are related to anxiety.

Getting a diagnosis is not easy... many people have said that here on Sane. I am guessing that your husband does not want a diagnosis? That he thinks he is totally fine?

In response to: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor02 Oct 2017, 11:27 am AEDT

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

More than fine @Sahara ..... superior .....

In response to: Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

SaharaSenior Contributor02 Oct 2017, 11:31 am AEDT

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

The superior attitude could be a coping strategy... he might actually feel a bit insecure? Just guessing... of course I would not know!

In response to: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor02 Oct 2017, 11:35 am AEDT

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

"All of the above" @Sahara ..... but I can't touch it ..... he is a real mess under a cloak of respectability that is starting to slip off his shoulders ..... the e.d. is starting to show up physically, and the emotional strain on our household is showing too. His delusional thinking has been frightening and elevates if we try to talk about what is going on.

We need an intervention , and have for some time.

Things are coming to a head.

In response to: Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

SaharaSenior Contributor02 Oct 2017, 11:49 am AEDT

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Yes, and I believe if intervention does not happen soon, you might have another plan too? Somewhere you could go?

In response to: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor02 Oct 2017, 11:50 am AEDT

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

As far as I can within restricted means, I have put a safety plan in place ..... but I do have people I could turn to in a crisis, yes.

💜

In response to: Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

SaharaSenior Contributor02 Oct 2017, 11:54 am AEDT

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

That is a relief to hear @Faith-and-Hope! You always have to have a 'plan B'.

I'm big on planning.

In response to: Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

SaharaSenior Contributor08 Oct 2017, 7:41 am AEDT

Re: Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

How are you doing @Faith-and-Hope? Sorry I am not up with everything that happens on the forums and I haven't been reading many threads.... you are writing elsewhere on the forums, I'm sure.

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