im back..... i think

Hello my beautiful @Shaz51 hope your doing ok. Thnak you for being here with me much appreciated

@Owlunar

im so frightened I cant contain it. Youd think id be use to the shaken feeling all the time but it never seems to get easier
ive got antacids and ill be on those for a week to see if it helps out abit
the stabbing pain has reduced thank god for that but nausea is soo bad it keeps me up of a night and wakes me up as well so that where the antacids are suppose to work but they arent as yet
it could be a very hard few weeks as im starting to wein off my current antidepressents and starting new ones so I have to monitor things carefully as well now
all these diagnoses and pain dont feel like a relief even though I know I should be seeing it differently but I cant help it im so scared

im glad your ok- I know when your not well as your not on the forums. I do think about you constantly whether your on the forums or not. And yes your entitiled to have bad days and anger sometimes. I think thats apart of how we cope.. I think..
the only people I trust is my nurse, my gp which they know anyway and the people on here that is it.
My friends who are bullying me are getting worse as well which isnt helping me either
and yes I feel very ashamed of having it- the only way I couldve got that is form the abuse and now thats going to be another constant reminder of what happened to me. It literally lives inside me now
I cant tell my mother and im glad you understand and that you do care- that to me means a lot in itself

yes its avery scary place esp when my S plans became dreams as well.

Im glad your into the self care. You really need to take care of yourself.

@Anony18

thanks for being here for me and lending me those hands of yours
yes it is absoultly terrifying
yeah im trying not to research as I know it will scare me even more as often when people write on the internet its about negative experiences not positive ones. Im trying not to worry but fear has completley taken over me. I cant shake it off at all. 6 months has already gone fast already so im hoping it will go quickly
my gut instincts are telling me to get another exam done in 3 months as im soo paranoid but ill ask my nurse if she thinks it is necessary- also a form of exposure therapy so could help in the furture as well

@Phoenix_Rising
thank you for your support and your advice as well it means a lot to me
I cant express how terrified I am. I know thats what the tests are there for- to detect abnormaities- but it still scary stuff esp when I dont have many oustide supports and the only people are trust are 'strangers' to me off the forum
im going to see about getting the test done again in 3 months time as horrible as it is for me but its kind like exposure therapy as well
it was scary as hell getting it done but as you said Im hopinh ive caught it early enough that I can treat whatever it is that needs to be done or that it goes away itself

@Former-Member
thank you for reading and also sticking it out with me youve been a bif help over the past few days honsetly
its the fear whether its going to get worse and the wait leading up to that. Its super scary. I cant reduce the stress my fear has completely overtaken me and I cant wait for the morning. I need my nurses opinion too. I trust her even more than my gp.

@Faith-and-Hope

I know its not great- its really got me freaking out. I know I cant do anything right now but its the fear. The fear of the unkown, the wait, everything. The SA now really does live inside of me and not just affecting my mental health. Its now inside me. thank you for your support you, youve been great!

@outlander - have caught up with the events in your day and your test results. Just to add my experience - I had a Pap smear once that detected abnormal cells. Was told to have them every year instead of every two years but each time the results came back, they weren't concerned and after a while, the tests went back to two year intervals.

I think they like to err on the side of caution just in case. Like others have said, this need not be too much to worry about. Perhaps you are overthinking things. It will be okay.

The Dalai Lama had a very wise thing to say about worrying:-

"If a problem can be solved there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."

Easier said than done but he is a pretty cool dude all the same.

@Former-Member its friggin terrifying

i cant control my fear i seriously cant

i know if it was urgent they would have treatment going now but my health anxiety isnt helping the matter either

and if it gets worse theres a chance ill have to let out i was SA and i need treatment. i cant do that. i wont do that until i need a surgury and even then itll be pushing it really pushing it

oh done you worry Nooks im sure your hand will losse circulation!

you guys on here are the only ones i can tell about anything

im scared and anxious about it now

im seeing my nurse tomorrow but i cant even think of questions to ask can you? its really jsut scaring the heck out of me

hmm the fact that @Anony18 likes her drawing and also the support from you guys on here no matter how much im panicking its good to know people on here actually get me and understand me

no @Former-Member it wasnt explained to me

it was literally you have this adn you need another pap smear in another 6 months thats it

I do understand @outlander - sometimes I think fear makes fear and pain makes pain - a cough makes the cough worse - but mostly

The situation is such that it can become unbearable and right now you have been through the mill in the last two/week weeks - since that problem with your breast - which was horrible

Add it all together and you are thoroughly rattled - and I do know -

I have had two operations on my left shoulder - and the next thing will be a shoulder reconstruction - and apparently these are really well done now because footballers are always knocking their joints around - but when I get pains in my shoulders - and both of them are damaged - I have this sick feeling in my stomach and my shoulders scare me and if anyone tries to help me by taking my arm I freak out - and I am tall and pretty strong of an old owl -

But still - I know the deep-seated fear I think you are feeling - and all the trips and appointments and tests - like - WHAT'S NEXT??????????

It's easy to understand - or for me to understand anyway

The people who are bullying you are not your friends - they are people who are in your life because they live between you and the bus or are in your class or wherever - they are cruel and do not deserve your friendship -- no - not unless they clean up their act

I don't understand that kind of behaviour actually

And yes - I seem to understand whatever you say - I have been through the mill - there are things that have happened to you that haven't happened to me - but my mother was physically and emotionally abusive so yes - I know

My mother told me her cousins used to tease her - and it seems she had a really rotten childhood - but still - that might be a reason - it is not an excuse

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a nice, kind mother - but then - I have a daughter whom I love and a grand-daughter

Hold on tight - I do have to go to bed soon - I am starting to fall asleep on the computer]

Dec

im hoping thats whats going to happen to me too @soul it makes me nervous to think it need more treatment and possible surgury. that is super scary to me

i quite like that quote but im still super freightened- beyond belief and i cant seem to settle it.

i do have health anxiety and severe gad which will be contributing alot to all this as well