Safety

@Eden1919I feel incredily low tonight, and constantly on the edge of tears. My DBT facilitator rang me this afternoon to ask why I wasn't at group this morning. While I appreciated the call, I still felt like I was a box to be checked off, but she did say the group missed my presence. I have always struggled with feeling like I belong anywhere, so to hear the group missed my presence was nice. I am barely hanging on, for what I don't know. Living just feels agonising right now when there doesn't seem to any reason to live. My body is responding to my low mood by filling me with pain and discomfort.

How are you doing this evening? Are you feeling ok or not? How are your pets?

@Zoe7 nice to hear from you I hope you get some sleep.

@Sans911 I am sorry you are feeling so low tonight that must feel awful.

I am not doing so well but trying to keep distracted I am going to try writing in my journal for a bit and see of that helps. my pets are good.

Hi @Eden1919, it's been a while since we chatted. Though things are still tough, it's good to see that you're being proactive with managing how you're feeling.

@Sans911, Are you ok? I'm going to drop you an email. Please get back to me when you can.

the journaling didnt work

I am feeling weird today I wamt to scream I always want to scream I feel very restless and kind of buzzed but also i feel like i am about to yell at everyone it is really weird.

@Eden1919Hey hun, I'm here if you want to talk, or yell in caps, at me. Do you know if there is something in particular that has made you irritated today?

Hi @Sans911 thanks I am just really all over the place and feel really weird but kind of a good weird but like idk cause i should be tired as hell cause i didnt get to bed until 6am I just feel weird but like irritable kind of I am trying to just listen to music to chill but idk it is weird.

@Sans911 thanks I tried napping but i cant like my brain wont shut off myabe later idk it is difficult. I dont feel tired I just feel weird. I am listneing to all sorts of stuff. how are you going?

@Eden1919Well just take it easy today then. Is the music helping you?

I am really flat today. Going back to that place of numbness, where everything is shutting down so I don't have to feel anymore. Problem is, my mother arrives home in 2 days from her trip overseas. It's the first time she has travelled overseas alone, and I know she will be super-excited to tell me all about her trip on Monday. I am happy and proud of her, but I always have to put on this super happy, excitable face for her, and I am always glad that she goes home. Then I feel like such a shit for thinking bad things about her, like she only cares really about herself, and has pretty much not an inkling of half the stuff I have been and am continuing to go thorugh. So I'm always pretending things are peachy keen, but in reality I want to scream at her some days so that she will care about me and listen. I just have to accept this is all I will ever get from her. And I know she does care, in her own weird way. But not the way I want things to be.