Safety

@Eden1919Are you still around, and more importantly, are you safe? Please just give me a yes or no, as I am worried about you?

@Sans911 Are you still around? Don't be worried - @Eden1919 has probably had a shower and is asleep now - this is a usual night time pattern - we have spent many nights together and we both 'disappear' when tired. Are you ok?

@Sans911 Sorry I worried you! I am ok i hope you are too. I am about 5 months in and i have a month left of my course I am doing it privately which is very expensive but it is a faster course. than yours seems to be I agree it is very hard to know what helps get you through sometimes. I say my psycologist and caseworker yesterday it went ok but I am worried my case worker is soon going to find some things out about me that i am hiding from her. i know that probably makes no sense but it is too long to explain on here right now. but overall it helped a bit i guess. i am sorry your support runs out soon that mmust be hard do you have the money to go private? if yes it is something i would consider as it can be more stable than public health care options.

@Zoe7 how are you going?

Hi @Eden1919 Pleased to hear that your appointments went ok yesterday. Try not to worry too much about what your case worker does and does not know or what they may find out - you were worried about having to go to hospital and that hasn't happened as yet so that is a win for you already.

I see my GP in a few hours - just holding on until then. I know what she is going to say when I tell her what has been going on - but I also know she will do everything she can to keep me out of hospitsl because she knows how scared I am of hospitals (reasons I won't/can't go into on here). I am going to need to write a lot of it down as I have nearly completely lost my voice - so that is going to be extra hard. Usually I can write more than I can talk about things but I am really struggling to even do that at the moment. I tried to write some this morning when I couldn't sleep but it added to how bad I was feeling so I stopped. This afternoon is going to be really hard and I am quite worried about what will happen - so if you don't hear from me tonight you will know that it probably has not gone well for me this afternoon. I hope she will be able to help without hospital being on the table but I am really worried this time that she will go back on her word and I won't have a choice - this is all adding to my anxiety today. I need to at least have a shower soon but even that seems too hard. I really am a mess!!!

@Eden1919I realise you had probably gone off to bed. I have no idea what time zone you are in so I completely understand. I hardly slept last night- can't really say why but probably lots of rumination going on about the impending loss of my therapist. I didn't even go to my DBT skills group today, which I have never done. I just want to be wilful today, and I don't care if that is not a healthy behaviour. I have just spoken to my local community mental health team, as I am trying to work out what to do next in terms of emotional support. One part of me wants support, the other part of me says stuff it, I couldn't care less about getting better, because nothing has any meaning for me right now. My financial situation is in an absolute mess right now, so I don't have a choice but to stay in the public system. Besides, my local mental health don't want me to mix public and private as it gets too confusing to me, and there is a lack of transperency and communication between the two sectors.

I wouldn't worry about what your case manager thinks either. Most professionals are fairly perceptive and often know about you than you realise, but if she is good, she won't push to disclose unless you are comfortable or ready.

I actually wouldn't want to leave my DBT group anyway as we are a fairly stable group, and we have known each other for some months. So we are getting to know and trust each other and sharing our vulnerabilities when it comes to practicing skills and homework.

@Zoe7I did realise Eden1919 had probably gone to bed. As I said in the previous post, you are both possibly in different time zones to me.I see you posted that you have to see your GP today, so I just wanted to wish you the best, and I hope you get the outcome you want. I have a very good GP, and with her and my mental health management plan, we have decided that I will only go to hospital if the risk of suicide is so great that I can no longer control my urges, and I am about to act on them, or if I have made an attempt. After my last admission about 2months ago for the first time as an involutary patient, I have managed to stay out of hospital. It was a totally humilating, degrading and traumatic experience that I never want to repeat (as were many of my other admissions). I haven't always managed to stay safe from SH from that point, and although it's not ideal, I can SH without tipping myself over the edge.So I understand the fear of hospitals, and I hope you can keep yourself safe without the need to go there.

@Eden1919@Zoe7Stay safe laides, try to stay well, and self care if you can. I'm laying low, and staying in bed for now. I have very little energy, but I will try to go for a shower soon, and tidy my kitchen up. I am thinking of you both, and I appreciate the kindness and support to have shown to a newbie, and a stranger at that.

Hello @Sans911, @Eden1919, @Zoe7, thinking of you all

hope you are ok @Sans911 , is you ever want to chat , we are here for you

@Zoe7 I hope you can stay out of hospital and let me know how your appointment goes if you can.

@Sans911 I can understand the feeling hopeless that is hard but i am glad you like your DBT group. how are you going now?

Hi @Eden1919 Just a quick drop in to let you know I am not in hospitsl but will fill you in on my appointment later when I can. I am exhausted and need to try and sleep