Safety

I'm probably not any good to you tonight @Eden1919 but I did want you to know I am thinking of you buddy

@Sans911 I also wanted to welcome you to the forum. You will find many, many people here struggling with similar issues and experiences. It is an amazingly wonderful, compassionate and understanding community. If you have any questions - just ask - there will always be someone around to help out.

Zoe

@Zoe7 thats ok you do what you need to do to get through tonight. I am thinking of you too.

@Eden1919That sounds like a good plan to me, because if I hold myself accountable to someone else, I am less likely to do anything self-destructive. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, as well as severe depression and anxiety. With my personality disorder, my emotions are flicked on and off like a switch; I am very easily triggered. I've been seeing a really good suicide support worker, but due to good old government funding, she can no longer see me. I knew this was coming, just not as soon as it is. I have huge issues with trust, so the thought of seeing yet another therapist is almost too much to bear. I do DBT therapy-supposed to help regulate my emotions and provide me with tools to cope with the ups and downs of life. But to be honest, I am so over all this shit. Going to therapists, spilling my story, feeling like a wreck all the time. In the last 2 years, I really don't feel I am getting better emotionally. I feel worse, lacking all hope of a better future, a future I can't even imagine right now. You know, life wasn't all peachy keen before, but at least it was good in that I had a respectful job, I travelled, I kept a roof over my head, and I generally wasn't struggling financially. That has all gone now, and my financial struggles are almost insurmountable. I think so often it would be easier to give up the fight. End the suffering I am going though. I should stop rambling. I just wanted you to know it's a difficult life sometimes isn't it? What gives you the strength to hang on? I know you have pets, a cat and a dog right?

I'll definitely be up for a while tonight - probably all night again - so tag me if you need some company and I can at least sit with you @Eden1919

...it does seem like you have some good company though in @Sans911

@Zoe7 thanks

@Sans911 i have BPD too and a few other things so i can totally understand where you are coming from with that I am also doing DBT. I am sorry about your support worker that must be really hard. I have a bunny and a dog. as for what keeps me going I am not 100% sure I would like to say family and friends and all that stuff but I cant say that is always the reason. I think part of it to be honest is the fear that I wont succeed in ending it all and that my attempt would leave me physically disabled. that often scares me enough to stop me for a moment. but it is hard to explain it is not just one thing it is a combination of things that keep me going. being on here is good too it makes you feel not so alone.

@Eden1919

'Being on here is good too it makes you feel not so alone" - thank goodness for that - I haven't wasted all my nights chatting to you

@Zoe7 lol no you havent wasted your time.

Yea - my job here is done then lol @Eden1919

@Eden1919How far along are you in DBT? Ive done about 6months. In my area, they have now done away with funding for the 1:1 support, so after DBT finishes in another 6 months,there is nothing else. Do you practice your skills, especially now, or do you find they don't help? I wish I could say that I want to live for my family and friends, but I feel such a burden to them that I feel they would be better off without me. Like you, one thing that keeps me safe too, is the thought of disabilty. It possibly helps that I work in healthcare as I know what some of the outcomes may be, although that hasn't always stopped me as I am also quite knowledge about what is effective. Obviously not knowledgable enough, because I have failed on several occasions. The other thing that helps keep me safe is if I can help others to cope with what they are going through, then perhaps that is what my purpose is for now. Yes, I agree, its a combination of things, and not always the same thing at one time. Did you see your psychologist today or yesterday? Did it go okay? So you have a dog and rabbit; interesting combination? What sort of dog do you have? And the dog gets on with the rabbit?