Safety

@Zoe7 I have only had 3 hours sleep between the last 2 days I am weirdly angry all the time I am super stressed and anxious and agitated and I cant stop thinking about hurting myself and I keep ruining everything and I want to scream and there is just so much in my head and i am still really paranoid and I cant keep doing this i really cant

@Eden1919 you are definitely over-tired and that leads to being both emotionally and physically vulnerable to negative thoughts and feeling. I get this - it is exactly how I feel when I have not have enough sleep (or any sleep). We need sleep to rejuvenage both our bodies and mind. This will be adding to your paranoia, stress and anxiety. You are not able to cope with these things when you have not slept as you don't have the strength to deal with it. Knowing this and being able to resolve it are two different things however. Until you can achieve some long and restful sleep - these thoughts and feelings will continue and may even increase. This is a really horrible place to be. If you are anything like me - the more you try the harder it becomes, the more frustrated you get and then anger at the situation you are in increases. I have no real answers for you here as I don't have any for myself. All I can say is take it minute by minute and try not to think about not sleeping and you will most likely find when you stop letting this anger and frustration consume you that you will be able to sleep.

Here with you Eden...

Zoe

@Zoe7 Thanks.

I just feel really all over the place like i cant stop I cant explain it I just really dont know what to do anymore. I am really scared too.

I get it @Eden1919 The more tired you are the more thoughts swirl around in your head - and you do not have the strength to make sense of it all. You can't think straight and that adds to your confusion and agitation - and the more agitated you become the more thoughts you have jumbled around in your head. You do get scared - and not just feeling emotionally afraid but physically in danger also. This is what exhaustion from lack of sleep does - I am in this kind of situation at least once a week. I know everytime I will get through it and become a little more grounded when I get some long, quality sleep - but in the moment it is unbearable and I do not cope. This is the time to make yourself as safe as you can and keep talking here for a little distraction - the forum as a distraction for me is what usually gets me through.

I am here with you buddy - minute by minute - that is all you need to do for now

Zoe

I feel lost and really paranoid and I am struggling I am scared to tell my caseworker something too.

What are you scared to tell your caseworker @Eden1919?

@Zoe7 my true feelings if they know I am scared they will want me to go to the hospital the last time i even mentioned some of them they brought up hospital and i cant risk that right now.

Why is hospital out of the question @Eden1919? I ask this question knowing that hospital is not an option for me either but that is because of my fears around hospitsl and that it is one of my triggers - so even the thought of it sends me into a panic. Does your concern about hospitsl have anything to do with your dad?

It is out of the question because I have to finish DBT and becuse everyone would be mad at me because it would be an inconveniance and also hospital makes things worse and there are a lot of reasons I just dont know how to explain things.

That's ok @Eden1919 You don't need to explain anything - I find it really hard most times to actually explain exactly how I feel and certainly can't explain my feelings around hospital. What else can you focus on tonight instead?