Safety

Would going to hospital be a bad thing? @Eden1919

In saying this I should let you know that I have refused to go to hospital previously but I have full trust in my GP and she has been amazing - so we have been able to avoid that through her ongoing support.

How will the medicines hurt you - be specific here - it will help us both identify exactly what your fears are around meds.

Yes Eden - this is all so confusing and frustrating for you and when you are in this mindset it is really hard to get any perspective at all - so keep talking and we will see what we can sort out for you.

Zoe

going to hospital would ruin everything because i have to go to DBT and also they would hurt me there. the medicine will hurt me because it is literally poison and it will stop me from being able to connect psychicly to things which i need to be able to do so that i can spot satan.

Okay @Eden1919 I get it

Would it be such a bad thing to not being able to spot satan - would this maybe alleviate some of your fears around being constantly watched also. Sometimes what we can't see or don't know is actually of benefit for us so our minds aren't so confused!

but i need to be able to see him coming or he will take my soul.

Maybe as he hasn't done this yet there are stronger forces looking out for you - behind the scenes - keeping you safe @Eden1919 This is huge to expect but can you trust that this is possible?

maybe i dont know i want to cry i dont know what to do i am a mess and i have ruined everything the docters are going to hurt me

Crying is ok @Eden1919 it helps to relieve some of the tension. You have not ruined anything buddy - you are just stuck in a whirlpool of mistrust and fear - that is not a place anyone wants to be in. Even though you believe that the doctors are going to hurt you there are a lot of people around them that will also be looking out for you and that makes them accountable for what they do and do not do. Trust is the hardest thing to gain and the easiest to lose but you do need to start somewhere - trust that the intention of the doctors is to help you and work on trusting that they will do what is right for you and keep you safe. This will not be easy and it will take baby steps but I am sure that you can take these steps.

i am just so scared i dont know how to trust them when what is happening is happening. i dont know if i can.

Both fear and mistrust are two very powerful things that hold us back from moving forward @Eden1919

It is ok to not know if you can trust - and the anxiety alone around putting yourself in this situation would be extreme - but the result if trust is gained would be enormous Eden.

Sometimes it is being so scared that we feel we cannot breathe when the greatest benefits are experienced - why? - because if we have very low, or no expectations then any positive outcome is a win!

i guess i just cant risk them hurting me right now.