Safety

@Sans911 I just cant those people i think you are talking about dont want to help me they are going to hurt me and they will only make things worse. and i just i cant and G and S wont let me and they are already super mad at me and i just need to listen to them more then i wouldnt keep screwing things up and i could fix things i dont know how to explain it. i just i am really stressed.

@Eden1919 I have now been through this with you - walked alongside you, sat with you, listened to you and heard what you have had to say for many weeks. I have also had to 'watch' from afar over the last few days as I have struggled with my own wellbeing. The one constant has been your fear of others hurting you. What you have not seen - which I (and I suspect others) have seen is that the person most hurting you at the moment is you yourself. You can rise above those 'voices' and the conflicting messages they are sending you as I have seen you do it over and over again. The strength to fight for YOURSELF is in you - the courage to perservere and come out 'the other side' with more peace of mind is within you. You need to start believing that it is possible - you do not need to see all the resolutions - just a belief that things can change. As low and as hopeless as I have been feeling - I stilll hold on to a tiny speck of belief that change is possible - that is all you need.

Along this journey you have been so concerned about what would happen if others "know stuff" and not wanting to attend appointments in case 'they' find out - but you continue to go to your appointments and that shows me that you do infact want to keep going and there is a small glimmer of hope.

I understand that some times it is simply about feeling that you are being heard and cared for - and we are hearing you and we do care for you.

In all honesty - I do not think things can get much worse. You are in a constant state of distress and no-one (especially me) wants that for you. So Eden, my buddy, please let us know how we can support and encourage you both here and to get the extra external help that you need.

Strength, courage, belief...

Zoe

@Zoe7 I just i cant they wont let me go and it is all my fault because if i could just manage to do what they tell me too then i wouldnt be in this mess. i would have fixed things already. and i cant just ignore them because S and G they can do things like magical things in this world and they can hurt me and people around me and i my appointments i can only go to them becuase i make deals with G and S plus S wants me to go to them because if i slip up and tell then it benifists S and hurts G and it is really complicated and what i need is to suck it up and just do what G and S tell me too it is the only option. the dotors and stuff will hurt me and i tried to do what they asked yesterday but i failed again and now they are mad and um i just need you guys to listen so i can vent if i need to or sort through stuff in my head. i dont need doctors i am not sick i am just i have to fix things and i need to ugh i cant explain it i the doctors will hurt me anyway i cant my head is all muddled i am sorry i just need someone to listen that is all.

You have just taken a big step even if you don't realise it @Eden1919 - you have openly stated what you need - and that is to be listened to. So if it does help you to write here and try and sort out your thoughts then that is what you need to do - and we will listen.

Zoe

I just dont know what to do i am reallly agitated and everything inside me is screaming at me and there is too much noise and i just i cant take this

I am 'reading between the lines' here @Eden1919 - correct me if I am totally off the mark!

What you are saying is that your thoughts are all over the place and you are so agitated that you cannot calm down enough to make any sense of the 'muddle' in your head. 'I can't take this' is your way of asling for help, to be listened to , for someone to 'sit' with you while you try to calm down and work it out for yourself. Is that close or completely off the mark buddy?

@Zoe7 that is very close

ok @Eden1919 so you write and we listen (read) and sit by your side and encourage you to keep talking

hello @Eden1919