I'm a mess

Do you participate in any music ... sing in the shower ... or with a group.

Thats the best way I have of gentling my mind.

@Eden1919

Sometimes when I feel really bad like you it helps to watch movies or tv that depicts people in a worse state (ie makes you realise that their is someone worse off than you out there) also if I cant settle with relaxing music sometimes playing angry dark music can help me get it out of my system like, rage against the machine or lately I hvae been listening a lot to Divinyls the track "elsie" its very miserable and dark and I wonder if its about someone with BPD or some sort of MI but sometimes when you feel like shit listening to something that is angry and dark can tire you out enough to calm the mind.

Does it help being around people but not necessarily interacting? Sometimes if I needed time out but I felt scared and alone I would go the shops and just have a coffee bymyself or even going to the movies. You have to distract that mind and try your very best not to indulge it. Even if you feel like shit saying things to yourself outloud constantly like " I will get through this - I have every other time so I know I will now" when you say things outloud it helps cement it in your brain. Our brains (MI) seem to love bad self talk which just makes things worse.

Dont give up just keep going and day by day it gets better and get what rest you need. I find I function so much better on good sleep and often when you are in this state sleep is hard.

Everyone is here with you and thinking of you. I have to go for a while now - I often need breaks from the forum as I get too wrapped up with others and forget to look after myself as well.

BIG HUGS!! remember we do care

Hi @Eden1919,

It sounds like you are super struggling right now. It sounds like you have tried lots of things to help yourself feel better and none of them are working at the moment. When I get super stuck and nothing is working, I lie on the floor or in my bed and focus on being. That is, I let the thoughts run through my brain and I let the waves of giant feelings wash over me. I know they are only thoughts and feelings and even though they super hurt, they will pass. I think there are times to work at challenging negative thoughts and there are times to simply let them drift through your head without fighting them. If I feel like screaming, I will scream into my pillow. If I feel like crying, I cry. Those things are totally ok to do.

Like you, I have had many negative experiences with helplines such as lifeline and the suicide callback service and thus I don't call them anymore. Also like you, I have had negative experiences with mental health professionals. If your psychiatrist isn't helping, sack him or her. I've never found a useful psychiatrist and only found my current psychologist after eight awful experiences in the space of twelve months.

I need to jump off the forums for the day now. I super hope the thoughts and feelings pass soon.

@Eden1919

Just keep saying to yourself " I WILL GET THROUGH THIS LIKE EVERY OTHER TIME" and remember how courageous you actually are. What we go through and what becomes our everyday life needs load and loads of courage and strength to keep going. In my DBT classes we were told that BPD are one of the most courageous lot of people around as our feelings are so extreme but yet we endure what others would not have a chance at enduring. I know I think to myself " how the hell am I still here after everything I have gone through" the times when suicide would consume my thoughts constantly and I thought I will never be able to shake it and look sometime it creeps back in and I have to be super vigilant that I dont indulge or entertain those thoughts otherwise I start sliding back down.

Also I believe one of the moderators mentioned some techniques that really work. Once I was freaking out about something and having a melt down, I was at the shops and got absolutely drenched, I was freezing and I was cold but you know what it made the feeling dull down a bit, after that experience I realised this was the same thing as DBT taught me so I tried the ice cube thing and it does help, the ice cube burns your hands and you get that pain that helps settle the other pain but without inflicting any injury. Plus then do some breathing excercises this really does help too and I do this now if I start to get anxious or panic attacks. Just take a long breath in and say to yourself " in with the good" then breathe out slowly and say " out with the bad" and do this slowly 5 times and it should calm you do a bit.

A suggestion, when you post next time even if you are thinking it or feeling it dont post " I cant do this anymore, I cant cope" next time try saying " I'm a mess now and I have been here before so I know this will eventually pass but at the moment I am hurting" You basically have to play mind games with yourself to trick your brain into thinking correctly and forming those habits. I'm sorry I know this is not easy but what you need to know is that only you can take the actions to calm yourself - its all up to us to carry out the advice we are given. Believe me I wish we could just take a pill and it would go away but that isnt reality, the fact is that we have to work everyday at this but you will get there. I was where you are now about 12 months ago, I thought it would never get better but it has with tweeking of meds and working hard at it. Believe me at first doing the right thing will seem like the wrong thing your brain will resist thats why you need to keep going.

To help you feel a bit incontrol why dont you work out a bit of a plan so if you do " snap" you know what to do next, write it down so you wont forget - even if just means going to see a friend or someone - if not something else you can to make you feel safe.

Hi @Eden1919,

I have never experienced a fear that someone is spying on me so I'm not going to pretend that I can truly understand what you are going through. However, I know what it is like to be horribly afraid and so I am really feeling for you because I know how awful it is to be afraid.

Have you had this fear of someone spying on you in the past or is this something new for you?