I'm a mess

@Eden1919, I hope you feel a bit better as the day goes on and that you get the chance to talk in depth about what you are going through with your psychologist, as soon as possible. I now need to go out. Remember to call Lifeline or 000 if things become intolerable. Sending you very best wishes.

Hi @Eden1919

I'm sorry your are feeling so low, it really sucks. Please dont say "I'm cursed" you are not - I used to say and think that all time but all it has done was lower my self worth. I'm 50 and I have had BPD since I was a teenage but not diagnosed till about 6 years ago. Things were a lot worse for me and only started moving forward for the first time in the last 6 months. Its a long journey but you have to just keep moving forward, sometimes you will take a step backwards but thats ok.

I know what you mean about lifeline, I don't think I have had one successful call and have just given up on them now. It sounds like your pyschiatrist is not very caring and you need to change.

You mention "having alot of eating issues" is there something you can do about the eating issues? I just find if you can grab onto one thing that you have control over it helps to gain a more positive state of mind.

Last time you had issues of people being outside, I gather this is all sorted out so is the paranoia as bad as it was? If not well thats one step forward. Give yourself baby baby goals and then reward yourself for it afterwards to show you can control something.

NO ONE IS PUT HERE TO SUFFER! but unfortunately I know what you mean, for a very long time everything was just going from bad to worse and felt like everyone and everything was against me. I thought this all the time, why am I here my life is just so miserable and it never gets better, maybe I'm not meant to be happy"". Well slowly it does get better and better as you find ways to change certain thinking behaviour. I really feel for you as I know what a dark place you are in and you just need a guiding hand to lift you up. Big hugs @Eden1919 you will get through this!

Hi @Eden1919,

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling. It seems like this has been going on for a while now. What's kept you going up until me? It may not feel like it right now, but you do have some skills to cope.

We've spoken elsewhere about alternatives to SH such as using ice cubes, or a rubber band flicked against your wrist, or a cold bath. Could any of these help right now?

It's really concerning to hear phrases like you can't take this. I know that you mentioned that Lifeline was unhelpful, but if things get too much, it's really important that you reach out for help. Perhaps get in contact with your local hospital, who can put into contact with psychiatric triage. Or you can just call 000.

As @Mazarita mentioned, we're not set up as a crisis support service, but it's really important that you get support from the appropriate services if things escalate.

Hi there @Eden1919

How are thing's going today? You mentioned some really big feelings yesterday and that you weren't coping very well with them, it's good that you are reaching out and looking at other ways to cope with all of this, the most you can do is try different things for now.

I would suggest just trying to call a helpline, it might help or it might not, you just don't know, but perhaps just try and see how it goes? Sitting with your dog is good, what other things have you tried and felt like they were too much?

Lunar