Overseas move gone wrong?

@Engineer, I'm here, awoke just before in the middle of the night. I think it's probably time for your decision right about now. Looking forward to hearing your news when you post again. Thai massage is a great idea to help relieve the stress and anxiety. Sending very best wishes.

hello @Engineer

I have read your original post and responses.

I am just wondering if anyone has ever taught you diaphragm breathing. As simple as that might sound it works miracles for extreme anxiety. Is very easy to do. In fact when we sleep our body does it naturally.

You were very keen to go, organised yourself, sold up, arrived.

what happened to change the excitement to anxiety? No need to respond if dont want to.

You mentioned that your exercise dropped off and then lethargy, not sleeping properly, depression.

These are all symptoms I have experienced at various stages in my life.

I currently have chronic, clinical depression and anxiety.

Forcing myself outside to walk turns everything around emotion wise for me.

when i stop exercise domino effect of the above

What i am thinking is - be honest with your employer - take off as mch time as they will give - negotiable obviously they need to look after their interests.

ask them for some assistance with conversational language learning - should not have to be a cost for you. learn the basics enough to get by

so 1 sort out diaphram breathing

2 start walking

3 gp? get check up

4 watch diet, spicy foods, caffeine

5 keep off all electronic devices in evening- get as much sleep as possible- aids in recovery from depression

6 how are those language lessons? practice talking to locals. neighbours said will help

check in how are you feeling now?

basically break it all down into small steps, when successful next step

if at end of timeframe allowed by employer no change, then leave. you have back up plan

i just think that moving forward by being honest with your employer whatever the outcome you will not have guilt or low esteem trips in the future. they might be willing to give you a reference because of your honesty.

move back with mum, have some quality time with mum - same steps as above, except language

at least you will have tried, given it your best shot.

good luck

Sorry everyone. I have deleted half of this post several times. There is so much I could write here but at the end of the day its all has been said over and over and over - to family, to other expats, to counsellors, to work colleagues, etc for 3 months.

I STILL didn't quit. I talked about it in non comittal terms but didn't stick a concrete outcome.

My boss made a few comments that I won't share here.

This morning I woke up feeling like a total complete idiot. The path I am on is totally completely unsustainable.

By the afternoon the anxiety was back and by the time I got to apartment I was back in the same cycle of hyperventilating and being giddy, I am sitting here alone on a single chair in an empty 8 m by 6 m room wondering how the hell did I let my life end up like this?

Appointment with HR Manager at 1 pm tomorrow to talk about it AGAIN and based on my past history - I will still leave myself in this horrendous state.

I am beyond breaking point tonight.

Suicide support line not manned here.

My neighbors are not available. No expats I can call. My family are all asleep.

Australian support websites all down (SANE) as its middle of the night there or completely geoblocked to me ILifelife, beyondblue, menshealthline).

I am going to lie here and wait for this to pass as my only safe option available.

@Engineer keep holding on mate - waiting for it to pass, because it can and will pass.

It sounds like you already know that you need to quit for your own safety - why not write it down on a piece of paper and pass that to HR as soon as you see them? "I need quit for my health and safety but am having trouble, can you please help me to do so?" in whatever language. That way you don't need to verbally say it. You can write down whatever you need them to know, whatever you need them to help with.

Good luck for tomorrow.

It is Marchhare here, one of the forum moderators. I can understand your anxiety at the moment especillay as you have no supports at the moment. Lying and waiting for your anxiey to pass sounds like a good idea. Remember you have a lot of support here on the forum and others will rally round. Perhaps try and concentrate on some relaxation breathing techniques for you..

Thanks @marchhare

The local suicide line came back available for 10 minutes.

And then my family are awake now. I am talking to them. I will get through until tomorrow.