Overseas move gone wrong?

Update.

Almost 2 weeks have past and going back and reading my earlier posts not much has changed.

I am still am having periods of uncontrolled crying and calling Suicide support lines.

I am still not finding the strength to resign. Still setting arbitary deadlines, getting stressed about them, and then not following through, I have written out all the options about returning to my home town and its not looking at all appealing.

I am still been horrified at job prospects back in Australia with only options looking like going back 10-15 years in experience and a 40% pay cut from my previous work. Applied for 4 jobs in Australia remotely. And even those recruiters won't probably want to rely on a phone interview or Skype if I am still over here.

I am still relying heavily on distraction activity with indoor rock climbing, indoor sky diving, running, walking, and an odd boot camp actitity all being trialled. Still coming back to an empty isolated apartment every day.

I am still not doing anything substantial to make my life here any easier. Not buying any furniture, whitegoods, or electrical items. Therefore still have no TV or Radio and just relying on the Internet at night.

Now seeing psychological support here and on a different anti depressant I have never tried before. I thought in the first week the anxiety subsided but it depends on the day and situation. Language is an ongoing problem and support options in Australia look a lot easier.

So effectively I haven't moved a millimetre in 2 weeks .... or the last 4 months .... but no one can help me if I won't make a choice and act upon it.

hello @Engineer

You have been through a whole range of emotions understandably. You mentioned that you had experienced depression and anxiety before. Therefore understand how external circumstances exacerbate symptoms.

Your comment "So effectively I haven't moved a millimetre in 2 weeks .... or the last 4 months .... but no one can help me if I won't make a choice and act upon it."

When deep in depression and anxiety it is very hard for us to recognise, acknowledge just how much we are doing for ourselves.

Indoor rock climbing etc etc. My goodness that effort is mammoth.

When I am deeply affected just getting out for a walk or trip to the shops takes all of my energy and push to achieve.

You are seeing a psychologist which is good. Who is monitoring your medication?

These people obviously speak some english for you to understand. Are they able to point you in the direction of perhaps night classes to learn the conversational side of the language. Great opportunity for your communication but also a further distraction for you, an interest. internet conversation courses?

New medication takes a while to begin working let alone benefit from the full effect.

All of the above probably sounds futile. I can imagine you thinking that I have not a clue how you are feeling. I dont. However I do know how it feels to be isolated as I have done this to myself on many an occasion.

Do you like anything about your new job? Would you like it better if you spoke the language?

Have you tried giving yourself a timeframe to make the decision stay, leave?

A journal with the slightest positive experience. A smile from someone. Rush of adrenaline from physical activity.

Have you done the tourist thing? tourist guide speaks english? tourists speak english?

just ideas to fill in moments not cures.

For the overall feelings to lift, improve, yes it does take time. As with anything in life look at the improvements a day at a time. There will be some that are easy to miss when feeling overwhelmed.

When that deadline arrives make your decision. Finally ask yourself, will you be just as depressed and anxious back in Australia? Do you like living in a foreign country apart from language barrier?

Hi @Engineer, really glad to hear you are talking with your family and others that might help you with your decision. Wondering what family especially have to say to you, as they know you better than anyone, I imagine. As @Former-Member said, what you have been getting up to in order to keep yourself active is really energetic and motivated. Keep it up, that is definitely likely to help in the long run I think. All of @Former-Member's other suggestions for distraction are great too. It's obvious the decision needs to be made but that doesn't mean you have to sit there pondering it the whole time. Taking time out from thinking about things is really important too. Gives us a fresh perspective when we come back to it again. I really hope the medication kicks in to help you very soon. Very best wishes to you.

Hi @Former-Member

Dutch is a mammoth mountain to climb and I know nothing will change if I don't take a first step. I have invested more than 67 days at 1.5 hours a day learning basics on lessons on my phone.

In terms of formal training ....

Basic Dutch so I can say my name, and order a coffee at a shop requires 30 hours of training.

Technical Dutch so I can have a meeting about Engineering problems requires about 200 hours of training..

Fluent Dutch so I could talk to anyone on the street about any topic requires about 400 hours of training or 2 years.

In terms of timeframe .... I have past every decision point deadline to date and still havent acted.

In terms of tourist thing ...... I have been out exploring every nearby town each weekend ... avoiding staying at apartment.

The big risk for me if the depression and anxiety WILL NOT lift in Australia but will get WORSE, As I will have 24 hours a day 7 days a week to think about potential long term unemployment and the mess I have made of my life over the last 3 1/2 years. Also I will be back my home town where I have lived for 30 years and I have explored ev

Hi @Mazarita I have talked endlessly with my family and they partially understand how hard this decision is and know the uncertainty of Australia is doing my head in,

In terms of pondering the decision - its all consuming for me - I cannot stop thinking about it day and night and its driving me totally crazy. I never get a fresh perspective and I just keep going round and round and round the same annoying loop.

I hope the medication option works soon too!

hello @Engineer

You certainly have put many hours of effort in to learning the language

Plus as you mentioned before so many physical hours exercising

your tone does sound as though you have come to the end of your tether

i really do feel for you. I certainly do not mean to imply that you have not tried. The fact that you are still there explains how much tenacity and determination you have despite the obstacles.

I only intend to reach out and try and help. As you know we are not professionals and I can only offer compassion having been at rock bottom on many more than one occasionm nyself.

I feel as though you need to be able to breathe, that you just cannot escape this overwhelming situation.

Just to help you through the next day or so, are you able to go somewhere that resonates with you? As in river, lake, forest whatever and just lay on the ground and soak in the beauty. You probably think that I am raving mad. I just feel that you have so much to let go of.

Life is not all about work as hard as that seems right now.

Most importantly what I think does not matter, I am purely someone who suffers symptoms of depression and anxiety. I can only offer ideas which is what I do I am an empath.

Please do not allow me to infuriate you further if my suggestions are not what you need.

I wish you all the best.

Hello @Engineer

No, No , No that is not what I meant at all.

I am so struggling making myself understood.

I meant that the overall tone of your post was one of you have just had enough and are at the end of your tether

dont hold back just vent vent vent

you arent sounding grumpy , tired yes

look after you