Overseas move gone wrong?

Hi @Engineer,

Your anxiety levels sound very high. These current levels of anxiety may also be throwing up excessively bleak thoughts about your life back in Australia. Here, you will be able to recover and find optimism again about your future. At present, your thoughts may be quite distorted from distress, though I realise there is some reality in them too. But, for now, I would suggest focussing on the present as much as possible. This seems the best way to go to move forward.

So, whatever happens, remember any techniques you may have learned (recently or previously), for reducing anxiety levels. This could be distraction, conscious breathing, conscious relaxation of muscles, going for walks. Anything is better than remaining frozen with your anxious thoughts.

I hope you find some relief from this distress very soon.

Hi @Mazarita,

My anxiety levels are beyond anything I have ever experienced and my bleak thoughts are all consuming.

Even if I quit tomorrow I don't know how I will find the strength and energy to sort out the tasks to return. And if I don't quit I dont know how to make it through the week and meet my overseas travel obligations.

For the last hour I have forced myself to eat breakfast, do all the neglected dishes in the sink, shave, shower and get changed to cover off some basic essentials.

Its Saturday 9 am here and I have to get outside. I cant lie on this mattress all day. No one I know here is available to spend time with me. I have a potential distraction activity at 2 pm but its over an hour drive away and my mental clarity to drive is abysmal

@Engineer, great that you have done some of those basics to get yourself into the day. Even going out alone for a walk might help. Just to get you out of the four walls and off the mattress. Gives your body a chance to absorb some of the nervous energy from your anxiety. I do understand your dilemma with work and moving forward. The only way I can see for you to deal with these things is one at a time. Even in terrible circumstances we can surprise ourselves sometimes with what we are able to do. As you know, I personally would advise quitting and getting back to Australia as soon as possible. As I see it, that would be a step forward towards recovery. Wishing you the best outcome possible.

Its 7:30 am Sunday morning here.
I just woke up after taking 4 sleeping tablets at 11:45 pm last night.
Awoke to a massive panic attack with pounding heart rate which took several minutes for me to calm down.

In 12 hours I see my boss for dinner and I have to DECIDE.

I cant put this off any longer.

This is the worst position I have ever got myself in my entire life.

I have obsessively talked this through with uncountable people for uncountable hours and it comes back to me taking control and living with the consequences.

I have no distraction activities planned today, have no one to ease my burden, and will go back through all my notes on the pros and cons, and the action steps I need to take either way.

@Engineer, the limbo state you have been in seems excrutiating. I think things will be better once you decide this. You are not alone here. I and others have come to care about your situation. Sending very best wishes on your next steps to moving forward from here.

My behaviour is ridiculous. I keep thinking that if I keep talkng about it, or posting comments, that some miracle is going to happen where as easy path or action I have not thought of will be revealed. Simiarly for depression and anxiety - I want a miracle instant cure NOW.

I am online looking at Australian jobs.

Very few options. In a complete PANIC - I don't want to return to Adelaide to live with my mother and don't want to be unemployed.. But I can't cope here either.

I cannot see ANY prospect of a happy ending back in Australia. I cannot see ANY path to rebuild my life in Australia. I cannot see me being successful in ANY job interview. I face at least 6 months to a year of psychiatric help to turn my life around or will continue to be like this. I have NO plan - and have to accept somehow that I CANNOT have one as there are too many unknowns outside my control.

Sorry this is PANIC and negativity and catastrophising in control.

Life can be about tough decisions - every one I have previously ever made has been a disaster.

I am beating myself senseless about having tried this and failed (I shouldn't be using this term as the obstacles I faced were close to impossible). I had a well paying secure job in Australia and I threw it away.

I should be deleting this post as its not helpful or constructive at all.

@Engineer, sometimes it helps to just vent our distress and you are welcome to do that here. I do notice though that you seem to be beating yourself up pretty hard. Please try to be as gentle as possible with yourself during this difficult time. Although there is reason for valid concern about your job prospects in Australia, now does not seem to be the time to focus on that. Rather, it seems to be the time to focus on self care and taking steps necessary to get the professional care you require. I believe your perception of your prospects in Australia will improve once the huge weight of anxiety, panic and depression is lifted from you.

I want CERTAINTY over my future. And its IMPOSSIBLE. No one can have certainty.

Either path I can take looks overwhelmingly bad.

I am stopping posting now as I am deleting most of what I am writing as its an uncontrolled rant.

Thanks to all the people who have made suggestions.