Overseas move gone wrong?

Hi Engineer,

I hope you are going okay. I am in a similar position to you. I have been off work now for a few years (on workers compensation) and I need to resign but just can't bring myself to do it. My employer has treated me terribly and I know there is no way I can go back there. Like you, I am not good at making decisions and I know this will really upset me and ruin any future job prospects. I stay up late all night trying to work out how to resign.

At least your job sounds like it is okay (from what you have described). Despite the other problems you are having your work sounds like it is alright and so that is one positive thing. It can be very hard for people with depression and anxiety to find (and keep) suitable employment.

If you do end up leaving, please let me know if you ended up resigning and how you did it, as this is something I really need help with it. I might also post seperately about this issue for myself.

Please know you are not alone and life is challening but we can fight our battles.

Hi @girl99, the resigning part is not the major problem - its what comes NEXT.

Whilst I still cannot bring myself to do it, I have written the resignation letter, and chased up how to close every foreign service - bank account, electricity, gas, water, internet, health insurance etc.

So I am prepared as I can be - the actual act could be as simple as a phone call and then email with attachment.

I lie awake at night with huge anxiety about the future I cannot predict - returning home to face long term unemployment and never getting a structured life with a job again.
I have been in constant safe employment for 25 years - and the thought of being unemployed destroys me. I don't want to end up on the scrap heap.

Despite the fact I am in enviable position that after 25 years I don't even need the income, have zero debt, and I could live at a very basic level for many years without a job.

My major issue is I have a longstanding problem with unstructured unplanned time. I struggle on weeknights and weekends away from a job, and in the past have rarely taken holidays. Having 24-7 unstructured time in unthinkable to me. I need constant distraction activities and within 5 minutes of them being over I am at a loss what to do next.

I was a "star" employee well respected by my peers and managers, and considered an excellent assett to the business until MI hit me for last few years.

Hi Engineer,

Yes I think I understand what you are saying about the resignation and what follows. I am having difficulty structuring my resignation letter let alone thinking about what happens after that as it is all too traumatic and upsetting to think about.

I know my professional career is well and truly fu*ked. But your career is NOT fucked - not yet anyway. From what you have said (and I could be wrong in my understanding as words can get misinterpreted), your job is okay. You are not being threatened with being sacked. You are able to perform your duties. That is an AWESOME thing. From what you describe, you have a good job that you are doing well in, but you are struggling with the culture. What is the minimum amount of time that you have to stay there? Can you set yourself a goal of staying say 6 months, getting a good reference from them and then leaving?

From what you have said you have only 2 options:

1. Leave - resign, pack up your things and return home

2. Stay - you can be flexible with this and set yourself a time limit for staying in your job. Look for another job in the meantime and work on making your time there more pleasant for yourself.

From my perspective, I'd try to hang onto your career as best you can.

Others on here may say differently and I am not in your shoes and don't know how bad it is for you over there, but there must have been something exciting and interesting about the job that motivated you to move over there. Focus on that. Write motivational quotes and sayings and put them up all over your apartment. Refuse to let negative energy or thoughts into your apartment. Set yourself a goal and stick to it. Tell yourself that you CAN DO IT. From my perspective, not having work and structure is horrible (particularly when you have had a professional career and prided yourself on your work). I have totally lost my identity. People ask what I do and I don't know what to say. I struggle a lot with having an unstructured day and routine and things to aim for and being viewed as useless.

They say it can take around 6 months to find another job and you have only just started looking. Can you make a decision to stay 6 months in your current position and look for other work in the meantime? Try to make the 6 months nicer for yourself - buy a cheap tv, make your apartment nicer for yourself, take some photos and every night write down in a journal something new or interesting that you have discovered about the new country you are in - remember you may never go back there!

Update 8 months later. I feel horrified re reading this account now in January 2018.

Finally quit in July 2017. Left country and returned to Australia.

Paid back thousands of dollars to employer. Tooks months and months after I left to get everything closed.

Returned to Adelaide.

Unemployed for 1 1/2 months.

Was recruited by an ex colleague to a role in Sydney. Totally different industry to what I have worked in. Started in August 2017. Similar pay to my previous role.

Relocated to Sydney where I know no-one and have arranged a townhouse and been reunited with all my prior furniture. Bought a new car and new whitegoods to replace everything I gave up.

So many of my fears did not materialise.

However depression and anxiety has not lifted substantially - especially in this new job as very stressful. Enjoying being back in Australia and English speaking country.

Back on antidepressants and professional support in Australia. Despite this my new employer is happy with my performance.

Still struggling with isolation and loneliness here and will be looking on the forums for tips and advice about how to deal with this when nothing seems to bring joy any more.

Very appreciative of all the support people offered when I was in the midst of one of the biggest crisis of my life.

Well done @Engineer

you achieved what you thought was impossible..

anxiety and depression still there...not like a pulled muscle or similar physical injury..

need determination persistence through all of the non motivated,,,lacking energy..not wanting to go out..not wanting to socialise..not wanting to get out of bed..not able to cry or scream but wanting to so badly..

every single part of you aching...

yes can work..put on mask..

very different to facing ourselves..

ongoing self discovery...becoming comfortable in our own company..becoming comfortable in our own skin...

life is waiting for us..

for me I have to keep on grabbing spontaneity and going with it..trusting myself..

hopefully not too deep for you..if is the case no need to reply...I do not have the answer or the solution just my own experience and perspective

good luck with the next part of your journey...