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Son (22) with schizophrenia

Grasshopper3Senior Contributor24 Mar 2017, 1:25 pm AEDT

Son (22) with schizophrenia

Living with someone who suffers from schizophrenia is very difficult. Even medicated it seems he lives in a different world and stares a lot whilst smoking cigarettes like a steam train.
Sleeps during the day, spooks around at night.
Any advice about healthy diet, less coffee and smokes, is ignored.
He will never live a productive life.
We've lost family members close to us on the way because of his behaviour and them not understanding mental illness.
Ofcourse I worry about our future.
I need to be single as no other man can live with us.
I need to work full time to provide a roof over our heads and pay the bills. Without me, he'll be homeless, jobless and suicidal as his paranoia would kick in, specially when he thinks the meds are only given to him as he is a guinea pig and 'they' are trying to change his DNA...
I've always wanted children but no one never told me how tough it would be if a mental illness strikes the 'Brady bunch' family image with a thunderbolt.
A medal to anyone who cares for someone suffering mental illness.
They need all the help and support they can get. They deserve better too. Mental illness you don't see from the outside, my son looks like a healthy good looking young man but has no future. Maybe with support and someone pushing him out of his shell but some have tried and given up.
I have given up a marriage and another 7 years old relationship and noe bought a small unit to care for my son, indefinite. We have no other family here as Migrated here in 1987.

My love for my son is very deep and I am so proud of him he went to hospital last year and still takes his depot shot every month. However, I feel anxious and worry all the time. He has applied for DSP (disability pension) but he tells me if he gets rejected, and 'they' want him to work, he will stop the depot needle. It takes his motivation and energy away, He knows he can't work 8-5pm, neither with or without meds.
My good sense of humour is slowly fading but where there's life, there's hope, right?
Thanks for reading my story.

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In response to: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Unknown userMember28 June 2017, 6:37 pm AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Oh @Former-Member, thanks for the update, that's good news I think - no heavy antipsychotics & better prognosis, I think. How are you feeling about this outcome? I dont come over often, but I'ill miss you here so please do pop in. Farewell 😞 but yes, see you around 🌷🌿

In response to: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Unknown userMember09 July 2017, 7:17 am AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Hello @Former-Member@Grasshopper3@patientpatient

just want to check up on how each situation is for each of you and how all of you are, including those who you care for.

Even though I am overseas I am in contact verbally via Skype with my son. I am still receiving messages constant reminding me that he is suffering.

Ireached a stage where I could not respond because I could not do what he wanted. I then went through stages of guilt, grief,frustration, you know them all.

He then sent me a message ...why have I not answered? I had to say difficult because of staying with family.

I loathe myself for not being totally honest.

why am I feeling guilty??

In response to: Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

patientpatientSenior Contributor09 July 2017, 10:22 am AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Hi @Former-Member,

Doing OK here, not much to report. I understand the feeling of guilt, and even a weekend off will trigger it. I do remember when you'd completely lost contact with your son so it's actually good to hear that he's messaging and you can also talk to him... that's a bonus. Unfortunately we're so "on edge" that almost every nuance triggers fear... at least that's my experience (past and current). Perhaps tell him that you will reply but can't always reply immediately, and remind him about time zones. Also a little reassurance can go a long way. Hope your holiday is going well and you're re-charging the emotional batteries by having many enjoyable moments. Keep positive... bring some happiness back with you.

In response to: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Unknown userMember09 July 2017, 10:22 am AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Hi again @Former-Member, I soooo relate to not knowing how to respond. Maybe just pull out one thing and respond to that. Probably best not to do Skype in front of the rels. Guilt is an annoying emotion, it demands F on us the impossible. But maybe its purpose is to get us to resolve things. Maybe just a quick msg saying you "having technical problems replying at the moment but love you very much" My brother is quieter than usual, must give him a call. Have a good day M, nice to see you ❤❤❤

In response to: Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Unknown userMember11 July 2017, 3:04 pm AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Hello @patientpatient @Former-Member

I was loving the contact with him before.

He has become obsessive with his demands again.

He is writing dreadful stuff now. Telling me that people are trying to rape and torture him. It is so painful to read.

he is abusive in his responses. The language is disgusting. He is degrading me, telling me that I am useless and wasting his time. Also that I am not doing anything to stop these people. He tells me that I have to get him out of the country.

i am frightened of him. I am reminded of the verbal abuse from previous relationship. The whole thing is turning into a nightmare. I feel intimidated by his words. Emotional blackmail. Telling me that he will never speak to me again.

In response to: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Unknown userMember11 July 2017, 8:08 pm AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Oh @Former-Member, that's horrible, feel for you. I'm thinking it must be harder to distance from a son than a brother. Tough love doesn't seem to work with complex MI. Lke were over a barrel. A no win situation for you. My brother has been abusive like you describe. To think I wanted to be a psych nurse. Very hard. Maybe if you involve the police they will eventually enforce MH assessment, but involving police is horrible. You might have to block him on your phone most days, for peace of mind, he can't be abusing you like that. One thing I found that calmed my brother is asking him "what can I do?" Its like he realises then he's asking too much. I wish it was different. Big hug 🙂
🌷🌿

In response to: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Sunshine888555Contributor12 July 2017, 4:11 pm AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Hi All
I'm just new to the forum today and it's weird hearing from other people who have similar experiences to mine.
My son is 19 nearly 20 and has schizophrenia.
I am currently looking to find a place for us both to move in together again after his situation has changed and he is now homeless. He was really struggling to cope alone and I was a big support at that time. It's exhausting.
i am coming to terms that my son needs more support than I wanted to accept and other people just don't understand. I'm giving up living on my own for the first time in my life after a separation from my husband of 27 years. He has mental illness also and can't be a support to our son and I have another 21 year old who has been struggling to cope with his brothers mental illness also. My family has imploded and life seems very difficult. I'm hoping that we can love one another and I can help support him as best I can. I work full time and love my life and just don't want to loose myself. But I want to try and empower my son to live the best life he can live. It's struggle street my friends but I always try to be positive and I meditate a lot!!!
Best wishes to all traveling this road. It's definitely challenging to say the least!

In response to: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor12 July 2017, 10:35 pm AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Hi @Sunshine888555 and welcome to the forums ...... 😊

Pleased to meet you.

You seem to be making your way around, but if you would like any help, please feel free to ask.

I will tag you from the Carers virtual cafe. Please drop in and say hello anytime.

💜🌷
F&H

In response to: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Sunshine888555Contributor13 July 2017, 8:54 am AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Hi F&H, it's nice to meet you too.
Thanks for the invite. I don't really understand how all this works but I will work it out.
I'm feeling a bit anxious about moving in with my son but I just keep telling myself it will all work out fine. Love conquers all they say. Anyway I just keep surrendering it to my higher power! I think it would be helpful for my son to talk to other people going through the same thing. I don't know if he will post on this site but I might introduce him to it at some stage. We are at least able to communicate more openly about his illness now as I'm trying really hard to educate myself more and understand what it's like for him. Thanks for your support im very grateful. Have a lovely day. 😃🌈🦋

In response to: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor13 July 2017, 9:28 am AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

You too @Sunshine888555 .... 🌷

There are a number of people with schizophrenia challenges on the LE-Forum connected to this one. If you go into the Home page and click on Lived Experience you will be on what is fondly referred to as "the other side" and this side is to them as well ... 😏 There are a number of us who joined as carers who spend a lot of time on the LE side of the forums. The wonderful people you meet there have so much to teach us, and give .... nothing teaches like Experience, and the intense experiences produce intense compassion as well, and the honesty to tell it like it is. Learning from others who battle schizophrenia for themselves can provide tremendous insight, and a voice of experience that your son may not yet have to be able to articulate his way forward through the muddle and confusion he finds himself in.

Some LE people are self-carers and you will find them on C-forum too. There is a different form of intensity here, and some LE people "rest" here a little. Carers are generally gentle,big-hearted folk nursing their own pain over their life circumstances and the fears and challenges they face, which brings understanding to the table here too.

Along with branching from the Home page, the Search bar will be helpful for you too, but the searches only bring up results from the particular side of the forum you are on .... C or LE .... although there are some community threads that may be open to both,such as Friday Feast - everyone shares about what they are having for dinner, and chat about raised topics in a similar way to a social gathering, and it's in "real time".

I am in the west, as are others here, so you will notice different activity owing to time zones too .... westerners are generally "later" in the mornings, but we also flit around "later" st night as well.

💜🌷

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