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Son (22) with schizophrenia

Grasshopper3Senior Contributor24 Mar 2017, 1:25 pm AEDT

Son (22) with schizophrenia

Living with someone who suffers from schizophrenia is very difficult. Even medicated it seems he lives in a different world and stares a lot whilst smoking cigarettes like a steam train.
Sleeps during the day, spooks around at night.
Any advice about healthy diet, less coffee and smokes, is ignored.
He will never live a productive life.
We've lost family members close to us on the way because of his behaviour and them not understanding mental illness.
Ofcourse I worry about our future.
I need to be single as no other man can live with us.
I need to work full time to provide a roof over our heads and pay the bills. Without me, he'll be homeless, jobless and suicidal as his paranoia would kick in, specially when he thinks the meds are only given to him as he is a guinea pig and 'they' are trying to change his DNA...
I've always wanted children but no one never told me how tough it would be if a mental illness strikes the 'Brady bunch' family image with a thunderbolt.
A medal to anyone who cares for someone suffering mental illness.
They need all the help and support they can get. They deserve better too. Mental illness you don't see from the outside, my son looks like a healthy good looking young man but has no future. Maybe with support and someone pushing him out of his shell but some have tried and given up.
I have given up a marriage and another 7 years old relationship and noe bought a small unit to care for my son, indefinite. We have no other family here as Migrated here in 1987.

My love for my son is very deep and I am so proud of him he went to hospital last year and still takes his depot shot every month. However, I feel anxious and worry all the time. He has applied for DSP (disability pension) but he tells me if he gets rejected, and 'they' want him to work, he will stop the depot needle. It takes his motivation and energy away, He knows he can't work 8-5pm, neither with or without meds.
My good sense of humour is slowly fading but where there's life, there's hope, right?
Thanks for reading my story.

470 replies

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In response to: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Unknown userMember20 May 2017, 10:07 pm AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

RE-POST re moderator's edit req (thanks NiteKat). Apologies to whoever I offended. I get caught up in being 'real' but have have watered down / reworded the highlights so not to offend, I hope 🙂

Hi @Former-Member, thanks, I get impatient with my brother sometimes. Tonight he tx me to ask if his 25yo sons birthday is next week. Because of him we all lost contact with his two sons & x-wife. With his drug abuse, psychosis and eventual DV dvo's etc He bwlievef his wife slept around, got violent with her, claims she conspires to have him terminated, told his teenage boys they were not his blood. Very hurtful for them. Of cause believing the paranoid delusions he left the area 2,500km away (back to mum&dad & eventually ITO (mental health act).

5yrs ago at a family wedding (bro was not invited) the nephews told me "as far as they are concerned - there dad is dead" Breaks my heart. They don't want to see him as a victim of MI (because of the drug use) & don't want to be hurt anymore i guess, and are protecting their mum. Its so sad. My bro is always asking how they are (refusing to believe I don't know, thinking I have contact behind his back...). Our batty mother claims she exchanges Christmas cards with bro's inlaws (the ones he remembers violently terminating him before being resurrected...). It does my head in, i care about all these people.

Tonight, Not only has my bro forgotten his sons birthday but blames them all that he has no contact. I reminded him the birthday is July and to ask mother for the family address and maybe mail a birthday card with an apology for being a sh#t dad. He won't do that because he thinks he is the victim. I'm sick of it and feel manipulated

I know I shouldn't have been so blunt but don't want to be drawn in anymore. What would you have said back? I'm usually more tolerant. 💜 as big sis he's always looked up to me but I don't have the answers to this 😞

In response to: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Grasshopper3Senior Contributor20 May 2017, 10:20 pm AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Today I went for an hours walk and whilst walking I rang a friend I used to work with. We had an awesome nice chat, and I walked back home after a short gym session on the way.

My son just got up. I made him a cuppa tea, and we sat outside while he smoked. I read something to him that @Former-Member had written about what it is like if you want to be listened to but you have trouble expressing how you feel because of a blockage. How important self care is. I read it in another post, and it was beautifully written.

and....He got it! I said it must be so frustrating for you to feel no one understands how you feel and you can't even try to explain.

I said I am checking today if I can help in anyway. If you still feel like you did last night, we could ring someone, or even go past hospital where you might want to go for a rest.

He said I don't want to do anything, and he kept staring.

I thought well, I have offered, I will be with him, observing him, but I must keep doing what I like doing, not to get drawn into thinking the worst.

So I finished a Macrame Project, with him staring, but I was just talking to him, ignoring he never answered me, just kept chatting about this and that and asking him if he liked my work. Then I got the drill, drilled few holes to hang three pieces up, and he came to see what I was doing, and assisted me. yay!

I asked him how this drill worked and if he could hold the pieces up on wall before I drilled etc. got him involved. It worked and even had a laugh when I accidently 'fluffed' lol

Outside again we listened to music and now and again Kevin Bloody Wilson, he as always liked the crude humor, and managed a smile here and there.

I suggested a walk, he sighed and put his uggies on. yay! Didnt talk much during the walk, got home, listened to some more music and he laid down on his mattress in the lounge.

and this is where we at today. I didnt mention the dissappointment of the clinical nurse not keeping his appointment, but i have read @Former-Member piece of info about the Role of the Chief Psychiatrist, and keeping this for future reference.

Tomorrow is another day,

Have a good night ladies and gent (@patientpatient)

In response to: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Unknown userMember20 May 2017, 11:07 pm AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

@Former-Member
Lost a message to you, it is a very difficult situation nearly asleep, will try again tomorrow, in the mean time, this may or may not help

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Lstn6WNnCRc

In response to: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Unknown userMember20 May 2017, 11:09 pm AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Sounds like a couple of wins there @Grasshopper3, well done. And you inspire me to go walking more 🙂

In response to: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Unknown userMember20 May 2017, 11:11 pm AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Thanks @Former-Member, catch up tomorrow 🌷

In response to: Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Grasshopper3Senior Contributor20 May 2017, 11:34 pm AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

@patientpatient@Former-Member@Former-Member@Former-Member@Shaz51

I just found this video from the Chairman National Mental Health Mr Allan Fels, who has a daughter himself with SZ.

https://youtu.be/4tWZ_Jc1gfw

I hope for people like my son and his daughter, there will be housing available with Mental Health Carers and Professionals and family all linked in.... To do this on my own, is an impossibility but I keep trying as there is this emotional loving bond between my son and I and there is nothing else available. Trust me, I tried before I decided to buy this little villa for my son and I. Now, I am left to my own devices and am struggling between working full time to pay the mortgage and car repayments and caring for my son, as no one else can do it. Lucky for us, my son has been complying with his medication since last year June.

If he doesn't, he'll be on the streets as his paranoia and delusions will kick in.

Fingers crossed, for all the homeless and MI people out there and their carers....

Cheers,

In response to: Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Unknown userMember20 May 2017, 11:59 pm AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

@Grasshopper3 @Former-Member @Former-Member @patientpatient @Shaz51

Will try to respond to you all tomorrow or next day. Late now. Night night

In response to: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Unknown userMember21 May 2017, 8:03 am AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

@Former-Member

It is a tough gig and I would not want you to feel as though I am criticising you in any way.

It takes a lot if resilience and patience to be empathic even from a distance, especially when a patient has such strong delusions.

Unless someone with Sz has a person that cares for them that understands them and how the disorder is affecting them it is very difficult for the docs to get the meds right as self reporting can be very poor (if you did not think you were sick what would you tell the doc?). Substance abuse further complicates things is often, but not always, a factor in violence.

In all of this I see that you are on the forum as you care for your brother. You can see he needs help but are not close enough to be able to help, you may also find that your help might not be welcomed.

All I can suggest is that in understanding how to deal with the delusions and not enter in to them, you might find it easier to cope with his phone calls.

Getting social supports and planning for the longer term is another matter and one that plays heavily on the mind of parents of patients with Sz as they age. This is a significant issue and one I have not had to look into this as the person I care for is my husband and he does not self medicate. From what I gather it takes long and sustained effort to get housing and the care can be basic.

I take phone calls from an interstate friend with paranoid Sz, her delusions are non bizarre but she has insight.

Talking too much here, acknowledging your struggles,

Take care lapses
Darcy

In response to: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Unknown userMember21 May 2017, 9:39 am AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Thanks @Former-Member, it helps, you seem to get the picture. I sense a great need with my bro to connect with me. With mum on rapid decline with terminal cancer - I think that will hit him hard. They are close in a codependent unhealthy way. I'm glad I have physical distance. Dad is weary of him he says (dad has early dementia, serious memory and mobility problems). He visits mumdad every day, they pay him to do jobs. I have found local groups for him to attend - like GROW, and suggested vol work etc but he can't manage it. He has more physical problems manifesting now that he worries about, cholesterol, degenerative back, bad swollen knee atm. Mum has got him accessing all social services available. Fortunately he has secure affordable public housing this last year.

It hasn't registered that the drug use could be causing the violence more than the MI. Thanks for pointing that out. I do take his calls or ring him now and then, conversation is hard as I have to be alert and subtle about bringing him back to here and now current surroundings - how his 'real' world is... to know if he's OK physically at least. Though its really hard to measure.

People tell mW to sever all contact (like my sister & B1 have) but I can't as I know how lonely MI living is. In the other hand, I wonder if I'm kidding myself that I am actually any benefit at all, Apart from them feeding off my concern. I don't know, just give where I can. I found a lovely warm winter shirt to mail him. A practical way of saying he is lived I guess.

Thanks again, I'll study this thread closer, so many useful helps so far. Hope your situation is OK atm, and you. Lice your sunflowers by the way :)/

In response to: Son (22) with schizophrenia

Grasshopper3Senior Contributor21 May 2017, 10:34 am AEST

Re: Son (22) with schizophrenia

my son is no longer under CTO. He attends to his appointments voluntary at this stage. Please let it stay this way...
xx

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