Son (22) with schizophrenia

hello @Grasshopper3 and all others

Firstly thank goodness you are both safe and thank you so much for letting us all know how you are.

You have both been through a minefield.

I am still learning about paranoid schizophrenia with it only being introduced into my world last october. I also dont have my son with me full time. I can only piece together bits from telephone conversations, text messages which have only really started in the last 4 weeks, I cant remember.

I do remember when I visited him in hospital when his mind was full force to get out of hospital.He walked so quickly in front of me across traffic lights that were changing to red in the middle of the city. I was so alarmed and thought how can staff let them out when in this state? This was the beginning of my learning experience about how they are all plonked into one box. They are all given the same injection initially. Most of them dont receive any counselling. My son said to me the other day, they increased my medication without a psychiatrist even seeing me.

So whilst your son initially wanted to go to hospital (possibly triggered memory of feeling contained the first time he went), he later changed his mind.

I am wondering if he is aside from the paranoia, in a state of severe shock. He was so excited about his father coming, lovingly asking if he can stay with you both. He is perhaps trying to make sense of what happened. Possibly blaming himself, young males are so prone to this when their fathers let them down. Also perhaps very busy in his head, noises, voices?

Well what did his father do? He treated his son with indifference, far worse than any hospital medical team.

Sorry dont mean to upset you Matosh. This has nothing to do with you.

His father showed his true colours, by bragging about materialism, degrading females, he clearly has little if any respect for females.

Your son would have experienced so many different emotions at once. Anyone would have been horrified by such an experience.

I think that your son has such great insight into his schizophrenia. He still trusts you, opened up on the telephone with you. That was brilliant.

No matter how much they love and trust us they still have their moments where they need to just internalise to nurture their souls. He feels safe enough in your company to do this.

Has he agreed to see a psychologist or psychiatrist?

Everything that you are doing, you are considering his feelings, noone can ask for more than that.

Keep reassuring him that it is nothing that he has done. Some people are just not cut out to be parents, his dad, not the fault of the child in any way. Perhaps even reassure that you are his mum, you know that is 100% from mother son bond that you share.

Being with him, walking alongside, is so powerful. Asking if ok to touch him melted my heart when I read those words.

Walking alongside him respecting his silence is a very powerful healer in itself.

Sorry to go on and on. I just feel such compassion for you both as though I have known you both for years.

You are both so special, please keep on believing in yourselves.

please keep in touch no matter how brief, not just for us but for you

sending much love your way for you both xxx

Hello@matosh

thanks for reply know how drained you must feel.

great news has apptment tomorrow. Take him still in his pyjamas if need be. As long as he gets there.

medication once sorted will help.

the sheer nature of this illness has led me to come to terms with living in the now.

try not to think about trip at the minute.

one day at a time.

tomorrow new psychiatrist, possibly new medication next step

Wow look at what has gone on and he is still there with you.

he continues to impress how well he handles life. You are part of that.

keep in touch xxxxx

@Former-Member

thanks for sticking with me. I have no one else, I was in tears at the shops. How embarrasing....

I went for a massage too. pushing myself to keep going and to look after myself. I was still thinking about a cup he broke I said dont worry about it. I didnt see it happen. I was going to throw the bits out, they were stacked on the table. He didnt want to throw broken bits out as it was a good cup and he wants to keep it as a memory. So he's put it in his bedroom in a plastic bag. My mind says get rid of it, he could cut himself but I havent yet. I pick my time. Really, if he wants to cut himself, he has other ways?

When I got back from my massage and shops, he helped me bring shopping in. We went for a lovely walk and I refrained myself from talking too much. I remember you saying something about just being with him, walking in silence Normally I am chatting away but not today. He said he enjoyed the walk. I only stopped him to point things out, the late afternoon sun filtering through the trees. He noticed a plank over the creek, it has been there all along but he only just noticed it. He has forgotten he has appointment tomorrow.

I made some soup as he doesnt want to eat much. He also ate an apple.

He cleaned dishes and then he got a pillow and stretched out on the floor. I said to him if he struggles with a life, I could ring Life line again? He said nah. I said I have another idea, if you dont want to talk, we will drum so he got his little drum out, I gave him a while ago, and I said start tapping, I got a saucepan and wooden spoon, and I will start tuinng into you... it was lovely, we tapped away, just random taps, softly and I said when he stopped maybe you can think about sunrising, what would that sound like? he sais I dunno, but started tapping and I said its dark but first sunrays shining over the hills and morning dew on trees.

I spoke soft and he tapped away until the sun was lighting up the sky and the birds were tjerping and the flowers smelled beautiful.

He agreed the whole drumming excercise make his thoughts stop. He can use drum at night too, if he can"t sleep, as long as he does it softly.

I thought he was tired and left him on floor about an hour ago, but I can still hear him walking around.

good nite i am stuffed

xx

Just woke up, checked on him, hes laying in his bed staring at ceiling. He hasnt gone to sleep yet. He said hes taken 2 painkillers but he says he needs some serious sleeping tablets.
I said why don't you try to eat something? He got up and whilst I was warming soup up he complained he felt dizzy. Sat him down on chair but he wanted to go back to bed. He collapses in lounge but after few minutes he got up complained his ears popped and proceeds to bedroom. There he says it's weird now feel OK again. I brought him his soup and he ate all of it.
I hope he can get up in few hours to see his psych!
I must go to sleep myself. Thanks for reading my never ending story.
Sorry it's so long but I need to read back sometimes as many things happen and now I have a record. 😜
🌷

@Grasshopper3

He sounds very unsettled after your unusually busy (and stressful) weekend. If he has headphones, music can help, for example while he's in the car or while he's by himself. Hope the psych appointment goes OK.

hello @Grasshopper3

You have not upset me in the least.

My family do a very good job of that without the help of anyone else. It has been the case for so long that it has become an achilles heel I think. My already low self-esteem then plummets. I wrote the other post to vent.

I see how much time and effort you put in to your son. What do I do with mine? Others have so much experience and knowledge. I feel as though my words of help are futile as I have no experience.

I just feel so much from my heart, to want to reach out and help you. You and your son are working so hard together. I just want to be here for you both.

You are both so drained.

I hope that the psychiatrist appointment brings some relief. A hospital stay may even be suggested if the psychiatrist has concerns re son's thoughts. Your son mentioned sleeping tablets. Perhaps these could be subscribed.

I am realising that you are probably there and my message is too late. I struggled getting to sleep and did not want to get up so arose late, 9.30am.

When back at home you have the option of the lifeline call on speaker.

How does he get on with his caseworker? Some people ring and speak to them if they are helpful.

Carers Australia have a mental health section for carers. If you ring the main number they will put you through to the relevant area for your state. They have telephone counselling but can also set you up with a psychologist plan no charge. This is something that could be put in place for when you return from overseas.

The pan and wooden spoon are an excellent idea. Making music, distracting and assisting drowning out busy noises in his head.

Headphones are supposed to be good too as patient patient suggested.

What works one day might not necessarily work another. That is not about you; that is how he is feeling and what he is experiencing at that moment. You cannot possibly work that out.

He drinks coffee do you think he would know if you switched it to decaffinated? macchona decaffinated is the only one that I can drink. The rest taste like washing up water to me.

please ignore my wallowing.

Your writing on here is a version of a journal for you. You help me. I write my journal about my moods on the other side so as not to upset anyone over here. So please keep writing. I want to know how the appointment went and suggestions etc moving forward.

looking forward to you next post. love to you bothxxx

hello @Grasshopper3

have already responded to last post and just re read this one.

great that you allowed yourself a massage, a start in looking after yourself.

walking and observing everything around is good for both of you. distractions for you both, taking your minds of all consuming illness.

I know with my own illness and psychotherapy just going for walks and tuning in with nature helps keep me in the now. I feel so dissociated at times, then when tune in on plants, animals, birds they almost appear 3d. It is such a relief to get away from our heads. This would be very therapeutic for your son. Reinforce the real person who he is still. Experiencing reality. Good for you as well experiencing nature together.

The broken cup. Perhaps he wanted to keep it. A reminder that he broke something which he hadnt meant to do. He might be trying to work out a way to mend it at a later time. Their minds do try and problem solve. They are good at puzzles. This might relate to that perspective of his feeling. Might not.

The little conversation that I have with my son, I try to think of the parts which are the real him thinking. I know that they are there. So I try to stay positive holding onto that. I am trying very hard not to berate myself when talking about my son and my experience with him. I realise that it has been such a short period of time. I dont live with him 24/7. I have experienced differences in him and progress that we have made. I know that you understand this Matosh.

You made soup and gave him an apple. His diet is so important so great that you have that under check also.

You truly are doing so much and expressing your emotions openly with him. So very important for anyone under any circumstances.

Trust me I know this only too well, growing up in my family as much as I love them.

keep writing I want to know how you both are. xxx