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The array of problems

eudemonismSenior Contributor23 Mar 2017, 6:11 pm AEDT

The array of problems

Well hi there everybody. I was just looking for people who may be able to help with some tricky stuff im faced with. -here's the life I got... -there's the life I want... and there is a whole lot of technical, physical, mental or emotional issues between the two.

I have struggled with mental problems for a very long time. And I think the gravity of the story and reality of my situation. Induces shock and trauma. And has to sink in over again each day. -But there is apart of me. That weighs things up and desires a better life and to help myself.

Now, if I could...I'd magically employ myself in a good career. And change everything around. But I can't! -so im more or less stuck with very limited options. Reoccurring problems. In the same circumstances. -which gets me down and becomes tiring...

And im tired of feeling like I do.

Im aware of what they say helps and what doesn't. -its just really hard to put into place and follow through with everything.

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In response to: The array of problems

eudemonismSenior Contributor22 Apr 2017, 10:42 am AEST

Re: The array of problems

@Appleblossom or @Fiz I think I need to start getting back into and working on my childhood dreams. And doing more stuff I enjoy. Like, recording my guitar, drums, harmonica and keyboard. And writing and my art work. Plus lots of other stuff ie. Walking. Fresh Air. Socializing. Family - friends. Good food. Ect Ect. -I slip into "negative thinking cycles" when things get tough, anniversaries, hectic times of year. And I do a lot of damage in these times. 2 steps forward 3 steps back. Can't see the forest through the trees. Ect Ect.

It will never be perfect. I will always have problems. But it doesn't have to control my life.

Do either of you feel the same at times?

In response to: Re: The array of problems

FizSenior Contributor22 Apr 2017, 12:50 pm AEST

Re: The array of problems

Yes @eudemonism definitely I do. And those are the times it is best to realize that you do feel that way that you do, and it is valid, but the reasons you give yourself may not be exactly correct.

And I agree that getting back into things you love is very good, esp if it is creative or gives you a concrete reward that helps to say things like "I may not have X right now but I did Y". Making music is a very important part of my coping strategies.

🙂

In response to: The array of problems

eudemonismSenior Contributor22 Apr 2017, 1:21 pm AEST

Re: The array of problems

Ahh @Fiz true? I'm just coming out of a six month long negative thinking cycle. I got off the depot Injection for about 7 months (2 November's ago) and tried to get clean from pharmacy drugs. But it didn't work out. It was with the support I got from a friend that allowed me to do that. -and it's a shame because my mental health problems (my need for medicine is contributed too from social and environmental circumstances) and at this point in time. -I don't know any thing else or any other way) I've been bumping into triggers left right and centre for about 20 years now. -it's small town syndrome. And just apart of living in a small city (country town)

I'd like to hear some of your music one day. -I'm a back yard and mainly self taught writer, musician and artist. But there's been people who Introduced me to these things and taught me a little bit of stuff. (The rest is history)

For ages now. I've wanted a better set up. Like recording gear. A better keyboard. And electric guitar. A good drum kit. And a programme for my lappy that would allow me to mix and make an album and collect my work. (It's all pretty basic and simple for the time being) it's very unique stuff. And one thing I told myself was to be consistently myself and persistently myself and believe in myself. And just accept that it's unique and maybe seen as weird. (It gives me meaning and purpose and allows me to be eccentric)

Is it shaping up to be a good weekend?

In response to: Re: The array of problems

FizSenior Contributor22 Apr 2017, 1:41 pm AEST

Re: The array of problems

I'd offer a link to my music but that is not Forum policy.

I also am a firm believer that unless you are chasing the charts then you are best to make exactly the art that you need to make. Whether that is ABBA, Cannibal Corpse, or Stockhausen, so be it. Art is you communicating so why communicate with someone else's voice?

I am completely self-taught too - having a Classically trained Father rubbed a few things off and the Theory teacher I had to give some advice was worth it too. it does help some with the personal voice as you don't really know how to use anyone else's 😉

The great thing these days is that once you have a half way decent computer then pretty well all your studio lives in there. I use Propellerheads Reason and think it very grand - esp for a sound designer like me. Whatever you get, focus on ease of workflow as after that they are all essentially the same no matter what the marketing hype says.

Weekend is work time for me. But I must say that some things seem to be coming into line for me right now so that has me feeling a bit more chipper. I'm delighted to see you are too.

🙂

In response to: Re: The array of problems

AppleblossomSenior Contributor22 Apr 2017, 11:57 pm AEST

Re: The array of problems

I agree its best to make do with what is at hand. Any music making is good. There are more music camps and festivals to go to these days ... its great ... I only got 2 djembes in the drumming dept.

Talked a fellow into letting me drum with them for a straight classical performance. Yay for a bit of fusion!

@eudemonism I finally was rich enough to buy some Tannoy studio monitors for our middle music room and my son hooked it up for some experimental recording ... Yay ... I felt very guilty that the poor kids of the younger generations did not listen to music through decent speakers. Mind you we had nothing for 20 years .. just the lappy.

I know so many people doing similar things that it is not even that eccentric any more .. yes human beans luv to make music ... I always thought top of the pops was a sell out ...

Better outcomes on a shoe string is what I am all about.

Cheers @Fiz

In response to: The array of problems

eudemonismSenior Contributor23 Apr 2017, 5:46 am AEST

Re: The array of problems

Yeah its good to find people with the same interests even if it's oblique in nature. @Fiz and @Appleblossom -I'd say my music is a kind of dark classical style. (If that makes sense) I've also heard that there is a market for producing pieces for movies) maybe it would be good for one of you too look into.

I'm sort of thinking I'll turn my lappy into a treasure trove of musical beats and rhythms for the next generation. (I'd love to be able to write music -but don't have the funds to get a teacher to teach me) -I've already got quite an elaborate collection of self made audio and video clips and standard pictures. -a goal of mine is too get better equipment and really commit a good half hour - hour a day too producing material.

I have a djembe drum too. I'd like a full kit though. And a a few other things. I should start scrimping and scraping all my spare dollars together and make it happen. Cause no one else will.

It sounds like it's a bit of a career for you @Fiz? Have you done any performances? Or only released recordings?

In response to: The array of problems

eudemonismSenior Contributor23 Apr 2017, 5:52 am AEST

Re: The array of problems

All the greats were self taught. And @Appleblossom it's definitely very therapeutic and even good exercise when it comes to djembe drums. (My medicine gets injected into my arm muscles so I think 5-10 mins a day of drumming gets it pumping through my system a little better. Haha 😄 the noises and vibrations I get coming from that drum sounds like a goats that's suckling from its mothers. And part didgeridoo. And part clap sticks. The reverb is amazing.

In response to: Re: The array of problems

FizSenior Contributor23 Apr 2017, 1:03 pm AEST

Re: The array of problems

@eudemonism I would love to do some more film work - only done a couple of short so far. My couple of latest albums have been set to screensavers just so I could have some action on YouTube. Someone just pointed me to some footage that the fellow will let me use so fingers crossed as this will be unique and probably a good match...

I pop my albums on Bandcamp but sales are very few and far between now as no one seems to think music should be paid for 😞 I have always approached everything I do like I was a Pro. Many ppl don't seem to like that as they want to goof around. Good on em but all I can say is that I don't know of any of them having the body of work I do.

As for making recorded music, it really is as easy (or hard) as you want it to be. I know of a fellow who made a pretty decent record with nothing but a Zoom handheld recorder (oh and some talent). Your lappie and a free DAW like MuLab is better technology than The Beatles ever had.

@Appleblossom I assume those Tannoys must be nice. I spent a bit of time in a studio with Big Reds (showing my age). They were glorious. I use some Jamo C803s coupled to my NAD C320BEE and have no complaints. Recently I got a slightly old Sony Home Theatre Amp with the floor standers & sub and that is interesting to hear the extra welly. I don't like mixing on em tho as it makes for bass heavy tracks.

🙂

In response to: The array of problems

eudemonismSenior Contributor23 Apr 2017, 2:25 pm AEST

Re: The array of problems

@Fiz what your talking about does sound very professional. And I hope things pick up for you and the sales increase. Cause I imagine that will be a good thing.

As for me it's more about a legacy. Although apart of me dreams about fame and fortune. It wouldn't change much. But probably instead would make it harder.

I figure that all these great albums made through out history. Were written bye people suffering mental health issues. And could not easily be orcastrated or planned.

It's a tough industry. With a lot of competition. And I have this delusion where people are tapping into my writing. And using it as lyrics which has made it big. (But no evidence to suggest it's true) -so it fuels and motivates me writing and backyard musician thing I got going on. (Whatever the case it's hard work and it's draining)

On a different note. -I got haunted and spooked bye. Thoughts today. Which came from trying to process traumatic memories. -it shocked the living daylights out me. And left me feeling very traumatized. (I heard a song which was played at a loved one funeral.) And it sent me into a spiral of thoughts. That I couldn't tell if were true or not.

-and I figure I just look at it like. It's all in my head and there's nothing to prove they are true. (Even though I can't tell the difference! And even though I link it into every other person and good thing in my life! Which it basically destroys!) -and it's the most meaningful scenario. Which is so close to my internal feelings. -it supposedly explains everything... but leaves me to deal with the repercussions. It's very scary to go through.

In response to: The array of problems

eudemonismSenior Contributor23 Apr 2017, 2:58 pm AEST

Re: The array of problems

I need a snap me out of pack. With sayings and tools in it. A box with tactics, techniques and tools so I don't loose myself into what's going on in my head so much. (But it already seems to have done so much damage -I think what's the point? The damage is done?)

They say that 99% of what goes on in your head. Isn't true. But the bad part of it is. My head thinks it knows everything.

Some say that 97% of the things we worry about. Never come true.

So I suppose my point is... -it's hard to focus on and zone in. on what is really going to work for me and what is really going to help. When I'm sorting through all this stuff in my mind.

And 99% of it. Is just not true. -so it's fair to say I'm sabotaging myself. And even the positive stuff on a good day. Or positive stuff I'm thinking about in my head. Needs to make it too reality. Passed the thoughts process. Through the protective fields of feelings. And into an action that achieves results.

I need to get that process right. About 4 too 5 times a day. And when it involves other people. It gets more dramatized. -otherwise I'll just spend hours upon hours. Home alone in isolation. And getting bored and lonely. (Going stir crazy) -for example. Today. I thought about going for a walk with Mac. Or going for a drive with friends. Or visiting family. Or visiting friends. Or going for a swim. Or doing some gardening. (Achieved heaps of other stuff) but I'm always yearning to be making the right moves. -preventing. Being preoccupied. So I avert my worst fears. What are my worst fears?

Sorry for rambling. Im a rambler. I ramble.

Join in if you want @Appleblossom

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