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The array of problems

eudemonismSenior Contributor23 Mar 2017, 6:11 pm AEDT

The array of problems

Well hi there everybody. I was just looking for people who may be able to help with some tricky stuff im faced with. -here's the life I got... -there's the life I want... and there is a whole lot of technical, physical, mental or emotional issues between the two.

I have struggled with mental problems for a very long time. And I think the gravity of the story and reality of my situation. Induces shock and trauma. And has to sink in over again each day. -But there is apart of me. That weighs things up and desires a better life and to help myself.

Now, if I could...I'd magically employ myself in a good career. And change everything around. But I can't! -so im more or less stuck with very limited options. Reoccurring problems. In the same circumstances. -which gets me down and becomes tiring...

And im tired of feeling like I do.

Im aware of what they say helps and what doesn't. -its just really hard to put into place and follow through with everything.

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In response to: The array of problems

eudemonismSenior Contributor18 Apr 2017, 4:16 pm AEST

Re: The array of problems

Oh right. You seem fine to me. Never would of noticed unless you mentioned it. -kind of the same thing happening with me. And it becomes a case of sweep it under this rug and move on. When really it's so difficult, awkward and traumatising to relive day after day. (Which is what is basically happening) -then the attempts to reach out for help and support become the fuel, ignition and blast sequence for day to day mental problems. -until the point of feeling like each day is a prison.

Thanks for your openness and acceptance. It's good to read your writing and feel "not alone"

It's more or less like living in a nightmare. -who knows what's really wrong? And what's it really matter when no one really cares?

I might do some research about aspergergs

I just know that time and time again. My mind starts playing games and tricks on me. Which I suffer for. And it creates symptoms. And it's gotten to the point where there's no turning back and going the other way.

Many many others out there in the same boat I suppose... which is kind of comforting to know.

In response to: The array of problems

eudemonismSenior Contributor19 Apr 2017, 10:13 am AEST

Re: The array of problems

@Fiz or @Suess I'm struggling to get motivated in the mornings. And can pretty much only do the bare minimum. -then bye the afternoons I'm really feeling quite burnt out and snappy. (Extremely depressed and on edge) very run down) -I used to be a lot more motivated but medication was changed on me. -I've got through heaps of phases. Riding a bike. Walking. Education courses. And so on. But how I've been feeling in the last few months seems to be a dead end. -I'm struggling to just do the basics and it's really not a good situation to be stuck in. Not sure what's going on.

In response to: Re: The array of problems

FizSenior Contributor19 Apr 2017, 10:29 am AEST

Re: The array of problems

@eudemonism

Sorry to hear about your feeling stuck. I kinda know that one.

What I did was know that fighting it would not work. Sooooo... I went around it.

I chose not to do things that I didn't want to do. Yep if I didn't want to shower I didn't (no one here to care anyway). I did the things that I wanted (or preferred) to do. It means I have re-watched the whole Blake's 7 and am now working my way through Dark Matter again. Some people may think that is losery but what do I care as they aren't here in my house, in my skin.

After a while, the things that I struggle to do in the first place become things I want to do, for me as opposed to what I think other people think I should do at that time of day. So I do some housework, have a shower, work on the internet... I keep going.

The only caution I give to that strategy is to avoid doing things that I know are not good. I don't sit there eating mounds of chocolate as that will only make me feel worse later. No win in that.

Interestingly enough in that time I have written and released (put on the internet) two albums in 4 months. Maybe that is too prolific for good business sense, but I have been productive.

🙂

In response to: The array of problems

eudemonismSenior Contributor19 Apr 2017, 10:37 am AEST

Re: The array of problems

2 albums? Are you a bit of a song writer?

Yeah I'm hearing ya. It's just that there is these people in my mind. Who are no good and play extremely toxic roles in my life. And just then I was thinking. That these people possible thrive off of people who are suffering and miserable. And it turns into a savior and servant like game for them. Which they get paid for. And I'm talking about paid people of the system.

In response to: Re: The array of problems

FizSenior Contributor19 Apr 2017, 10:45 am AEST

Re: The array of problems

Yesss. We writeses electronical musicses. it is our precious LOL

You seem to have this paranoid thing going on. I get that. I wish I didn't but I do 😉

So why not work with that. Toxic people live off of the pain of others. So don't give them that pain. If they poke you to make you unhappy then don't give them the satisfaction. Be the master of your own ship and stay cool and don't fight. First time or three it will make them seem angrier but then...

Once satisfaction is denied they will go elsewhere to feed.

🙂

In response to: The array of problems

eudemonismSenior Contributor19 Apr 2017, 11:12 am AEST

Re: The array of problems

Yea unfortunately that's the way it works. It's okay if you admit defeat and act like you need them. But they soon turn bitter once you've stood your ground and given them a taste of their own medicine.

The thing is. When you're weak and vulnerable. And under the impression that people care and want to help. It fortifies this forgiving mentality that you think is working well. When really it's not. But if you've gotten to this point to begin with. You're probably up against the most toxic of the toxic bye this point in time. And they're at the top of their game. And their good at what they do. And they will use it against you. At the first sign. Of doing to them. What they do too you.

So essentially it's a merciless battle. Of who can be the best monster. You've shown signs of perhaps not believing in a Devine power. Which I respect and understand. And will also say. That I've been through enough. To perhaps tobe inclined to believe differently. So it takes the pressure off of me. Only to find a wolf dressed I sheep's clothing.

Innocence is no good to the church lol innocence isno good to anybody. Haha.

In response to: The array of problems

eudemonismSenior Contributor19 Apr 2017, 11:20 am AEST

Re: The array of problems

Just like sanity is no good to the system

In response to: Re: The array of problems

FizSenior Contributor19 Apr 2017, 11:21 am AEST

Re: The array of problems

I think there is a world of difference between admitting defeat and not fighting.

I'm not suggesting defeat as this is to think what you are feeling right now - and not enjoying it.

The other path is to remain strong in yourself but not to engage in battles you can't win.

🙂

In response to: The array of problems

eudemonismSenior Contributor19 Apr 2017, 5:50 pm AEST

Re: The array of problems

Yea. For years now I've been having these moments of flashbacks. They're basically a guaranteed phenomena. And it's like my conscience kicks into gear. And teams up with my imagination. And begins trying to process all this stuff that's gone wrong...

And it's an absolutely terrible feeling to experience... and it reoccurring nature don't help. -and it's like I'm head to head with the repercussions of things that happened years ago... and its terrible to go through!

Feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment. And fear. And it sort of manifests into "symptoms" delusions, paranoia, voices. Ect. Depression. Anxiety. Stress and so on... (that's the element of battle I'm up against)

And it involves so many other people... people who were involved in these things that happened. And Yea. It's pretty messed up.

And I'm thinking. This is screwed up! But basically it's all in my head ??? It destroys any hope of regaining a decent life. And leaves me vulnerable as hell against the mh system.

Like Yea.

In response to: The array of problems

eudemonismSenior Contributor19 Apr 2017, 6:30 pm AEST

Re: The array of problems

@Appleblossom

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