Locked out/in

I hope you don't have to wait too long for another meeting @EternalFlower

I find I've been let down by health team today too. I'll have to do some firefighting tomorrow.

What does getting back into society look like for you?

@Dimity thank you so much. Sorry you were stuffed around as well 😞 i was going to get my hair cut today but cancelled, i think in society would mean self care, nice clothes, brushed hair, although i dont know. I feel very self conscious and don't dress properly, i'm not getting out much, just a few hours a day, to the shops or a few spots on my safety plan.

I have a case manager who is very helpful, she's new, my prior one has changed roles. I've had support from a case manager since Feb - so just a few months but its made a good difference, in that i'm not experiencing ideation in the same way, and I'm "stable" but I don't feel very "happy" - I have moments, but mostly i'm quite down.

🫂Hugs @EternalFlower .

I'm not happy either and mostly don't get out at all except for my daily walk. I guess I'm shabby in the way I dress but I'm clean, and get my bob trimmed regularly. I definitely don't feel I'm in society and wish I had more connection. I go out once a week to a subsidised meetup - a craft group and exercise group on alternate weeks.

I don't want to depress you further but don't know what to suggest. I guess I should set goals and aspirations, and look for hobbies. Perhaps we could share achievements.

I'm glad your new case manager is making a difference. I think you've mentioned having a support worker too. I've paid for private support several times for short periods and found it very helpful. I wish I had someone but there are hurdles - it's hard navigating the agency platforms and it's very expensive. My gp wants me to get more allied health help too but it becomes prohibitive.

Being stable is a plus. Finding what makes us happy - now there's a challenge.

@EternalFlower

It was good to see your art.

I am glad your new case manager is helping a bit.

I have a decent pdoc, but I also dont expect much from him. The main thing is he is somewhat stable and isn't judgmental.

I hope your session with your is reasonable @Dimity

Getting out and social ...can be a challenge... In some ways I am doing more social stuff and have more contact and support, but I am still really vulnerable.

Good talking to you both ....

heyho @PeppyPatti @TAB

Support button isn't working

waht is a pdoc dare I ask ? is that a psych or psychiatrist or .. @Appleblossom

short hand @TAB ... I mean a psychiatrist....psychologists can practice without a Phd, although I guess, some get one. Doesn't matter.

@EternalFlower Yes I know you cared about me enough to know about my son. I appreciate that.

Yes, there are so many types in therapy. In Mad Studies, I heard about a flipping the script... yes we can see the emotional qualities or lack in the worker. I have found most have bias, but good ones, can admit it and make there humanness work in therapy.

i thought had to be a doctor first to become a psychiatrist @Appleblossom

thats my point @TAB pdoc... thought it was obvious. Never mind. Tried splaining. Now I am taking the mickey out of English.

@Appleblossom i am starting a new treatment, and i had to talk about what i wanted to work on, and a lot of it is relationships - i feel too vulnerable to make friends.

Last year when I started on the NDIS I was so alone in it, and I attracted all these providers who wanted to be my friend ie use me. i tried to use social groups or go out a lot but i kept getting into unhealthy relationships.

I was very vulnerable and at risk with ideation and in the ED a lot. Even in mental health spaces, peer workers would break my boundaries and try act in a way that was like a friend and it was too much. My vulnerability made me a target.

So I don't know if I can have friends, and in order to get better, i sort of isolated myself from everyone. I stopped posting here (before i got banned in December I think) and also stopped really interacting with new friends. I just keep up with ppl i've known a long time, i have some friends from school and my sister who I speak to. She is a social worker living in another state, and when she was how much I was struggling, she started calling to help me access care. Eventually, between the two of us and some friends help, thank G-d, I got in to case management and specialised trauma treatment.

I'm very wary but also a bit sad, I feel like i just keep getting taken advantage of. The NDIS space is very scary @Dimity because there are a lot of predators. I was wandering if anyone has seen these videos? I understand the creators are controversial and ppl don't like them - i fully ackowledge I don't know them from a bar of soap but the stories they told resonated with me -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PwdNQLQX28

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoTHanHoGEE

@Dimity how did your firefighting go?

Mine went not amazing lol

I hope they reschedule things tomorrow.

I have seen lots of bob styling videos on tiktok lately, having a nice hair cut helps 😞 i cancelled mine today.