Locked out/in

@EternalFlower it's really good if you can choose your psychologist. I hope you click with them.

I went out this morning - met up with family - was a bit miserable this afternoon.

A few days ago my gp said to do things that make me happy. Hmm. Nothing in particular comes to mind. I'll try to spruce up the house and garden tomorrow, to be less unhappy. Maybe that counts.

Today I noticed my pink camellia is flowering for the first time. It's a tiny plant, I only planted it last year.

How's your weekend going?

hi @Dimity i've heard they are really special flowers. That sounds beautiful. Are all of them pink or they come in other colours?

The weekend wasn't too bad, but i slept a lot, counting days my appointment has been delayed a month 😞 this is what happened last time when I did this program. Constant delays.

Thank you it is amazing I got to choose the therapist, I have done this program before and was matched with someone I didn't click with, so i asked to go back and stay with the therapist I worked with briefly at the end, who I liked a lot more and they said yes.

He's just very busy

Sorry to hear of the long wait @EternalFlower . At least you won't be on a waiting list for months.

Hope catching up on sleep helped.

It's a sasanqua camellia, pale pink. They also come in red and white.

I'm waiting on telehealth this morning.

@Dimity the red ones are also very beautiful but nothing like the pink 🙂

How did your telehealth go? Hope the week is starting out in a good way. I've been feeling very tired and sleeping so much

My thoughts 😞 everywhere.

The meeting on Thursday is with a publicc hospital specialised service for my condition, hoping they listen to me 🙂

I can relate to tiredness @EternalFlower . Sometimes sleep is recovery and processing time. It's hard if your mind is over-active.

My telehealth consultant was an anticlimax. I'd been very nervous of saying a couple of things had upset me last time but nothing came of it.

I'm having trouble with this post. First it disappeared so I retyped it then it posted prematurely. Maybe it's my phone.

I had a boring day after a morning outing. I got groceries later. Tired and achey. Hope tomorrow's better.

@Dimity tomorrow will be better!! somehow! I hope

i cannot believe it's wednesday. I have slept so much this week.

I wake up really early (like 4am) and then nap at weird times. Anxiety for my meeting, with 2 senior clinicians at the service.

One is a psychiatrist, they are quite nice, and the rapport is there.

That is great you got groceries, a good step.

Yes, my mind is very overstimulated.

Broken sleep is debilitating @EternalFlower but it's good if you can catch up through naps.

I mostly have brain fog at present, the opposite to you, apart from processing some stuff (I might have some c-ptsd - not recognised by my psychiatrist but I'm having therapy for it from a psychologist. Not a team.)

Is your meeting tomorrow? Good luck with it.

I got another letter today about my supports being withdrawn next year. I don't know what will replace them.

@Dimity really sorry to hear that, are you ok?

the shift from having less supports is very hard i agree. Went through that and was so upset at the time. It isn't so easy to replace them. Were they good supports?

I slept a bit better last night but still needed a nap, i dont know what is wrong with me. I used to never nap. Now i just stsay indoors a lot and rest all the time.

I think maybe the ndis help made things worse, you get used to all these strange ppl in ur world, and eventualy i just retreated and stopped seeing all of them. support workers aren't trained very well. They sometimes make things harder, with ableist ideas . Especially in the mental health area, a lot of them think they are doing mental health support work because they have a certificate - they know very little about mental health or have a saviour complex. Its really odd, in fact.

meeting is tomorrow, but not in person, on telehealth.

is your psychologist helpful? i've seen many many lol. I'm now in public system as a "last resort." as no onecold really help me. I have bad cptsd. I hate it.

It's cleaning and home maintenance @EternalFlower that I might have to source elsewhere. I don't know if social support and transport are also affected, they've been with someone else.

The psychologist is different to others I've had, she's very direct but quite caring. It's very expensive. I'm conflicted about committing to the therapy but she insists it will help.

It's interesting what you say about the qualifications. Most people on the support platforms I've looked at don't have any qualifications at all. So I've wondered if those with certificates are at least showing their interest and commitment to the work.

@Dimity i have mixed opinons about pricing with pscyhologists - i've had wildly expensive ones who were worth it but sometimes i feel like they've been very financially motivated, which i later saw with lazy things like wrapping up sessions early (not even giving the full time) or being rude about changing my appointments a lot.

But psychologists do cost so much - the NDIS cap i think is like 230 or something and i dont know how i'd get someone to work for that - even though its not nothing!

i got out of hospital a few weeks back and used this worker, i was desperate and needed help for an emergency related to getting locked out - i told her i'd be happy to pay her travel to me, and also pay her "in full" - (i meant of course i'd be for all her time with me). She stayed abotu 2 hours and asked me at the end if i'd be paying her for the full - ie 8 hours lol. Nearly 1000 dollars she wanted for her 2 hours. I was disgusted by her. Disgusted. Watching someone's mind rotate thinking how they can use your crises to make an easy buck when she did very little but she felt she deserved that kind of money for it. If i'd have paid it, it would have been fraud. I said no but felt so twisted up about it, like somehow i was being mean.