My silent battles

Hi @Flutterbug9, apologies for late reply!
how have you been?

You mentioned your cats have been very affectionate recently, I wonder if they pick up you need it right now?

pets are so awesome, not sure where I’d be without my girl 🐶

Not long until your infusion now, I am sure you are looking forward to it. I hope it helps with your shoulders too.

hmm I’m alright thanks for asking, definitely have my run of days. Trying to regulate but been really hard for awhile now and not sure why things have been a bit more hard to handle. I’m on my 3 lot of antibiotics, I’m a big nervous when I finish them as when I finished the last ones I didn’t feel good and before the 2nd lot I didn’t feel good. Still not convinced things have healed which is really annoying, but what do ya do? I will be glad when I can stop taking antibiotics- might have to eat some sage after 🤣😂🙈, well it’s a good thought lol.

Super tired this evening so going to go to bed earlier that I would normally but being trying to listen to my body more about its signs. It’s been interesting!
Talk soon 💜

@Chasingsunsets @Blackcloud

Im tired. Everything I try, all goes sour. Everyone I reach out to leaves. Tired of being alone. Tired of having no one to talk to. Tired of masking. Tired of everyone thinking I’m ok and when my MH is far from good.

@Flutterbug9 lovely to see you here again my friend. I absolutely 100% relate to all the things you’ve said here and those affirmations you’ve attached too. I think about all of that myself all the time. It’s like why can’t someone just be willing to be present and just sit with me as I’m going through these emotions, y’know?

Like it drives me absolute nuts and wanting to show my rage/wrath whenever that person I talk to doesn’t get it because they all think that just ‘talking to someone or a professional would help’ (99% of the times it actually doesn’t help)

but yeah everything you say here is all too true and 100% something I think about all the time. ❤️

@Flutterbug9 sending you lots of love and hugs sweetheart ❤️.

I can hear how exhausted and defeated you're feeling @Flutterbug9 and that you feel like you have to mask all the time, and you still feel really alone.

What might be different if the people in your life who think you're okay, knew that you were struggling with your MH? Is there anyone who you wish knew the truth of how difficult things feel right now? You deserve to have a safe space to feel seen and understood hun and if there's a way you may be able to step closer to that, I hope you can find it 💜

Due to so many restrictions within the forums and differences of opinion on the Guidelines I can’t be open, honest or myself on the forums @Jynx

@all the recent changes with the forums and who is around for PSW support, feel like there’s almost no one on the forums to talk to or to reach out for support

I can understand that things feel really uncertain @Flutterbug9 and I know that the changes have been difficult for many members. We definitely don't want anyone to feel like they can't be themselves though, I'm sorry you have been feeling this way.

The forums have always been a space primarily for peer-to-peer support, with the focus being more on community and peer relations over one-to-one support from staff. There are still PSWs here, we are still here to support you, and we also want to encourage members to seek connections with other members for support as well.

It’s impossible to feel safe on the forums to be fully open and by myself @Jynx due to never knowing when some part of a post will be deemed by a mod as not meeting guidelines

I Understand the aspect of peer to peer support. It’s not possible to help and support one’s peers when one’s own cup is empty and no PSW on the forums to help and support that person whose cup is bone dry

I'm hearing you @Flutterbug9 . I too don't volunteer how I am, and stay vague when asked. But at the same time sometimes wish some people knew, even if they can't do anything about it - just to have solidarity perhaps. I realise I didn't even tell my pdoc how things have been the past 2 weeks - because they didn't ask - but I wish they did.

When I read that someone has physical pain (especially chronic, but also non-chronic) I tend to assume that it might be impacting their mental health too. When someone who usually will say if their week has been good doesn't comment on how their week has been, I tend to assume it might be a sign that it hasn't been good/well (but also that they might not want to talk about it openly). I guess I try to look for what isn't said as well as what is said.

I'm curious about the comment about things going sour & people you reach out to leaving. Can I ask what's happened?

I'm sorry I haven't been available much at all the past few months - but know its not a reflection on you; its just my life currently.