My silent battles

Posts about RSD and not being tagged are well overdue. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve posted requesting to be tagged/impact on me when not tagged.
majority of posts I didn’t go into fully details of impact on my nervous system. I chose wordings along the line of “feeling left out” ….”unable to keep up to date”.

ive reached a point where I know I can’t continue making impact sound minor, ive been doing that for x weeks too long @Jynx

it wasn’t easy to type the posts and did feel guilty. Guilt about not considering other people’s feelings. Know I’m allowed to and need to put myself and my feelings first. Not easy when subconscious still brings into my mind memories of being told about other people’s feelings.

Feeling like a part of me has slowly been getting eroded away until there is almost nothing left. Almost nothing left to help me throw everything off. Saddens me to say, impact of it happening for weeks has shaken my trust and has left me deciding to take time for me away from the forums. Got the notification from your post and thought be best to respond and bring things into the air.

ive updating my settings now so no more notifications and am going MIA

@Flutterbug9 sending you lots of love and hugs. Take care of yourself sweetheart, it's always been such a pleasure to chat to you ❤️.

I'm hearing you @Flutterbug9 - I think you have been very considerate of others' feelings, but... perhaps to the point of downplaying your own. We can know something logically but still struggle to feel it emotionally.

I hope that taking a break allows you to refocus on yourself, your needs, and your recovery. I'm glad you are putting yourself first, and if you decide to return, we'll be happy to have you back.

Take care of your wonderful self, and may your path lead where you're needing to go - for you 💜

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@MissGremlin wrote:

Thankyou @Flutterbug9 sweet.

I understand the feeling of not being tagged and how much it hurts (i have rsd). I've mostly stopped tagging people within my thread as I know my posts can be triggering to others and if I don't get a response from someone that does get tagged then it can leave that open for feelings of rejection.

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I feel the same way about whenever I post a comment/response on a chat or thread in an online community platform including in this forum, and I see that other users got reactions/likes on their posts (especially when these posts are in response to my posts/comments) whereas my posts/comments don't receive any reactions/likes on my posts by some of those same people, it gets me irritated and quite triggered, and at times it does get me to the point where I think things like 'am I saying something wrong', 'do people not like me' & I feel that I'm being the odd one out or an outsider @MissGremlin

That being said, I also do get RSD in other situations that involve people in it as well.

I do understand @Blackcloud my sweet. I know i struggle to reply to long posts sometimes which is why I often don't reply to some posts until I have the capacity to do so even though I'll reply to short posts before I get to them. I'm also not as active as I used to be on here so at times I don't see posts for ages and by then others have replied so I often don't have anything else to add so I'll just support the post. But it's not cos anyone has said something wrong or that I'm not interested in talking to them, it's just my own capacity to be able to respond long posts.

Hugs sweetheart ❤️

@MissGremlin yeah same, I'm not also as active on here as I used to be but that's mainly cause I'm now busy being a student doing assignments, meaning I won't need to worry or care much about having to be chronically online which would make me worse ❤️ and distractions are good for our mental health 🌿🌻

even though I don't have much hope that things career-and-networking-wise will get better for me, the good thing right now is that I'm able to be busy being a student studying and doing assignments

and i've already started doing the cert IV of mental health peer work this week 👍🏼

@Blackcloud being online alot can definitely take a toll on one's mental health. I'm glad you've got things to keep you busy sweet and well done on starting the cert IV of mental health peer work, I hope you enjoy it ☺️.

I know you don't have much hope sweetheart but I'm holding that hope for you and i believe that things will get better for you ❤️

Thinking of you @Flutterbug9 . Hope you are okay. I'm sensing that things are hard at the moment. Please know that we care.

Thank you @MissGremlin my friend ❤️❤️❤️🫂

@Flutterbug9 finally up to posts from 20 March lol !! But i am taking things slow with breaks, so it might take me post-by-post replies 🥰 and then i refer back to my emails to see where i got up to 😅 when i return online lol.

"Counted cross stitch" -- this makes a lot of sense! Thank you for explaining 🥰. In this case, I have only done counted cross stitches, but i have seen some where there was an undernear pattern printed (i did a long-stitch like that as a child, made it much easier 🤩). I think i would find it much easier having the pattern printed, especially for such a large one as the one i have in-progress but not touched for nearly a year now (basically untouched since i had a severe deterioration mid last year).

Most things i have on my schedule currently are "must do" 😢 and very very little optional things. Although not all the "must do" are negative - for example my physically pain management appointments are a positive because they relieve pain build up and prevent it building up as fast (when they are regular and not delayed appointments). And of course talking to my counsellor is in that category too. So they are both "essential" but also positives.