Just need some friends

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@papermoon wrote:

Oh thanks @Honeymoon but to clarify I meant that I find it repulsive that I’m a person who transfers my hurt onto others.

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Yeah, our brains like to tell us to be repulsed. Yet your feelings are valid. It is not about transferring hurt. Rather, I wonder if it's about sharing what's going on for you as a way to see insight? This may be the way of recovery.

I hear you are hurting. @papermoon

Thank you very much for your gentle compassion.

I just love/d my ex so much, I adored her and we had a loving relationship and I kept those demons away. She was full of such light, love and innocence, full of angels. And I just wanted to protect her, protect her from all the bad things in the world but then I became one.

Phew.

how are things for you @Honeymoon ?

you are most welcome @papermoon

That love and care you had for her says a lot about you as a person too.

As for me, I am a little tired but doing well, it's kind of you to ask!

@tyme

i think really it’s a frustration around toxic positivity. When I’m at my lowest and somebody is giving me generic positivity, there’s an anger that comes into me, I become protective of my right to be hurt, depressed and in a dark place. I guess it feels dismissive and invalidating but also this pain like I don’t really belong to this world as the people who I think I forge deep connections with are quite basic and not prepared to go there. Sometimes my trauma triggers their trauma and that’s when things really get ugly. I have ADHD and PTSD which doesn’t help things either. There’s emotional dysregulation and impulsivity, usually followed by deep remorse and self loathing.

I think with depression if you’re at rock bottom not a lot of people can meet you there. They need to feel like their advice is helping or being received. And let’s face it, people want to surround themselves in positivity, with positive people and things. You’ve really got to get to a point where you have even the faintest bit of resolve, or ability to spin some of your suffering into a positive mindset in order for people to come back onboard and networking and growth to happen.

Until then, professional support and counselling is the way to go. You must have some form of human connection, it’s vital, and this is it. Leave your interpersonal relationships out of it, it’s way too volatile and risky. And when you hurt them, or they abandon you, extra layers of grief are added.

Absolutely hearing you @papermoon

I totally get what you mean by people not being able to meet someone who's a rock bottom. Often, I think it's not because they don't want to, but because they don't know how - and I get that.

However, that toxic positvity can be so enraging. I totally get that too! I'm hearing you.

I don't know much about what's happened for you, but I hear the grief around losing your loved one. It sounds incredibly hard.

Do you have a professional you can talk to about how you are feeling?

@tyme I have no money so I am restricted to what I can access for free- as I’m a full time tafe student I have utilised the 3 free counselling sessions, and I use the help lines in times of deep distress/crisis. I have seen my GP and have a referral for some one on one CBT. I have done extensive CBT, but only online and in a group. It’s really about consolidating what I’ve learned and also having that safe human space/connection.

As I’m ADHD/PTSD I’ve had a bit of trouble with the various therapies I’ve done as they work off a neurotypical sequence of: think, feel, act.
but often with me I’m feeling before I’m thinking anything, there’s no coherent mental thought that triggers the feeling. So in that way you can’t tackle the unhelpful thinking. So in this way the therapies are limiting or at the very least, maladjusted to my needs.

i am interested in some holistic alternatives but these are not recognised in a mental health care plan for rebates and costly.

You may want to check this out https://www.mindspot.org.au/

@papermoon

I'm how limited your options are right now.

@tyme
Thanks I appreciate you trying to help.

I'm moving away from digital tools completely and trying to focus on the heart/energy and emotion rather than thought/thinking patterns/psychology.

Totally okay @papermoon

I look forward to hearing how things go for you. Spirituality is so important.

Hope you are travelling okay.

Hi,

I am 41M with autism level 1, depression from time to time and I think a misdiagnosis of schizophrenia.

I am also looking for friends too. I have one friend I found on the Boo chat program that is like a psychologist for me and we have plenty of long conversations. I can write long messages at times.

I would like to find a girlfriend one day but have found that too difficult. Anyway I am slowly working towards being a private music teacher and possibly art tutor too.

Regards,

Argyle