Heartathome

@moderator I think this one is okay to post without a trigger warning but I'm not sure. Thank you for helping me with my poems! 💛

I wrote this after seeing my perpetrator at my nan's funeral. He was scared but I felt it wasn't the right time to confront him. I was blessed to be a part of the investigation and arrest of him years later.

NO SYMPATHY HERE

I told you I forgive you

Because I couldn't stand your shame

I released you from your guilt that day

While all the while I was in pain

Did I forgive too easily?

I don't know what it means

God's forgiveness is different to mine

He is much more keen

You will be held accountable

Of that, you can be sure

You'll meet my God to answer Him

And my pain will be no more

I can't forget while in this world

The pain won't disappear

Sadness I live with everyday

As well as hurt and fear

The guilt you feel is fine by me

I hope it's very clear

I hope you squirm and pace at night

You'll get no pity here

I'll leave you to God; he'll take revenge

Cause He was there with me

He's as angry as I am now

Though with different eyes, He sees

I have control and see your fear

At last, I feel empowered

I haven't any respect for you

You're nothing but a coward

The guilt and shame eat you away

And I really don't care less

I know you've lost your family

And I'm glad your life's a mess

You deserve the pain you've got

You did it to yourself

You will never hurt me again

Cause I'm seeking something else

My anger is not about forgiving you

It's a reaction to abuse

Letting God now deal with you

Doesn't mean a truce

I know now when someone cares

And it's not like what you gave

You were a counterfeit of that word, love

Of no more am I a slave

I walk ahead, each step by faith

It may be tough and slow

But trusting God has brought me here

Safe at last to grow

April 2000

@REDLINEZ750 💛

THE 70's

Demonstrations, feminism

Turbulence and war

Woman and housewives

wanting something more

Politics, bye bye Gough

Walking on the moon

Vietnam, Watergate

Jesus coming soon

Disco's and afro's

Halter tops and flares

Platform shoes and paisley

Lectures and stares

Marijuana, mushie's

Freedom, love and peace

Confusion, rebellion

Trouble with police

Image and parenting

A picket fence and wife

Tree hugging hiippie's

A different kind of life

Dr Spock said it all

All about us kids

Then he took it back again

At least he made a quid

Laminating, vinal

Bleach, colour TV's

Copper tubs and music

Albums and LP's

Rolling Stones and Abba

The Ted Mulray Gang

Hendrix and Skyhooks

Karen Carpenter sang

Gilligan and the skipper

Lassie, Rin Tin Tin

The Brady Bunch, Homicide

The Beatles and the king

Cults and religions

Manson and Jim Jones

Sharen Tate, wasted lives

Billy Graham groans

Mini skirts, knee high boots

Countdown, satin pants

Woman and equality

Time to take a chance

Men and their long hair

Bandanas round their heads

The classic Ford and Holden fight

Hiding in the shed

Outside, in the dirt

Finding things that move

Grazed knee, wet and tired

Mother left to soothe

Lady like, climbing trees

Hanging upside down

Playground and equipment

Spinning round and round

The 70's -- dig it, be cool

Drive in's, far out man

Dr Who and Star Wars

V dubs and panel vans

I remember the 70's

Rebellious, freedom, fun

The best and worst time I had

When all's been said and done!

1995

Here's another one @moderator I'm not sure about this one! I'm sorry. I don't know how to put up a trigger warning.

Again, this is one that I wrote when I first started therapy 25 years ago. 💛

TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ABUSE

I wrote a poem about the flood two years on and read it at the anniversary. @moderator

TRIGGER WARNING: FLOOD TRIGGER WARNING: FLOOD

Two Years On

Survivors of the apocalyptic flood

None of us are the same

You can call us resilient

Because so much has changed

We've been through the horror

And come out the other side

I can't leave anyone behind

As many dreams have died

It's a new chapter with sadness and joy

Two years further on

Many will never return

Wondering where they belong

Many homes sit still

Destroyed beyond repair

I want them to know that they matter

And that I still care

Some are okay, some are well

While others still cling to hope

Each on their own journeys

Learning on the way to cope

The community is rising

Like a Phoenix from the mud

Their fighting spirit comes through

Because it's in their blood

We continue to move forward

I love a new start

There's a new song I sing now

A song from my heart

Bravo neighbours

Now much bigger than my street

We'll always have a bond

Not knowing the word defeat!

2024

ANGUISH OF LONLINESS

Affirmations, encouragement

Words of love and praise

Loneliness, unlovable

Tears and tired days

Physical touch, affection

Touch and tenderness

Lonely and unwanted

Fears demanding less

Quality time, listening

Wanting to be with me

Alone and feeling worthless

An isolating plea

These are what I crave

It makes no difference though

It's up to me to fill the void

But how, I don't know

Acts of service, anything

Help me with my son

Loneliness, inadequate

I know no sense of fun

Gifts, a single flower

Meaningful and free

So alone, strings attached

What do you want from me?

Empty, hollow, screaming pain

Nothing fills this need

Lonely, detached and afraid

A heart that's prone to bleed

No more pain and loneliness

Please stop this awful ride

Life is nothing more to me

than sadness, hurt and lies

I've had enough of this life

Living with myself

My thoughts and feelings are honestly

detrimental to my health

Do I actually want this pain?

Does it serve me well?

I'm so confused, don't understand

Why I'd want this hell

Is there nothing that can help?

Is this my lot in life?

For my thoughts to torture me

While emotions lead to strife

I can't stand this anymore

But what else can I do?

I won't go back, I can't stay still

Ahead I must go through

I don't know but I can guess

It is the grace of God

Even though I feel this way

Day by day I plod

Surely someone else has felt

Much the same as me

From this anguish I only hope

One day I will be free

July 2000

Thankyou for tagging me here @heartathome. I will have a read through once I get to lay in bed tonight.

I'm worried that my page will be triggering, especially at night by yourself @MissGremlin and I'll be asleep and won't be able to support you! 😟 I know you're a strong woman but you're also very vulnerable at the moment! I don't really think it's a great idea to read my poems without support being around. Could you please talk to me tomorrow if you decide to read them? Just to make sure that you're okay. I hope you get some sleep tonight without the nightmares and panic attacks! 💜

@heartathome i very rarely get triggered by things on here but should I find anything affecting me I'll stop reading and reach out for support if i need to. I'll definitely check in with you to let you know that I'm ok sweet. Thankyou beautiful ❤️.