Heartathome

Hello sweet @heartathome I've read through all you've shared here, they are so honest and raw and some bring me hope. Only one really hit me hard (8th January) cos I related to it so much, but don't worry I'm ok, I just know the feelings all too well and the things we seek because the trauma we've been through. Thankyou for allowing me to be a part of your journey by sharing your poetry with me, i truly feel so privileged.

You've come such a long way and you should be so proud of yourself, I know I'm proud of you. Sending you lots of love and hugs, keep being your wonderful self ❤️.

Oh, thank you @MissGremlin It's my pleasure to have you here! Thanks for your interest and getting back to me to let me know you're okay! I'm glad you weren't triggered too bad but could relate! I forgot about my conversations with Redline! So, now you may have more of an idea of what's going on in my life at the moment.

Trauma bonding is a psychological attachment that forms when someone who hurts you (incest for me) also gives moments of care, attention, or relief, causing the brain to link pain with connection. This can make abuse feel confusingly like love, loyalty, or safety, even when it's harming you. I know (in my head) trauma bonding is not love although it sure feels like it!

This obviously still affects me today! 💜

@heartathome i went to reply to your post after making a cuppa but it's disappeared.

Hey @MissGremlin The moderators must have not liked what I had to say. 😉 No worries! I know what they're getting at. Enjoy your cuppa and I'll talk to you later. 💜

@heartathome well I didn't see anything wrong in it when I read it, but anyway know that I did read it and I do understand about the trauma bonding.

I hope you have a lovely day beautiful ❤️.

This is my experience of DV. It comes from a women's perspective with an abusive husband. It also happens around the other way. Men are abused too! It was never physical but verbally (threats of violence), mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The group he attended was great, but when they wanted him to look back into his past, he gave up. Our marriage went downhill very quickly after that! 💜

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

I'm almost scared to be this happy

I wait for it to burst

Volcano's cease and calm preside

Are we through the worst?

So much conflict in the past

A lot of hope ahead

I'm finally not all to blame

I like where we've been led

A nasty wheel of life we've seen

The violence can stop here

Conflict is a natural thing

Without consuming fear

Domestic Violence, it is named

Physical it can be

Though what's involved is much more

I'm now beginning to see

Abuse will take on many forms

The battering is the same

No self-worth is what is left

From this controlling game

It's all about power and control

A belief given to man

In any way that they seem fit

They do it because they can

Society tells them it's okay

They are the head of us

We're fine because it is the norm

Why make a lot of fuss?

Well, I'll tell you now, it's not okay

Accepted it has been

It hides itself in many ways

To explore it, I am keen

Admitting it is one huge step

Then things can slowly change

For men, I guess, it must be hard

New ways that seem so strange

This is bigger than I thought

A challenge of their worth

A belief system that's so engrained

A new one we want birthed

It's not easy what I'm asking

But it's better not to run

Because I've challenged my own beliefs

I know it can be done

I am changing and growing too

Though this you cannot see

To support you while you heal and grow

Means pain at times for me

The M.E.N.D (men exploring new direction) group you are doing now

Is helping more than me

It is for you, our children too

For a future equality

Keep on going, fresh hope it lives

Embrace this new belief

The new ways you are learning there

Bring joy instead of grief

I anticipate what's ahead

So far it hasn't come

Not all have seen the change I have

But it is that way for some

Men exploring new direction

It started with a few

It must continue for our sake

The future lies with you

Society - this means you and me

We all have a part

To change the patterns that can break

More than a women's heart!

Sept 1996

@REDLINEZ750

Weakness

Tender and sensual

A longing embrace

Safe in his arms

At a slower pace

I want to be loved

I crave to be touched

Underpinned sadness

At times, too much

Too sad to meet

I must stay away

Too tired to give

I don't want to play

I push you away

I isolate

I am alone

I form my fate

I see without power

I cry for relief

Much sadness inside

I fear the grief

Emotional oceans

Eyes say a lot

A storm to be weathered

When will it stop?

I'm tired of struggling

I just want to d*e

My child needs my love

And I can't even try

I'm not getting rescued

I am on my own

What could have been

If only I'd known

I must continue

I must press on

If I stop

All is gone

1990's

@REDLINEZ750

Please Accept Me Mum

Please love me mum 'cause I love you

I promise I'll be good

I won't be any more trouble for you

I'll do just what I should

I won't talk too much and embarrass you

I'll smile and be polite

Although I try to make you proud

I just can't get it right

I'm sorry mum, I let you down

Alone I ought to be

I always seem to upset you

Something's wrong with me

Why am I so unlovable?

I tried my best for so long

No more mum, I give up

'Cause constantly I'm wrong

No more anger, show your best

We must always think of others

If I could just be well behaved

I'm sure I'd please my mother

I wish I could have talked to you

To tell you how I felt

You gave me answers you thought best

They left emotional welts

I couldn't do it right, you know

No matter how hard I tried

I only wanted your acceptance

Instead, you criticised

You did your best, I know you did

But that doesn't help me now

Mum, I think I hate myself

Did you teach me how?

I'm a failure and disappointed you

Of that I am sure

No matter what I did for you

You always wanted more

I wish I could be someone else

Or just not here with me

Accepted, loved and then embraced

One day I long to be

March 2000

@REDLINEZ750

@heartathome oh sweet, that one hits me hard. It's exactly how I felt and still feel.

Hugs to you sweet, thankyou for sharing ❤️

Hello @heartathome, We read your post your earlier today. We can hear that you are processing difficult emotions and things can sometimes be challenging. We encourage you to continue engaging with forum members to get support from your peers.

We also want to make a friendly check in to ask whether you are currently safe. Have you been experiencing thoughts about harming yourself in a specific way, or have you had any plans or a timeline in mind? You are not required to share details publicly, but understanding whether there is immediate risk can help ensure appropriate support is offered.

If you are feeling unsafe or overwhelmed, we strongly encourage you to seek immediate support from trained professionals. If you are in Australia, the following confidential services are available 24/7:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or text 0477 13 11 14
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467

If you believe you are in immediate danger, please contact 000 right away.

You deserve support, and help is available even if reaching out feels difficult. If you are able, please consider contacting one of the services above or letting us know if you need assistance finding appropriate support.

Kind regards,
SANE Forum Moderator