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such a failure :(

Unknown userMember09 Mar 2017, 9:09 pm AEDT

such a failure :(

im such a failure in this life...

im never good at anything, im stupid, i stuff everything up and i screw up everyone elses life. i think that peoples lives would be better off without me and their lives would be alot easier

my mum hates me, my sisters hate me, i have no friends, i get in trouble for going out, i get in trouble for staying home, im failing as a carer, what am i doing wrong?

i dont even know who i am anymore and i deserve every bad aspect of life, im just a horrible person

116 replies

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In response to: such a failure :(

Unknown userMember10 Mar 2017, 5:32 pm AEDT

Re: such a failure :(

hi @Faith-and-Hope

well i didnt expect that much of an answer but i sure do appreciate it. everything you said does makes sense.

im the one with all the responsibilities in the house so my mother should ahve been able to cope with the transition. i cook clean, care for my sister and do everythign that a mum should do and have been doing for a long time.

i think ive been through enough experiences in life and still recovering from (PTSD- a dog attack, GAD, depression, sexual abuse, SH, Sl,caring duties, social phobia, health anxiety, personal health issues) but im still failing at every aspect. Why cant i get anything right?

yes i have my gp, suicidal prevention program counsellor, psychiatrist and psychologist.

i get in trouble for going out already and then they contradict themselves by saying i never go out but i havent heard that one in a while. they say im just wasting money away on my appointments that im going to and that i should just grow up and that i should just get over everything.

In response to: such a failure :(

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor10 Mar 2017, 5:47 pm AEDT

Re: such a failure :(

I hear you @Former-Member, but just the way that you are explaining it here tells us that you are growing up, and you are prioritising what you need, and you also know that life doesn't stay the same, so other factors will emerge that cause a reshuffle too ...,

Rather than considering that you are failing at everything, it seems to me more a case that you are over-committed .... not through any fault of your own .... and often unable to acchieve it all .... but that is not the same as failing ....

It means that you are achieving. If you break it down into baby steps, and give a ✅ for each baby step that is taken, you will begin to see that ....

From there, perhaps you need to work out ways to take shortcuts, or scale back what it is that you are expected to do, so that your to-do list for the day matches your available time and energy better than it does at the moment.

It might be others around you who are loading your to-do list, but you might also have grown up with a sense of guilt that drives you to high expectations of yourself as well ..... try to have a good look at that and work out how to pull it all back to a reasonable level of expectation, and then stick to it ..... recognising that boundary will help you to be able to hold it up to your family, and say - this is all I can manage, so others will need to step uo to help too, or some things I have been doing will have to wait until I am on holidays from schook / uni .

In response to: Re: such a failure :(

Unknown userMember10 Mar 2017, 6:03 pm AEDT

Re: such a failure :(

@Faith-and-Hope

i never see it as aover commiting so thanks for putting that perspective out there..i cant really help that i over commit though. i just dont want anything bad to to happen to anyone else and i guess a way that i cope and probably not the right way is to be over protective.

ive tied to talk to them that im struggling and that it would be nice to have a break and the response i got was i didnt make you study, and WE (me, mum, sisters and boyfriend) do get time away we are going on holidays in a few weeks. i said yeah but id like to get a little bit of time to myself even just an hour. their response was you get time to yourself through the day when we are at work and school but i work through the days as well and that hour or so that i do get thats quiet i try to get a bit of study done.

even when im at home just trying to relax im constantly being intrrupted to do something else whether it be getting the kids ready for school the next day. when im on the computer they constantly walk past to see what im doing and then when i turn the brightness down i get in trouble and they yell at me and say "why do you keep turning the brightness setting down). i often turn the computer down as the course that im doing has things that kids shouldnt see and wouldnt understand etc etc and its the only time i get some sort of private time

In response to: Re: such a failure :(

Zoe7Senior Contributor10 Mar 2017, 6:07 pm AEDT

Re: such a failure :(

@Former-Member I am so pleased that @Faith-and-Hope has been helping you here - I told you she is awesome!!!!

In response to: such a failure :(

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor10 Mar 2017, 6:08 pm AEDT

Re: such a failure :(

@Former-Member

I hope chatting with us here helps you to see that none of that makes you a bad person .... they are just differences in ideas. If you remind yourself that they are entitled to their own ideas, but you dont have to agree with them, it may help you to find a bit of heartspace from it all.

In response to: Re: such a failure :(

SGde3aSenior Contributor10 Mar 2017, 6:30 pm AEDT

Re: such a failure :(

@Former-Member, are you the youngest in your family by any chance? There is a social phenomena that happens in a lot of families where the youngest cops a lot from the rest of the family particularly when there is a strict overcontrolling nature throughout the family. The other siblings think "well at least i'm not as bad as ____ so I can feel good about myself", and they must then continuously try to undermine you so they can feel good. The mother/father can also undermine the youngests' confidence in themselves so that they can continue to be a mother/father as a source of lifelong pride. IE by being over-cautious, fearful of everything they do, no confidence in them, never happy/satisfied... then being the hero.

Sometimes overbickering/criticality can be caused by tv shows, bosses at work, the type of work done where you need to be precise then bringing that home... there's lots of causes.

In response to: Re: such a failure :(

Unknown userMember10 Mar 2017, 6:38 pm AEDT

Re: such a failure :(

@Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7

yes thank you to both of you. you have both been a great help and are awesome!

@SGde3a

no im actaully the eldest. my two younger sisters dont get treated like this at all. my family are sooo supportive and think the world of them and get everyhting served on a gold platter.

In response to: such a failure :(

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor10 Mar 2017, 6:53 pm AEDT

Re: such a failure :(

Thank you for your lovely words @Zoe7 .... I hope some of those suggestions feel right to you @Former-Member and help you feel a bit better about the load you are carrying ....

Yes, sometimes it's the eldest that cops the worst criticisms because when they are first born, the parents are trying to be perfect in the way they are raising them, but then other siblings come along and they want the eldest to hold their place amongst the new busyness ..,, as the example for the younger ones to follow .... but then by the time the younger ones are coming through, all the rules have started to relax a bit more .....

Yes, there can also be the problem of the parents then trying to hold onto the "baby" and not let them go ..... afraid of the "empty nest" perhaps .....

In response to: Re: such a failure :(

Unknown userMember10 Mar 2017, 6:57 pm AEDT

Re: such a failure :(

yeah @Faith-and-Hope

i guess i can work with some of things hopefully.

im not leaving the nest as such thats what i dont get though. im still right here. i live with her until she finds her own place and then ill be staying here with my pop and she has agreed to it etc etc. its probably the only conversation i was able to get out of her and for her to actually listen to me.

yeah as soon as my middle sister came along things died down a fair bit but i guess my experiences have stopped me from being a 'normal' sister and they hate me everyday for it

In response to: such a failure :(

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor10 Mar 2017, 7:58 pm AEDT

Re: such a failure :(

Life has a funny way of teaching us about compassion sometimes .... I hope they learn the easy way from you, rather than harder ones out in the adult streams of life, but you can only do what you can do .....

Number one rule of the carer is to look after yourself ..... if you don't, you lose your caring capacity to burnout, which is probably some of what you are feeling. Don't ever feel selfish about prioritising yourself as much as anybody else .... it's really important to care for the carer, and if nobody else is doing that for you, then you have to .....

Take care .... and we will be here whenever you need to vent.

🌷💜

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