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Something’s not right

such a failure :(

Unknown userMember

such a failure :(

im such a failure in this life...

im never good at anything, im stupid, i stuff everything up and i screw up everyone elses life. i think that peoples lives would be better off without me and their lives would be alot easier

my mum hates me, my sisters hate me, i have no friends, i get in trouble for going out, i get in trouble for staying home, im failing as a carer, what am i doing wrong?

i dont even know who i am anymore and i deserve every bad aspect of life, im just a horrible person

116 replies

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In response to: such a failure :(

Unknown userMember

Re: such a failure :(

My sister was in abig of a grumpy mood this morning and made my anxiety worse and havent been able to calm it down yet. Im trying to stay busy as im close to engaging in SH again 😞

In response to: such a failure :(

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: such a failure :(

Alive is alive @Former-Member and that is something that I am slowly starting to not only accept but I can aslo see some light in my life. My wish for you is that you one day will see some light too.

Each day is a struggle but having something that you have to do each day does help the time pass - and you do 'think' a little less each time.

You have a lot on today which is great - distractions that take you away from your negative thoughts really do help.

I am with @Former-Member on the horse front. I am what you call 'the black sheep' in our family. They have all been involved with horses - my grandfather trained and drove pacers and now so does my dad. My sister and mother have also been heavily involved. ...but me - would rather admire them from afar for the majestic creatures they are and not get too close. I am not as scared of them now as I was as a kid - but I still will only go close when they come to the fence.

In response to: such a failure :(

Unknown userMember

Re: such a failure :(

Well then yes @Zoe i am what you call alive the.
Despite being busy i still have many negative thoughts to the point today i was throwing up earlier.
Yeah horses arent everyones thing

In response to: Re: such a failure :(

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: such a failure :(

Oh @Former-Member - I know how that goes... sorry that you are feeling so deeply that it is having that effect on you physically - it is not a nice place to be at all. Do you have time today to bake some cookies and maybe bring them to Friday Feast tonight - anything with chocolate in them would be my preference (and I suspect many others - you better make a few batches!!!!!!!)

If you want to vent about your thoughts or anything else I will be around for a little longer to listen.

In response to: such a failure :(

Unknown userMember

Re: such a failure :(

No i dont think i have tome today. Im not really in the mood for it 😞

Im just thinking about everything. Everytime i think there could be something wrong with my sisters i throw up. Anytime someone meantions being sick or theres something wrong with them i throw up.
I cant think properly today and im not really coping that much and my object that i use for SH is calling me and its very loud. I dont really want to live today. I hate being here and if i could skip all of this crap then I would.
Im just over it and im sick of being sick.

In response to: Re: such a failure :(

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: such a failure :(

Do you still have that list of places to contact that @NikNik gave you last night @Former-Member. Please use them - it is really important to me that you stay safe.

It is horrible being sick and not being able to see the other side - but there is another side - it might take time for you to see this and to get there but I am going to keep reassuring you that you can.

In response to: such a failure :(

Unknown userMember

Re: such a failure :(

Yes ive got them . Im just sick of using them .
All i see is a big black hole thats sucking me in like a vacuum @Zoe7

In response to: Re: such a failure :(

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: such a failure :(

Don't worry about seeking help where you can @Former-Member That is what they are there for and I am still here listening.

It is so hard to stop being sucked into that hole - especially when you are feeling like this

There is light in that hole somewhere - we just need to find the window to open to let it shine.

Tell me a little more about your love for horses.

In response to: such a failure :(

Unknown userMember

Re: such a failure :(

I know thats what they are there for. They are prob sick of me by now and think i should be able to do something about my anxiety and the rest by now.
I dont think the windows will ever open. Im pretty sure they are shut and superglued down. Im not hopeful anymore.
Im very ready to just shut down

In response to: such a failure :(

Unknown userMember

Re: such a failure :(

@Zoe7
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