~ Toolshed 2: Power Tools for Recovery ~

@Taali I'm no good with tech so when it comes to fixing things its all panic stations. Just glad my phone is working now.

Yeah I hit panic mode and begin to sweat and shake uncontrollably

So I tend not to try

@SmilingGecko

@Cuddlebear

i'm hearing you loud and clear. My trauma repressed trauma exploded 30 years ago a major psychosis. i had suffered from mental illness all my life but had no idea. All hell broke loose then. In my pit for near 7 years longing to die, hating waking up, not knowing what to do with myself.

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For me the first break came going of the psych meds to have E.C.T treatment done. This was the first major break through. For being highly sensitive and suffering years long trauma as a small child turned me into an empath, so psych meds did the opposite they were supposed to do. The E.C.T treatment broke the always dark and lifted me out of my worst state. Also good (somatic) counselling has made a world of difference how i go to work with myself in state.

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Alternative medicines, supplements, and now T.M.S treatment have been helping. At least the T.M.S silenced the rage, that is wonderful, and it also put a massive dent into my anxiety. However depression can still take me deep as.

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Do not give up hope my friend. Things can move from where you are. A dark place where you must be. Have you got any meaningful supports? For at the time i did. That was invaluable.

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@Meowmy @TAB @StuF @Taali @Bunniekins @SmilingGecko @MissGremlin @AuntGlow @Dimity @Chasingsunsets @heartathome @Realness @Appleblossom

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The Long Return

I wandered the long shadows of my night,

where fear disguised the darkness as my light.

Down, rejected, doomed, condemned within,

I fought the lies defining me so I could not win.

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The voices came with cruellest disguise,

and dressed old wounds as sacred cries.

They swore all hope had reached its end,

yet wore the face of a trusted friend.

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I fought the dark, I feared the heavy breath,

and often walked the road leading to death.

Darkest thoughts promised peace and rest,

while leading me far from a life once blessed.

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For violent storms blinded me to see

the strength that lived and carried me.

Through every state and shattered part,

something guarded my deeply wounded heart.

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Then slowly through the passing years,

buried under the sorrow, rage, and fears,

I gathered up the person sore and torn,

and held the one I thought was left forlorn.

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Far from perfect now, nor free from pain,

for clouds still gather and storms remain.

Yet true self hood has come back to stay;

the coldest darkness no longer rules my day.

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I found the self I knew but could not find,

as clarity returned to my quieted mind.

My identity no longer hidden, lost, undone,

I am moving toward a rising sun.

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And now when I look through all the years,

through countless labours and countless tears,

one truth remains through all I’ve known:

My life is mine— I have come home.

@Cuddlebear @Meowmy @TAB @StuF @Taali @Bunniekins @SmilingGecko @MissGremlin @AuntGlow @Dimity @Chasingsunsets @heartathome @Realness @Appleblossom

Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us here.

It must have been quite hard going and also incredibly frustrating to be through that all sounds so difficult.

And thank you for your poignant words.

@Taali

Yay! I've missed your gorgeous messages.

I love them and share with those people I think will appreciate them as much as me!

I'd order a pizza 🍕 but then I'm a lazybones (not to mention going broke)

Thank you for sharing here @DownMoreThanUp

@DownMoreThanUp hey hunny thank you for including me in your affirmations. i always look forward to reading them. hope you are well. love bunniexx