~ Toolshed 2: Power Tools for Recovery ~

@Mustang67 but how do you stop caring what people think? What is done to build up that strenght?

@Mustang67 its a very powerful idea that I'm missing an older version of myself rather than the person. I think a lot of the grief I feel for the ending of toxic relationships is actually grief for my own identity. Which has been a more empowering way of looking at things, as my own identity has more potential to be in my control than other people do.

I think the question still remains though, how to work through identity grief? I've tried focusing on healing my identity but I've hit a brick wall with that work. I don't know if my identity just needs a break from work or if I have to accept the loss of who I used to be.

@TAB I hear you on the "post and walk away" theory. And I am just as guilty of not acknowledging posts. I haven't been active on the forum for a few days now and have over 1000 email messages from Sane because ever since I was allowed back on after a ban the email settings have changed. It's frankly overwhelming so I have mass deleted a whole bunch of emails and not with the intention to upset anyone.

Hope you're doing okay

@Mustang67 I love your posts and may be late to reply over the next few weeks but please keep me on the list. Thanks lovely xoxo

Hey @ENKELI yeah backlog is myeh,time consuming at best

yeah getting free govt root canal did clean and abs today, 2more trips ..Free .. lol well max$270 out ofpocket for '000s then do the balance on extras so nearlyfree

I love them all @DownMoreThanUp as they are all so true.

Good morning @MissGremlin I will be doing the 4th one today. Focusing on what I love, which at the moment is all the crystals I have been buying. So I think I might start to read my crystal book, to get an idea of exactly what I need to do with them. Lol

Morning @Mustang67, doing the 4th one today sounds perfect. Hope you enjoy reading about your crystals and have a lovely day ❤️

---

@Ruby26 wrote:

@Mustang67 but how do you stop caring what people think? What is done to build up that strenght?

---

Good Morning @Ruby26 I am not 100% sure how I did this, but I think I realised that no one really knows my full story and the things that I have been through, so how could anyone possibly judge me or have an opinion of me, without knowing these details. So, in my mind, their opinion no longer mattered to me, as they didn't have all the facts when they made it. And I started to accept that I cannot control external judgments, so why worry about them.

It also helps when you start to realise that your opinions are worth being heard, just like anyone else's, and as long as those opinions fit within your personal values and boundaries, no one else has the right to judge your opinion. Perhaps choose to care only about the opinions of a trusted few rather than everyone.

It does take some practise, and sometimes some comments still hurt, but I seem to be able to shake those off a lot easier than I use to.

Good luck, I hope that you can finally get to this place as well. As it is so refreshing to the mind.

@Ruby26 I understand where you are coming from. I too feel that at times I have been grieving for the old me, that I use to be before my partner died. And you do also grieve when you have left a relationship, but I think when the relationship was toxic, like you said, it does turn the grief around to the person that you used to be before the abuse from that relationship.

I really have no answer, as it has been 24 years since my partner died and he was abusive, and I have never managed to work out how to get that bright and bubbly person back that I use to be. So, I have settled for continuing to grow and learn, and I am hoping that one day, when my self-confidence has fully return and I truly believe that I am "worth it", that I will feel safe enough to be the person who I used to be.

An from my experience, I don't think you ever truly go back to the person who you used to be, because things in you life have changed and you have hopefully learnt new things, so really with that in mind, how can you go back to who you used to be.

I asked Google and it said that it is a process of transitioning from who you were to who you are becoming, rather than trying to reclaim a past that no longer exists. And I think that's it, you don't exist as that person anymore.

I hope this all makes sense.

And even though this one talks about death, really it is very similar for a relationship.