disclosing very uncomfortable information

I think possibly the reason you have had such a devastating reaction is due to the separation, you spoke to someone via phone but in your mind you put it out to the world which will create fear of how any and everyone will react to you because there was no connection, just a voice like my troubles here, I think you need to find a safe reliable person in your life, if that's your gp, your psych, a friend, a family member, a pastor, someone as they are tangible they are real and identifiable.

Im not saying do it or not, I just think that you were hoping the detachment would help but it actually broadened the arc. I hope this isn't the wrong, bad or triggering thing to say.

Hi scared, please don't EVER deny yourself your RIGHT to a voice. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. Shame kills. Now your journey of healing has begun. It often does occur in quite brutal ways. Please be very gentle with yourself just now. And look after the little child inside of you, crouch down, look directly towards him or her and hold out your own loving arms of warmth and compassion. Smile. Give it a warm and very deserving HUG. Thank you for being so brave. And welcome fellow traveller...to life!

hi @Redraw

i dont really understand what you mean by the separation....? or broadening the arc??

hi @Jek

thank yo for your opinion. i am still very embarrassed and very ashamed of the event despite people telling me it wasnt my fault.

ive been through alot more than this unfortunatley i havent disclosed this one until now

The separation is the detachment which means you are telling someone but due to the anonymity it doesn't seem that way the person is a voice, has no substance like a recording, so while you are letting it out to someone they don't really exist, no face, no eyes, no body just sound. Broadening the arc is the result where by telling this voice the person behind it could of been anyone, everyone you see could be that person, also you can't be sure if it will only be that one person so you have a fear of exponential growth.

These are fears they are not likely senarios but an anxious, panicky mind will draw on all fears all worst case senarios, all paranoias

if this still doesn't make sense I am happy to try again

ok that makes a bit mroe sense @Redraw

thanks.

yeah i guess it could be like that but also the fear of what to do next though i dont want to pursue it any further