@Former-Member. I'm sorry that tonight is so hard for you.
Regardless of what the trigger may be, it is very important to keep yourself safe, until this moment passes. As it will.
There is a great thread called Comfort Box on the Forum, where members have listed things that they use to help them when their heads are full of negative self talk and they need to refocus on safer thoughts.
I useTV sometimes. But I will choose at these times, a comedy that I like or maybe a brain numbing, doesn't really matter if you miss half of it, show.
Sometimes I grab some scrap material and start hand sewing cushions for my three dogs. I'm a terrible sewer. So I really need to concentrate on not pricking myself. After 10 to 15 minutes of focusing on this task, I find that my thoughts are no longer focused on my 'danger zones' {those thoughts that cause me too much pain}.
Others like to cuddle up with their pets, or do some craft. Crosswords, puzzles. Something that takes a bit of focus - but isn't too hard.
Of course, you can keep posting on the forum and chat with me or others if that also helps.
Please do what you need to do to stay safe tonight.