I want to survive this and hear from other survivors like me

@Dimity i thought of u as unfortunately i've been using AI a lot for therapy - talking to it about my problems - i dont know how bad or good it is but i know there are risks. atm it's helping me until I get a case manager. I don't have access to therapy 😞

@Dimity when i read your post i could see how sensitive you are, concerned about the other who was in hospital - and all that carries. How did they handle it? I relate so much. I've "crashed out" (just learnt this term) at 2 support workers who i felt were ghosting me, and then we both apologised and repaired. I used to have no capacity for repair. I learnt about it when my own psychiatrist apologised to me - and said he regretted his words. I learnt that if he can repair, I can repair. i would go into such alarm if someone blocked me 😞 i am sorry they did that - it can be so triggering to be blocked

@EternalFlower I hope you can get help maybe through a MHCP next year

I really don't know how safe AI is for therapy. Someone I know says they use it to clarify their thoughts for academic writing.

I hope you feel safe here. I used to but have had some bad experiences lately. With one or two members that is. The peer workers and guides and members are usually lovely.

I'll try to squeeze in a walk before more rain.

Thanks @EternalFlower . Our messages crossed.

@Dimity funny that you just donated an hour ago - you did more than i did 😞 i just wrote a letter! But i'm glad i did write the letter - i got a handwritten reply saying its our feedback which adds meaning to their jobs or something and that they passed it on to the paramedic. I don't have a subscription to them - as a concession holder i use their services free.

I can hear the tension with this friend who blocked you - do u think they'll assume u knew and didn't do anything? That's one assumption but they could assume u didn't have space - or if you tell them - idk. I hope they understand. If someone doesn't understand and can't repair it can be also on their shoulders. Repair is a part of life . I'm reflecting on one friendship i had that ended because i was in hospital and it turns out they were having some crises and i was selfish in a way, not asking how they were. But I was in hospital and had no headspace. They didn't forgive me, and ended the friendship 😞 it still hurts a lot. I felt betrayed.

But i've had a few ppl stick by me and adapt to my needs as i adapted to theirs - everyone handles crises differently, some ppl get cagey and hide and don't talk to anyone - and i accept this from some friends - but still the act of ending a friendship for ever over different communication styles - feels so sharp and horrible 😞

I hope they don't block u. I had a very negative experience on the forums so left for a bit, but i've now thought about it logically and that isn't fair to me. Take the good with the bad. I've had some issues with sometimes feeling hurt about moderation. I am still a bit raw.

I hear you about differing communication styles @EternalFlower . They used to trip me up when I was still working.

It sounds as though you've been through a lot. Hope it's smoother sailing from here on.

Actually I think your thankyou letter was MUCH better than my donation. I hope they passed on the feedback to the good paramedic. Anyway my receipt showed it as a "microdonation" although it was significant to me. Lol. Perceptions again.

Yes I was honest with the person and said we needed to talk about it. I'd actually like their permission to follow up in future if they're needing help.

It's not easy to risk trying again if you're raw or feeling rattled. Maybe that goes with being a survivor - we keep going.

Sending you hugs @EternalFlower

my heart aches for you reading what you have gone through.
They say some people come into our lives for a reason. Sounds like the paramedic at that time was that person.

Ive had contact with lots of paramedics, mainly for myself or my late husband. the 2 that stand out in my memories were 100% person focused. I was recovering from surgery, unable to drive and had to have post op review with gp twice a week for weeks.

What might seem small or ‘just doing my job’ can mean so much to others and be a light that helps get through on days that aren’t good

@Former-Member i'll never forget him.

hey @Realness sorry my head's a bit chaotic so i missed your response

the cheerleading has been for me quite toxic, telling me how lucky i am and not supporting me as i am and recognising me as a person. I am me and they can be them and it's okay but i feel they never take the time to step into my shoes.
I feel sometimes bulldozed

I am trying to focus on the good ones - my clinicians who saw me

They weren't always the one's i needed - they weren't always the ones employed to help me - and they weren't always clinical or peer workers - they came from different avenues like my support worker who also has lived experience - and also my friend who is a paramedic and helps raise me up

thanks @Dimity for some reason in the last two weeks all the trauma of the last year has hit me. I relive things and have flash backs and then become scared and panicky

I blame myself for everything, and speak negatively to myself, and feel i subconsciously chose ppl around me who would do the same - what i told myself was tough love - was really bullying, with them suggesting i was at fault and shaming me for my trauma. I would rather do it alone for a bit, as i wrote, me and my three friends against the world. As a survivor our networks need to be very protectred and iron-clad, like a fortress, with only safe ppl allowed. I used to be so vigiliant. Then, when I was vulnerabe, i let anyone who had a soft touch and complimented me, or sent me lovehearts or xxxs be in my life. Friendship and trust is earned and thats ok. i wish i had learnt those skillls younger but my family were the opposite, they taught me to trust anyone and give myself fully to anyuone, coz i wasn't worth much anyway, so if someone was kind to me, i better keep them, as who knows if anyone else would want me 😞