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Hey @Till23. Thanks for sharing parts of your story. Your travels sound really cool and very interesting! Good on you for going! Did you go alone or with someone? What was your favourite country or town? I went on a cruise to Fiji when I was a teenager. That's about it but I have been briefly through Australia. No, I'm not first nation. I was born in Coonamble but we were very poor, which is why I got to go to Sydney (on a train) for the holiday. That's wonderful news that the Far West program still runs! They gave me the holiday of a lifetime! Sounds like things have been really tough for you, over the last couple of years! I'm sorry about your dad passing last year. My dad passed away a week after my mum. I'm glad he did because he had Alzheimer's and was scared and agitated, which was very unlike him. He was forgetting his family (he didn't know me) and kept asking for mum. They were together for around 60 years, still madly in love. Sickening, hey? 😀 I'm glad you're finished with the Cancer. Cancer sucks! I hope your day is going well! 🤗🙃

Hi @REDLINEZ750 I'm not sure if this has already gone through as I'm having a disagreement with not being authorized to post. It seems okay now. I copied this before sending! I wasn't getting caught out of it disappearing this time! You have a good way of telling a story! I felt every moment of that ride, and it scared the crap out of me!! 😄 Like you said, it only takes one little thing to bring disaster. Do you write stories or poetry? You should! It was very descriptive! I like your saying of not being scared when you should be balances out being scared when you shouldn't be. I'm scared most of the time. Go CPTSD and anxiety! :face_with_rolling_eyes: Did you go for a ride last night? 🙃

Hello to everyone who's watching on. You are enough! 💚

thanks @heartathome i was bit concerned i got carried away and was anxious about it.

its funny how coming down its not really thought of, everythings so hieghtened and writing about it was like all the oh shit moments and lockups and just pulling bike round hoping its not overcooked coz any adjustments guarenteed to crash while line committed to could still work over so many descents were felt in one post if makes sense

just gets a deep breath when its real coz no time to think on whats behind when whats ahead is coming fast.

a bit superstitiousv about filming it i believeb that takes mind off and makes you forget to check if it feels right at theb top.

not like that everytime

hope your days been good!

@REDLINEZ750 I'm glad it's not every time! I'd have to worry then! 😉 My day's been pretty okay. A group of us cleaned and painted the church this morning and one of the women came over later for a cuppa. I was really nervous about what she would think of me. I was afraid she was going to judge me! Who knows. She might have but she might not have as well. I'm aware that I'm hard on myself, at times. I can think up all kinds of negative things about myself and why she would not like me. I can't believe I've just said that. I haven't seen it in written word before! Not nice! I'm much more aware these days but I'm stilling learning and trying to think better of myself. I'm safe and I'm okay! I've been telling myself that since my support is ending. Now, that's a bit of self-care! How's your day been? 🙃

Hi @heartathome I pretty much always travel alone.

Yes I know Coonamble - I was much further west in the outback.

Sorry to hear about your parents was that relatively recently, did your parents still live in Coonamble.

I've still got a couple of years to go before I'm clear of cancer - but I don't let it worry me, I just really forget about it. I take a tablet daily and have to have imaging but that's only yearly now.

How long have you lived in northern nsw? Are you on the coast?

@heartathome friend it saddens me your default of self image is one thats unlikeable.

real sad from knowing that place too well and how difficult it can ve to get out from under

tif only you knew how valued you are by me and im sure many others in these spaces. power to you by putting things straight with self compassion!

my psychologist shown me a clip on you tube called passengers on the bus its a cartoon but its so relatable and the views of being not good enough or unlikeable all that are frpm being disapointed letdown amd hurt by thinking the wrong people were the right ones in our lives.

i stopped caring if people liked me very young by giving them reason not to and never letting then close enough that there opinion mattered anyway and by time i was 18 i honestly forgiot it was by design i had no one close and gave myself the negative self worth anyway,

self compassion man saying it, going through its paces, and learning it is not actually doing it .

took ages for me to feel its power by actually doing it my whole head exploded with all the passengers resistance as soon as i just thought of self compassion punitive parent dominates.

I'm sorry that you feel worried about people judging you @heartathome but I can totally empathise with that. Sound slike you are getting out and socialising though and getting things dome - so that's great. You said your support was ending, can I ask what that was? I've been discharged by my psychologist - I don't really understand why. So I can perhaps understand how difficult that can be.

Hey @Till23 How's your day been? Weren't you scared of travelling by yourself? I think that is SO brave of you! I couldn't do it! I'm a big scaredy cat! Nah. My folks passed years ago. We left Coonamble when I was in 4th grade and I'm in my 60's now. It broke my heart to have to leave there. Two brothers, a sister and I went back to Coonamble to see our old place and the surrounding areas. We lived on a sheep station before we moved into town. The older boys went to Quambone School. It was much smaller than we remembered! Someone stole $200 out of the car while we were looking around inside the old home. That was disappointing. I've been on the north coast for around 35 years. I was transferred to the coast by Dept of Housing after losing everything in floods three years ago. Do you still do any traveling or want to?

@heartathome i have been working on a poetryebook yo leave my grangkids so they more about me than what is said.

it might give them an idea where being on the spectrum started ha!

i didnt write for well over 30 years from being teased at school about poetry being for girls .

spent too much energy creating an image that was clear im not a girl.

stuoid really, im not a girl but i am highly emotional and sensitive and instead letting that be all it was sposed to and could of been it was turned into anger, hatred and violence (which always left me in tears when alone at night) i lied to myself my whole life because them days men had to fight to be men nothing about being sensitive was allowed toll the 80s and i was already full time construction labourer then anyway

was church lady nice to have cuppa wiyth ?

Unfortunately @heartathome my cold has become worse. I will have to go to bed shortly. It feels terrible, but it will pass.

I wasn't worried about travelling by myself, I sometimes felt lonely and wished I had someone to share things with, but I'm also worried about being with other people, because I feel inadequate. It can be a classic trauma response.

Did your whole family move to northern NSW then

It's funny going back isn't it, I agree everything seems so much smaller.

I'm so sorry you were caught up in those terrible floods and to have lost everything, what a huge challenge. How are you feeling now. Sorry I haven't read anything you might have written earlier about your MH