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Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
I have multiple mental illnesses including Bipolar 2, cptsd, OCD, social anxiety. I’m also neurodivergent, ADHD and ASD. I already have tons of labels and a lot going on. I’m getting assessed for an ED on Monday during my psych appointment, I reckon I meet criteria so I am anticipating another diagnosis. I know it explains my how I’ve been feeling but it’s another label, I hate feeling so broken and feeling like I’m complicated. I know my disordered eating habits are adversely affecting my mental and physical health, I’ve just been in denial for so long and would also get defensive when people commented on my eating habits or asked about them.
In response to: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
@Jynx I think it makes sense, sometimes I have no idea what discomfort I’m experiencing in my body. I have chronic pain and trauma related discomfort.
I hate feeling numb and disconnected, it sort of makes me apathetic. It explain a lot, ADHD probably plays a role in difficulty initiating tasks, but feeling apathetic doesn’t help.
At least I know where I stand. Also trying to figure out what I need from therapy, this constant retelling or my story had limited effects, didn’t really desensitise me, probably the opposite. I work better through expressing myself through creative means. I lose words and get stuck. Sure, challenging thoughts can help, but it only does so much. My brain is weird. Visualising and describing what my emotions feel like feels like a better processing option
In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
JynxModerator
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
For sure hun, sounds like you're trying to be decisive about where you wanna go in recovery. Can definitely help to have a focus.
Have you ever tried art therapy @creative_writer?
In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
@Jynx no point trying the same thing if it will get me nowhere. It’s one of the reasons why I haven’t opened the whole can of worms, I don’t think I would be able to contain it.
Saying I feel depressed is different to describing what the depression looks and feels like. Plain words feel shallow. The pain ends up feeling stuck inside me.
I haven’t tried art therapy. Mostly talk therapies and EMDR. My current psych doesn’t do EMDR, but maybe she does art therapy
In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
JynxModerator
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
@creative_writer could be worth looking into, especially if that more abstract thinking/processing tends to work for you. I think it's common for ND brains - I know I am all about metaphor and visualisation in my healing work.
In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
@Jynx we are all different. I can challenge thoughts till I’m blue in the face, but it’s like something is missing. Rational and emotional side of the brain are in conflict. I don’t even understand my body. I’m sure my emotions are contributing to autonomic dysfunction, and vice versa. It feels like an endless cycle.
In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
JynxModerator
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
That feeling of not understanding your body - ohhhhh I feel that @creative_writer it's super rough hey. I want to find some gentle movement practices that can support me and I've been thinking about tai chi...
In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
@Jynx my body is complicated, sometimes I feel more attuned, other times not so much. I’ve had plenty of times when I didn’t realise I was hungry till I was starving or didn’t realise I needed to use the bathroom until I desperately needed to go.
Also I’ve been told those with hypermobility tend to get more autonomic dysfunction, so the sensory overload can kick in. Then again, neurodivergent folks are more likely to be bendy
In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
JynxModerator
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
Haha yes we are a typically bendy bunch @creative_writer🤣
New Brady Bunch spoof idea - The Bendy Bunch: a group of neurodiverse folks with all different flavours of neurotype have to live together in a space that isn't quite big enough or soundproof enough 😝
Also yes the whole 'stuck in hyperfocus until suddenly it's like every warning light in my body is flashing at once' is such a vibe, lol I know it well 😅
In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
@Jynx I know yesterday I said my bipolar is under control, I’m not sure if it fully under control. It’s not so bad that I’m barely sleeping, just been sort of restless. I fluctuate from restlessness and disassociation. Still having racing thoughts, irritability and nervous energy along with low mood. Now I’m figuring out what I need to do to get rid of this agitation, maybe I need something to numb myself because it’s better for everyone else.
It’s so true we are the bendy bunch, makes it harder to not get injured. Not really super aware of my body.
In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
JynxModerator
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
@creative_writer maybe it's better for everyone else...but I kinda doubt that. Cos idk about you but if I knew someone was numbing themself to make me comfortable, I'd be pretty sad about that, I'd want them to feel like they could feel and it would be ok!
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