Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

@Jynx my needs are going to be different than someone who isn’t recovering from an ED and has different levels of activity. It feels uncomfy having to work on my nutritional intake. My dietician has also said my needs might be running a bit higher right now and I need to match those requirements. ED recovery is ongoing and takes time.

My pdoc called today even though he doesn’t work privately today. I actually wasn’t expecting the call but he just wanted me to up one of my meds for two days. I have decided to attend the online class on Wednesday instead of my regular in person class tomorrow. I think I need some time for myself till I settle and I want to avoid going to class too sedated. I am more settled but feeling really sleepy.

I hope the trip to NSW goes smoothly😊💗. I also lived in NSW for a few years when I was a child.

Once upon time I achieved enough stability that I did not have suicidal or self harm urges for years. I want to get to that place again.

I’ve been able to settle with extra meds and have been able to stay safe. They helped the urges disappear. Not sure how I’ll go when I go back to regular meds routine. I do see my pdoc and psych next week.

Heya @creative_writer ,

Good to see you.

Hi @tyme how are you?

Do you think it’s possible for me to get to that place again?

Absolutely @creative_writer ! There is always hope. I've lived it and I never even expected I would get to that place... but I got to it and I've moved WAY beyond it.

So yes. I strongly believe you can.

@tyme I’m not sure how it happened but it did. Maybe med changes also helped back then. I was also in therapy but was working on more everyday stuff. Things did eventually get rough, and I remember trauma resurfacing. Maybe it was suppressed emotions. Maybe it was also my mood state. I find it harder to move away from rumination during a mood episode. My old psych said I need some stability in order to do more of the deeper work in therapy. It’s been hard, hopefully once it settles, it will all fall into place.

I start with the new psych next week. First stage will be stabilisation. Jumping in too early will only make everything worse.

I’ve also been reflecting and I don’t know if I should bring it up. I don’t want to seem like I’m self diagnosing, but I strongly suspect avoidant personality disorder in the mix. I feel so reluctant socialising with people, and I’ll try my best to suppress any need. I’ve always been so socially anxious. I think my parents have anxieties. I found the incorporating social aspect to my life challenging when I was with my last psych. It’s like there is this huge resistance. I barely have friends, I do have two friends whom I can talk to more freely. I feel so self conscious and anxious around people. I have been diagnosed with social anxiety in the past

I’ve taken my regular PRN dose today instead of the larger one. I am feeling restless today, maybe I do need to take my regular PRN for a few days for it to settle. The larger dose helped with the restlessness but I can’t be on it long term.

Things are feeling more unbalanced. At least I’ll sleep soon. I wish lower dose of PRN was more effective. Just need to get through safely until bed. I don’t want to call my psychiatrist up again tomorrow and hope things balance themselves out tomorrow. I don’t want to be the annoying patient requesting a call outside of session more than once in a week. I try not to call my supports between sessions because I don’t want to be annoying and only ever do it if it is necessary

Take care @creative_writer . Go slow.

Just wondering. Have you heard of: https://eclinic.insideoutinstitute.org.au/etherapies-browse

I was looking at it yesterday and immediately thought of you.

@tyme thank you for sharing the link.

I don’t think lack of sleep helped and I probably should go to bed early. I just don’t think I’m sleepy enough yet. It’s not ideal to go to bed with a mind that is going to dark places. The sedating properties can sometimes take longer if my brain is activated. Hopefully it’ll kick in soon.

I still do need to get ready for bed. I’ve taken my meds and had a snack.